Get to Know Your Teen’s Friends
One of the best ways that you can positively influence your child’s friendships is to stay involved. Mighty Mommy has 5 tips on how parents can get to know their child’s friends as the teen years begin to unfold.
As children move into middle school and high school years, they begin to have many new influences in their lives. Their once innocent outlook is questioned as well as their sense of style and who they befriend. Don’t be surprised to see major shifts in the movies they watch and the music they listen to.
As your adolescents develop their new identity, they may challenge the way things have always been done in your household and may not seek your advice as much. You’ll find them hiding out in their bedrooms, spending endless hours texting and on social media, and start hanging out with friends—new friends—who you’ve never heard of or met before.
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One of the best ways that you can continue to influence your child’s life is to stay involved. By getting to know your child’s friends, you can gain some insight into the relationships that your child is involved in—and keep an eye on those relationships to make sure that they stay positive.
Mighty Mommy has 5 tips on how parents can get to know their child’s friends as the teen years begin to unfold:
Tip #1: Welcome Your Child’s Friends Into Your Home
Encourage your child to invite their friends over whenever you’re at home so that you have a chance to get to know them. Engage their friends by being welcoming, calling them by their first names, asking them questions about what their sports interests and hobbies are, finding out what part of town they live in with their family.
You don’t have to conduct a formal interview to start forming a relationship with your child’s friends, but by being receptive to them and initiating friendly conversation, you’ll start building a positive foundation for your own kids to feel comfortable coming home with their friends. Don’t be quick to judge some of your teen’s community of friends either. Dark eyeliner or a nose piercing does not immediately signify a bad kid. This age group can be very shy and often socially inept, so encourage as many positive encounters as possible so all parties will feel comfortable and soon you’ll start to see their true personalities emerge.
Tip #2: Become an Observer
If they’re headed to the movies and need a lift, I’m only to happy to offer because it gives me valuable insight into their world.
The avenue Mighty Mommy often takes when it comes to getting to know my kids’ friends is to volunteer to drive them to their afterschool or weekend destinations. If they’re headed to the movies and need a lift, I’m only to happy to offer because it gives me valuable insight into their world. I engage in the pleasantries when I meet them for the first time, but I like to sit back and just soak in their conversations without intruding.
This has afforded me the opportunity to observe their friend’s tones of voice, choice of language, and even pick up on how they feel about school or certain teachers. Once I’m back at home with my child, I can now do a little “follow-up” on a 1:1 basis. For example, “Your friend Dave sounds like he’s really not a big fan of the school or Mr. Jenning’s Algebra class. What do you think is going on there?” It doesn’t result in an exchange of what’s “really” going on every time, but it has opened the dialogue between my kids and myself on many occasions that otherwise might not have happened.
Tip #3: Attend School Events
Whenever possible, attend school and sporting events, including PTO/PTA meetings and fundraisers. Ask your child to introduce you to her friends. Spend a few moments asking her friends about their likes and dislikes. Show that you’re interested in getting to know them. This is also a great way to connect with their friends’ parents because it’s a common venue that is bringing everyone together.
Even if you’re extremely shy or have a difficult work schedule, make getting to these activities a priority. Once you break the ice with their friends or their friends’ parents, you might be pleasantly surprised at how valuable these functions will become now and throughout their high school years.
Tip #4: Get to Know Their Friends’ Parents
When your tweens or teens start to hang out with a whole new crowd, sometimes your best point of reference is to actually get to know their friends’ parents. You don’t have to invite them over for dinner or try and ingratiate yourself in their inner social circle, but if you haven’t met them, give them a call.
See also: Do You Dislike the Parents of Your Child’s Friend?
Even if it feels a bit awkward, simply call and introduce yourself as Jack’s mother and let his new friend’s mom or dad know that you see that the boys have started hanging out together so you just wanted to say hello and exchange some basic information such as your phone number, email address, in addition to perhaps finding out what their expectations are regarding curfews, sleepovers, and entertainment. Share your rules and views. Invite the friends’ parents to contact you with any questions or concerns regarding anything that crops up in regards to behavior or to clarify arrangements for their activities. Doing so will add to your impressions of your child’s friends. It will also help you know where your child is, whom he is with, and how (or if) he is being supervised when he’s not at home.
And if you meet resistance from a parent about exchanging this type of information, this can serve as a red flag. It can tell you that you need to pay extra attention to the new friendship.
Tip #5: Bond During Meals
Most kids enjoy a delicious snack or a hearty homecooked meal (even if they don’t admit it). Getting to know your kid’s friends can sometimes be a little easier when you do so over a yummy treat. I happen to be one of those moms who loves to bake and create snacks and meals centered around the season.
Right now it’s apple-picking time in my home state of Rhode Island, so I’ve been making things like apple crisps, turnovers, and caramel-dipped apples. This is the perfect way to casually get to know your childrens’ new friends or, in Mighty Mommy’d case, my son’s new football teammates. Nothing gets kids talking and like a few dozen cupcakes wolfed down after the big game.
Even better is when one of my kids has a friend over for dinner. Not only do they get to sit down and break bread with a family of 10, it gives all of us a chance to get to know this new person in our child’s life. My own kids always a dinner invitation to their friends’ houses—it’s a nice experience for everyone involved to see how other families share meals and do other things together.
How do you connect with your child’s friends? Share your thoughts in the comment section or post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. You can also connect with me on Twitter @MightyMommy or e-mail me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.comcreate new email. And please visit my family-friendly boards at Pinterest.com/MightyMommyQDT.
Friendships are an extremely important part of our kid’s lives, so taking the time to get to know your child’s new and old friends better will help bridge the gap into their social world. Have a great week and until next time Happy Parenting!
Teenagers, football team, and family dinner images courtesy of Shutterstock.