Consistent Parenting

Hey there! You’re listening to the Mighty Mommy with some quick and dirty tips for practical parenting.

Since my husband and I both have more than one job a piece and share the parenting of our children, we find it necessary to support each other on the parenting front in order to keep things running smoothly at home. I think any time you have adults sharing the parenting responsibility you have to learn to compromise, communicate, and above all else, support one another.

This is an important topic for me because … well … I’m horrible at sharing the parenting. I’m the mom and therefore, I must be the one and only person in the house that knows how to handle everything, right? Wrong. Please don’t tell my husband I said that! I believe that parenting together and being consistent is important, but it’s absolutely a learning process. I hope that by sharing these ideas with you, I’ll improve my own skills, and I welcome you to share any tips you have when you visit the transcript for this show on the website.

My first tip is to share your thoughts, ideas, discoveries, and concerns. If you discover some wonderful tactic that works great for you, don’t keep it to yourself. Tell your spouse. Tell anyone who helps you with your children. I’m in the midst of potty training so I’ll give an example using my current experience. When I was potty training my daughter, she did not like praise for a job well done. She liked privacy and knowing that she’d done it all on her own. Cheering her on was actually a deterrent to potty training. My son is the exact opposite. You can’t tell him often enough that he’s done a good job. He gets so excited to hear those words; you can see him running to the bathroom every morning to make Mommy or Daddy proud. Just remember to tell him he’s done a “good job!” This is important information for my husband to have since he’s assisting in the potty training efforts.

One of my worst habits when it comes to my husband is the act of assuming he knows everything I know. I’m a work-at-home mom and he’s a work-outside-the-home dad. There is no way for him to know every detail of what goes on in our house every day. So, when there are important milestones, behavioral issues, or other changes that make a difference in my parenting challenges, I need to share this information with my husband. Making sure he knows what’s going on at home is crucial to his ability to keep his parenting consistent with mine. If you are the parent who spends the most time with the kids, remember to communicate your daily discoveries.

An obstacle I notice and hear about frequently with other couples is a lack of patience in one or both parents. If you have a situation where one parent has more patience than another, you may think it’s better to always let the patient parent handle the complicated issues. Unfortunately, this can take its toll on the more patient parent. Discuss this with your spouse and come to a compromise. If you find yourself losing patience then, by all means, ask for help, but don’t play good-cop-bad-cop with your kids. Both of you need to take responsibility and learn to be patient. If Mom has had a rough day, it may just need to be Dad’s night to handle the kids. It’s better for the children if parents can take turns with the more unpleasant issues because it helps them understand that both parents are equally responsible for them and deserving of their respect.

When you do disagree on a parenting method, be sure you take the time to discuss it with one another when the children are not present. Don’t correct the parent in front of the children. Unless the child is in danger, wait until you have time alone with your spouse and then approach it in a positive way. Let your spouse know that you appreciate the help, but you want to find out if another action would be acceptable. Try to reach a compromise and then be sure to support each other if the situation re-occurs.

Finally, make sure that each parent has their own bonding time with each child. Getting to know your child one-on-one can be very enlightening. Sometimes just playing a board game or putting together a puzzle with your child will allow you time to get to know him better. Knowing your kids is one of the key factors in knowing how to communicate with them and handle issues involving them. If both parents take the time to gain this knowledge, things will be easier. It will never be perfect, but remember, not everyone has someone else to lean on for parenting help. Appreciate what you have and learn to balance it well.

I believe that communication is crucial to any relationship and I’ve always been fascinated by conversations with pretty much anyone. Like most podcasters, I love to talk. When the Quick and Dirty Tips Network announced the launch of The Public Speaker’s Quick and Dirty Tips for Improving Your Communications Skills, I was immediately interested. She has some great tips to share. Whether you want to learn how to start a conversation with the moms on the playground or you are faced with a name you can’t pronounce, Lisa B. Marshall has some great suggestions for you! Check it out at publicspeaker.quickanddirtytips.com.

That’s it for now. I hope you’ve enjoyed the show. Thank you for listening.

If you’d like to request a topic for the Mighty Mommy you can e-mail me directly at mommy@quickanddirtytips.com.

This is your friend the Mighty Mommy wishing you happy and fun parenting!

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