Is This Seat Taken? Part 2
You just arrived on a train and need to find a seat, but only a few are available. How do you manage to get the perfect seat without angering fellow riders? Follow Modern Manners Guy’s 3 easy etiquette tips.
Richie Frieman
Listen
Is This Seat Taken? Part 2
A while back, I went to New York City to tape a segment for FOX News about how parents have a hard time dropping college bound kids off at school (check it out here). I took the train and ended up having a rather odd experience. Turns out, some people don’t quite understand how to properly handle sitting next to a stranger. I watched as professional adults fumbled over asking fellow train-riders if the seat next to them was free the way a gawky teenager asks the head cheerleader for a date. Or after being told it was OK to sit down, some people insisted that their seatmates move over or meet some other bizarre needs. And when I see crimes against manners, I take note. So during my train ride of awkwardness I wrote a short article called Is This Seat Taken?.
Is This Seat Taken?
That short piece got so many Modern Manners Guy fans talking that I decided to expand the topic into a longer episode. So before you sit down in that open seat, check out my top 3 Quick and Dirty Tips for seatmate etiquette:
Tip #1: First Come, First Serve
While on the train, I noticed a really odd interaction between complete strangers. One elderly lady asked a young woman if the seat next to her was taken and after she learned that it was free, the weirdness went through the roof. The older woman asked if the girl wouldn’t mind moving over so she could have the aisle. Slightly rude, but we’ll let it go this time. Everyone has their “thing.” But after the younger woman obliged, the older woman then asked that she also put her iPad away because it was too bright. Really?!? That’s where I draw the line…and not just because I’m a big iPad advocate. I say this because I’m an etiquette advocate! First of all, an iPad is not so bright that it illuminates an entire train car, let alone the seat next door. But that’s not what got me. What really got under my skin was that this woman not only inconvenienced a fellow rider, but also made demands on how this person should occupy their time on the train. Very unmannerly.
Bottom line: When it comes to getting a seat on public transportation, it’s first come, first served.
The only caveat to this rule is if you have a ticket with an assigned seat. In that case, you have every right to request someone to move if they are occupying your spot. But much of the time, that is not the case, and it was definitely not the case in the train scenario.
Whoever arrives first gets to decide where they sit. As well, unless someone is blasting their music, shouting on their cell phone, or using one of those old school typewriters in which the keys sound like a snare drum, every patron on the train is free to do what they like (within the bounds of law and reason, of course). It’s pretty self-centered to ask someone to move over when they were there first, and even more egocentric to insist they make your ride more comfortable by putting away their devices. If you want a particular seat, then you should have arrived early, period.
Tip #2: You Are Not Best Friends
A while back, I did an episode called How to Handle Annoying Seatmates, which led to fans posting a lot of stories on the Modern Manners Guy Facebook page about how they suffered from a total stranger becoming their “new best friend” on a train, bus, or any other mode of transportation. Regardless of how often you travel, chances are you have encountered someone who, after sitting down next to you, spent the remainder of the trip talking your head off about everything under the sun. And chances are, you were praying that this person would just leave you alone! I have been in this situation many times. In fact, if there has to be a spokesperson for the people who get stuck next to the most annoying person on the planet during travel, I gladly nominate myself.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s totally OK to ask how someone is doing or even make small talk when sitting down. But this does not give you the right to assume you are now best friends, simply because you share the same row.
When you ask to sit next to someone, don’t do so with the intention of talking their ear off. Don’t pick out someone who looks friendly and who you might enjoy talking to. Even if the person is wearing a “Hello My Name Is…” sticker on their shirt, it’s rude to assume that you can bother them the entire ride with your witty sense of humor or wild stories that you’re sure they will enjoy.
This is not speed dating, either. No one wants to feel like they’re being ogled or watched during their commute. When you sit next to someone, the only thing that you can expect to share is the armrest. And as I said before, it’s OK to make some small talk, but unless the person is baiting you to conversation, you have to leave it at just that small interaction (or none at all).
Remember: When you ask someone if the seat next to them is free, you are, in a way, invading their space. They may have other plans as to how they want to spend their ride, which 9.9999 times out of 10 does not involve you.
See also: How to Handle Unwanted Attention
Tip #3: Choose Wisely
So you’ve just arrived on your train, plane, or bus and are trying to find an open seat. You look high and low and after a long search, you spot the ideal seat. You ask your fellow patron if the seat next to them is open and they kindly say yes. Unfortunately, after about 5 minutes you realize that you’ve chosen poorly. Very poorly!
Maybe you were rushed, maybe you were tired, but when you asked this person if the seat was taken, you didn’t take into account that they were eating a large burrito, while using a laptop, screaming on their cell phone, and scanning documents into a portable printer, all in their seat! Maybe this example is a bit extreme and unlikely, but my point is that if you know you’re going to be squished up against someone for a few hours, even if you’re rushed, choose wisely. Choose a seat that will be as comfortable for you as possible.
If someone is blaring on their cell phone, rudely ignoring everyone around them, it will probably be the case for the entire ride. If someone has brought their entire office with them and laid it out on every square inch of available space, chances are they’re trying to send a message: Don’t Sit Here!
As well, if you don’t want to deal with crying kids, don’t sit next to them (even if they aren’t crying when you get there, they probably, eventually will – trust me). If you don’t like the smell of other people’s food, don’t sit next to someone who has a large buffet lined up.
See also: Proper Airplane Etiquette
I understand that you can’t always be choosy, but you have to take into account your needs as well as the needs of fellow travelers and make your decision wisely. Where you sit may be a gamble, but sometimes you win.
Do you have a great story about how someone asked to sit next to you? Post all the details in the comment section below or on the Modern Manners Guy Facebook page.
As always, if you have another manners question, I look forward to hearing from you at manners@quickanddirtytips.com. Follow me on Twitter @MannersQDT, and of course, check back next week for more Modern Manners Guy tips for a more polite life.
Passengers on the Metro, Talking on the Train and Unhappy Passenger images courtesy of Shutterstock