How to Accept a Compliment
Do compliments make you feel awkward? Lisa B. Marshall, a.k.a. the Public Speaker, will show you how to accept compliments with grace and improve your relationships.
Lisa B. Marshall
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How to Accept a Compliment
Many people love to receive compliments, but some people find it awkward for a variety of reasons. Sometimes people are afraid accepting a compliment will make them look conceited. Sometimes it’s just a matter of not knowing how to respond. And sometimes it’s caused by an underlying low self-esteem. But because accepting compliments is critical, I’d like to give you a few suggestions to help you do it graciously.
Three Ways People Respond to Compliments
According to the Centre for Clinical Interventionsopens PDF file , there are three basic ways people respond when they receive a compliment.
1, Passively
If someone says to you, “That was a great presentation!” and your response is something like, “Yeah. Um, what’s the weather report?” you are ignoring that compliment. If you say, “Actually, John did all the work,” you are deflecting it. If, however, you respond, “Well, I love your tie!” you are reflecting it back. All of these responses are passive ways of rejecting the compliment you were given.
2. Aggressively
That same compliment might draw a response of sarcasm, like, “Oh, yeah, right! Really great!” or denial, “Are you kidding? I stunk out there!” which are more aggressive rejections of the person’s comments.
3, Assertively
This is when you listen to the compliment and accept it graciously.
The Negative Effects of Rejecting a Compliment
When someone compliments you and you do not respond graciously, you can damage your relationship. You make the person feel awkward and have questioned that person’s judgment. Even worse, you’ve stalled or even hampered your future relationship with that person, because you’ve created this negative experience.
Besides that, if you deflect or deny that compliment, you’re downplaying your own skills and abilities. This is hardly a good career move! And you may be sending some very negative messages about your personality: you will be seen as socially awkward, under-confident, or perhaps bad tempered. It’s crucial to overcome this tendency to reject compliments, and in the process, reject the person complimenting you.
How to Prepare Yourself to Accept Compliments
Sometimes our own self-talk is our worst enemy. If you have trouble accepting a compliment, think about what self-talk you’re giving yourself, and turn it around.
If you think, “He doesn’t really mean it,” think instead, “He may sincerely mean what he’s saying.”
If you think, “She’s just being nice,” think, “Even if she is just being nice, I appreciate her effort.”
If you think, “He just wants something from me,” think instead, “People have lots of reasons for complimenting others. I can’t jump to conclusions. And besides, maybe I can help him, too.”
Or if you think, “I will look conceited if I accept her compliment,” think of the giver instead: “I don’t want to make her feel awkward by rejecting her compliment.”
Whatever your negative self-talk, turn it around, and you will find it easier to accept a compliment. But there’s an art to it—to make sure the giver feels good as well.
How to Accept the Compliment
Now we are down to the real how-to:
First, look the person in the eye and take a good posture, sitting or standing up straight.
Smile, listen, and don’t interrupt.
When the person is finished, say “Thank you!” It’s that simple. You can follow up with something like, “I’m glad you liked it,” or “I was happy to help.” If you had significant help from someone, you may mention that person. “Maria was a great help to me” is a nice way to share credit without taking anything away from your own performance.
Accepting compliments is a win-win. Not only does it help you grow in self-esteem and improve your future performance, it makes the giver feel great, too, and builds the relationship between you. These simple steps will help you both in business and in personal life to accept compliments graciously.
This is Lisa B. Marshall helping you to lead and influence. If you’d like to learn more about compelling communication, I invite you to read my bestselling books, Smart Talk and Ace Your Interview, and listen to my other podcast, Smart Talk. As always, your success is my business.
About the Author
Lisa B. Marshall Lisa holds masters with duel degrees in interpersonal/intercultural communication and organizational communication. She’s the author of Smart Talk: The Public Speaker’s Guide to Success in Every Situation, as well as Ace Your Interview, Powerful Presenter, and Expert Presenter. Her work has been featured in CBS Money Watch, Ragan.com, Woman’s Day, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, and many others. Her institutional clients include Johns Hopkins Medicine, Harvard University, NY Academy of Science, University of Pennsylvania, Genentech, and Roche.