Back-to-School Manners for Parents
Some principal things for parents to remember at the start of school!
Trent Armstrong
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Back-to-School Manners for Parents
Modern Manners Guy back with a word for parents of school-aged children. Yes, your kids are back in the grind and should mind their manners, but parents are certainly not exempt. I hear anecdotes about parents being goofballs in the pick-up lane and in meetings with teachers and principals. We’ve got to ease up and mind our own manners before we start sending the wrong message to our kids. We’ll get right down to brass tacks– do people use those anymore? Either way, class is in session right after we talk a little math.
Demonstrate Good Manners
Okay, parents and guardians, first things first. Manners start at home. The way you act around your kids and the way your kids see you act around others is the foundation of their manners. To be blunt, watch yourselves because they are watching you. The same goes for teachers. Live out your manners.
Now, think about your morning routine. Does it involve yelling? Probably. Does it involve rushing out the door in a huff, rolling through stop signs, and speeding a little so you can get your kids to school and get yourself to work on time? I’m not really trying to bust your chops that hard, but it is important to think about what your kids glean from the way you prioritize your time and how you obey (or ignore) the traffic laws.
What I’m getting at is the underpinnings of manners. Making time for others, especially your kids, is a way to show your kids how to put others first. Don’t give in to all of your kids’ demands– that’s not what I’m saying. What I am saying is that you should make time to prepare yourself for the day so you can spend some quality time with your kids before taking them to school. Sit and show them how to act at the breakfast table. Give them jobs to help in the morning– like taking dishes to the sink or taking out the garbage– but don’t put unrealistic time expectations on them because you weren’t able to get yourself ready in time.
Another aspect of manners is being able to respect others. The way your children will gauge your respect for others will, in part, be influenced by how they see you treat traffic laws. If you think it’s okay to disrespect authority, they will too.
Talk to Your Kids About Manners
Talk to your kids about manners. There are innumerable public service announcements for talking to your kids about the perils of smoking, drugs, and alcohol. But it shouldn’t stop there.
Your time in the car or walking your kids to school is a great time to discuss situations dealing with how they treat others. Make these conversations fun. You could turn these discussions into a manners game. The more you talk about having good manners, the more they will think about it. And I understand that not everyone walks or drives their kids to school. That is another reason to spend quality meal time with your offspring.
Car Pool Manners
Drop off and pickup can be like a game of chess mixed with a demolition derby. How you react in the more strained situations will be an indication of your respect for others. Again, don’t just let car after car pull in front of you to prove how selfless you are, but do maintain your poise and even use the crazy drivers around you as object lessons by calmly and respectfully explaining to your children the errant ways of the other drivers. Your kids will be driving some day and will likely think back to the lessons you cooly provided under pressure.
And don’t ditch your manners when your kids are not in the car. If you arrive late to pick up your little learners, you’ll just have to suck it up and wait your turn. Yelling, honking, and putting other cars at risk as you jockey for position will affect your mood, and by the time the kids get in the car, you’ll be so worked up everyone will be scared to talk about their day.
Another thing to be careful of is where you put your car if you’re going to park and walk. Fire lanes are out. Parking in a fire lane—even if only for a moment– is selfish and irresponsible. Driving on someone else’s property or blocking another person’s car are right up there on the selfish scale. If it’s important to you to be the first in line, get there early. And if it doesn’t work out, practice your deep breathing skills and your patience.
Manners for Interacting with Teachers and Principals
How you deal with school authorities is important as well. Typically, your child’s teacher is there to make sure your child is learning. There are many distractions he or she has to deal with and one of them may be your kid. Approach each teacher with respect and an open mind as you stay involved in the process and learn about how your child is doing in class. The teacher might tell you something you didn’t want to hear– yours is the slacker or the ruffian of the class, for example. But don’t take it out on the teacher– yet. Again, stay involved. The more you show the teacher that you are on their side, the more they will trust you and will see that you are interested in your kid being the best student he or she can be.
Temper your comments to the teacher and the principal. Many parents have been known to just make demands and even wild accusations about how their child is being treated. Don’t be one of those parents. Be sure to take reports from your kids’ teachers seriously, and if you need to question the information you get from them, be respectful but firm. Refrain from being a busy-body and trying to be such a squeaky wheel that your kid gets special treatment. Any special treatment that comes from that kind of meddling will be lined with disdain.
Children need the chance to grow up on their own and learn from their mistakes. You trying to overlook their behavior or fix their shortcomings with threats to the principal will actually prevent them from ever growing up. There will be times when the teacher is actually at fault. Treat the instructors with respect until you discover that your child is not the problem. Then maintain poise and composure when making your complaints. Barging and yelling and calling names will cause whoever is in charge to not take you seriously. Remember that your kids are a reflection of you, so you should take the time to be something worth reflecting.
Administrative
Thanks for listening to this episode of The Modern Manners Guy’s Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life.
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