Want to Take a Gap Year? 3 Rules for Pitching to Your Parents
A gap year is not a break from reality; it’s an amazing gift, so ask and plan properly.
Richie Frieman
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Want to Take a Gap Year? 3 Rules for Pitching to Your Parents
There’s a new trend for teens making its way around the internet, faster than the “shocking” news that Justin Bieber chopped off his dreadlocks. Thankfully it’s more important than the Biebs. It’s called a Gap Year. A Gap Year is when teens take a “break” (for whatever reason) between entering college or graduating college to enter the real world.
Recently, Malia Obama (the last teen role model on the planet) became the poster child for the Gap Year movement, but not all of us have a life like a First Daughter. Needless to say, the majority of kids pitching the Gap Year plan to their parents as a valid alternative will have more of an upward climb. So, before you think about telling mom and dad that surfing the Baja beaches for a year will be a productive “break” from your education, check out my top three quick and dirty tips to get the most out of your gap year:
Tip #1: Think of a Gap Year as a Business Plan
A recent New York Times article about Malia (who has already been accepted to Harvard) outlined how she will be taking the year off to spend time working for her father, during the tail end of his political run. Sorry to disappoint you, but understand that this is not the norm. See, unless you have a Malia-esqu plan lined up come the fall, I suggest you properly map out your Gap Year plan right now. And I use the word plan and not “idea” or “break” because in order to pitch your Gap Year agenda, you have to make sure it has an end and goal in sight. Waiting tables in Cabo to “find yourself” is not a plan.
Malia had two amazing things going for her; she was already accepted to a school, and she has pretty much the coolest “first job” of all time. Telling your parents that you’re taking a year off to persue your dream of Lego sculpturing won’t exactly go over as well as her plan did. Now granted Malia could take off thirty years and still enter Harvard with the crimson carpet rolled out for her, but the point here is that if you are going to take a year hiatus from college you better bring a plan to the table with some serious legs on it. However, assuming no one else has the same gig lined up as Malia, you have to present your Gap Year plan like a business plan.
For starters, do not pick something that looks like you’re using it as an excuse to dodge college. Your parents have spent your entire life and their entire career, planning for your college. With that, if you do plan to be surfing every day on some island, you might want to tell them you’ll also be working with kids at a school. Don’t start with, “So, you know I love to surf, right?…” Also, when you talk to your parents, present to them a time table with a start and end. Showing them you properly understand that it’s a gap and not a hole, will let them know you understand it’s only temporary. When they can see the end in sight, they will be more apt to give the greenlight … and the credit card. (And I realize some of you may be planning to work your way through a gap year, or have even saved up money and are going to pay for one on your own—that’s fantastic, and I applaud you!)
Tip #2: Do a Proper Cost Comparison
Going back to Malia’s situation, which is rare, her plan costs a lot less than a year at college. Yes, the Obamas (kids included) will likely never have to worry about money for the rest of their lives (and every single generation for a thousand years after), but being rich isn’t the main issue here. Malia will be paid to work, and will gain her a world of exposure and experience. That’s a lot less than a year at Harvard, which costs about the same as a new Mercedes. However, many kids who dig the idea of a Gap Year improperly view it as a way to see the world and discover themselves on their parent’s dime. Coasting around on your parents’ American Express is not a proper Gap Year plan. You never want to start with, “Well, you were going to spend that money on school anyway so…”
The first thing you have to realize is that a Gap Year is not a bonus, it’s a gift… a precious gift… an incredibly gracious, precious, mind-blowingly generous gift. With that, your parents will always have a hard time getting past the money issue. So if you decide to pursue the Gap Year pitch, you have to present a valid and arguable alternative to the year in college that does not involve a lavish “field trip” around the globe. Case in point, Modern Manners Guy Facebook friend Eric wanted to take a year off to visit Europe. Great idea, right?! WRONG! I mean, everyone wants to take off a year to hop around Europe. But that’s not a plan, and his parents rejected it. However, after some tailoring, they realized Eric could live with an aunt in Barcelona, while he worked for a local newspaper. Then on his free time he could bump around Europe via the EuroRail. Here, they looked at the cost of what he wanted to do versus what was affordable, to formulate a proper plan that worked for everyone. When pitching your Gap Year, take into account that your parents are not an ATM, and backing your Gap Year is not a one time transaction.
Tip #3: Be Willing to Negotiate
When planning a Gap Year people often dream about romantic ideas of taking a year off to have some quality “me time” rather than seriously focusing on what they’re asking of their parents. Like Eric he failed to see the Gap Year as an opportunity. A Gap Year (as I said above) is a benevolent gift, with no return policy. It’s in fact a no-fail, one-time-only chance to go off route on a typical path in life, and you better make good use of it. You can’t take two more down the road and expect the same results from mom and dad. With that, when you plan for a proper Gap Year, it’s wise to negotiate and accept alternatives. It’s similar to negotiating an interest rate for a new car; don’t expect the best deal, rather aim for what you can absolutely live with and walk away with a smile. Yet in this situation, there’s only one owner you’re dealing with. To that point, you’re in the tougher spot when asking for a Gap Year than you think.
When you can properly walk into any business deal (which a Gap Year IS!) there will always be one party with the upper hand. When discussing a Gap Year with your parents, understand that the person asking is by no means in the driver seat. Do you honestly think a parent/guardian will be over-the-moon thrilled with the idea of funding your “dream vacation”? Hardly. It’s a hard sell for sure. Again, Gap Years are good for certain people, however, those people have a proper mindset on what they’re asking and willing to accept. Never stomp your feet and raise your voice when asking your parents/guardian to bankroll your Gap Year. That approach will never work. Instead, take note from Tips #1 and #2 in how to look at this is a plan and proposal. Engage your benefactor seriously and together create a strategy that everyone can live with. And when/if you do get a ‘yes,’ you better run out to the nearest store and buy about a dozen Thank You cards; one for every month of your Gap Year.
As always, if you have another manners question, I look forward to hearing from you at manners@quickanddirtytips.comcreate new email. Follow me on Twitter @MannersQDT, and of course, check back next week for more Modern Manners Guy tips for a more polite life.
Do you have any recent graduates in your circle, or perhaps someone who is looking to start a new career, check out my new book, Reply All…And Other Ways to Tank Your Career for great tips and advice on job success. It’s available now!
