Meeting Your Date’s Family for the First Time

Spring is in the air, the birds are singing, the trees are blooming, and so is love.

Whether you just started dating someone or already have a key to their home, nothing is better than being in love! I speak from firsthand experience. But with all the romance and excitement, what happens when you take the ultimate step in meeting your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s family for the first time? This can be a make or break event in any couple’s life. For the record, my father-in-law said the jury is still out on me…and my wife and I have been married for over 7 years. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this year will be the one.

Coming from a family that enjoys crossing every line of social embarrassment, I hardly even notice their etiquette faux pas anymore. But my wife had a lot to handle when she first met my family. Thankfully, she won them over – which was no surprise to me. Still, sometimes the nervousness about meeting someone’s family for the first time can be enough to even make that drive over to the house an uncomfortable experience. As well, sometimes we’re so eager to impress, we go overboard and become “that weird date” in the family’s memory.

So how do you handle this monumental event properly? Don’t worry, I’m here to help. Before you spend a week picking out the perfect outfit that reads “Please like me!” check out my top 3 Quick and Dirty Tips for meeting your date’s family for the first time:

Tip #1 – No One Likes a Show Off

Trust me, I know that you want to impress your date’s family. In fact, you want to “wow” them beyond belief.  I get it, I do. Unfortunately, trying too hard can backfire into a complete disaster. But how can we help ourselves, right? Uncle Larry did ask what you do for a living, so why not fill him in…on every single detail, including how much money you made last year and what is the value of your . You think you’re having a nice chat, and then suddenly you realize that you’ve been talking for 30 minutes to blank stares (and Uncle Larry is starting to snore).

Let’s make one thing clear: This is an example of what you shouldn’t do. When you are talking about your job, don’t go overboard. Stick to the simple description of your job and don’t brag about your successes. If they like you enough to inquire further, they’ll ask. Leave some air of mystery. This will make you more interesting and make you seem humble, like you should. When it comes to wanting to show off your talents, such as your awesome Arnold Schwarzenegger impression, try to contain yourself.  That also means nixing your “How many so and so’s does it take to screw in a light bulb?” joke. Not everyone will get your zany impressions, even though they kill at the bars.

Bottom line: Stick to being yourself, stay calm, and keep it simple.

Tip #2 – Bring a Gift

When I say “bring a gift,” I am not talking about some $1,000 crystal vase from Tiffany’s that will put you into . Again, refrain from extremes. Don’t show up empty handed and don’t go overboard. Remember the movie Meet the Parents where Ben Stiller shows up with an incredibly rare flower to impress Robert DeNiro who was supposed to be a flower shop owner? That didn’t go well. Granted, DeNiro was using the flower shop as his CIA cover, but the point is, nothing can make things more awkward than starting out on the wrong foot. That movie is a great lesson for what not to do when meeting your date’s family for the first time.

So, when you go to pick out a gift for that all-important first meeting, stick to what you know they will like and what is reasonable. If they like wine, pick out a wine that is A) reasonably priced but NOT cheap and B) one that shows a bit of your personality. Maybe a bottle from a vineyard from your hometown, or a new vintage that was just released that you would like to try together. After all, wine drinkers know wine and they will appreciate your thoughtful choice. They will not, however, appreciate it if you show up with a $2,000 bottle of Barolo. It will look desperate and brown-nosing and will have the opposite of its intended effect.

And if the family doesn’t care for wine, bring a tasty dessert from a good bakery. Don’t get a pre-packaged Betty Crocker cake—make it unique. Or cook something you know they will enjoy, like a nice side dish that won’t take away from the main meal. After all, you don’t want to mess with the Chef!

Tip #3 – Lend a Hand

There is always one family member who sits back and lets everyone else serve and clean up. Laziness is so unmannerly! So don’t follow suit. Yes, if the Dad or the Mom wants to talk to you and you are taken away from the table while others are cleaning, that’s one thing. But nothing shows rudeness at its best than expecting others to treat you like a King or Queen. Sure, it’s easy and relaxing to just sit and be waited on, but who does that at someone else’s house? Especially if you’re trying to make a good impression? Well, I know a few guys who did that upon meeting their girlfriend’s parents… and they’re still single.

So when you are a guest at someone’s home for the first time, or even just meeting a restaurant, it’s always best to lend a hand. If it’s at their house, offer to help clean up the table or to take out the trash. If you meet at a restaurant, offer to walk with them back to their car, or take care of getting the valet for them. In either case, it’s just a matter of doing something – anything – extra that will make them remember you, rather than think of you as “so and so who we never saw again.”

Like in dating, and quantum physics, it’s all in the details.

Do you have a great story about a first time meeting your date’s family? Post all the details in Comments below. 

As always, if you have another manners question, I look forward to hearing from you at manners@quickanddirtytips.com. Check out my page, follow me on Twitter . And of course, check back next week for more tips.

Couple Meets Parents image courtesy of Shutterstock