How to Deal With the Conversation Hog
How do you deal with people those annoying people that always seem to hog conversation? Lisa B. Marshall, aka The Public Speaker, gives you a few quick tips that will make it easier to work and live with them.
Lisa B. Marshall
I recently received this question from a listener. She asks, “How do you deal with a person who, in a conversation, picks up on every topic, then directs it to herself or her family—causing ideas and discussion to stop—turning all talk back to her and her experiences? Help, it is unbearable and dull—the momentum is killed.”
This is not an uncommon problem. Many people talk a blue streak and direct it all to themselves. It can be very difficult for you because, on the one hand, you don’t want to be rude (if you did, you would just tell the person to go pay a therapist to listen, and walk away!). On the other hand, it not only takes your time, which is precious to you, it also makes you feel like the other person cares nothing about you. This damages the relationship terribly.
Here are a few suggestions to deal with this kind of needy person.
- The person needs attention. Give that person some sincere attention. Listen for the main point the person is trying to make.
- At a natural point, find a way to agree with or show emotional response to what that person is saying. Again, this type of person needs attention, so if you give it to them, sometimes this will make them stop. How do you give the right attention? Listen, then restate it. “That’s amazing! So what you’re saying is that you are excited because…” Make sure you include both the content of what they are saying and the emotion of what they are saying.
- But don’t stop there! Follow up with something about yourself, or another person present if in a group. This can show that you can relate to what the person is experiencing. “I agree with you, experiencing X can be so exciting. I once had a similar experience…” Hopefully, this will validate that you’ve heard the first person and help move the conversation to a new person.
- You may have the opportunity here to direct the conversation to another person in the group and let that person have a chance to speak. “John, I remember you telling me about a similar experience. Would you tell me that story again? I’ve forgotten some of the details but I definitely remember it’s worth hearing it again!” The other person may pick up on this and start adding to the conversation, too.
- If you think the conversation hog is not likely to stop, and if you think he or she may try to grab the conversation again, especially if it’s just the two of you, at some point, you need to interrupt and truthfully say something like, “I’d like to hear more (or perhaps just) thanks for sharing your story. Maybe we can pick up later? I need to get going right now.” Another option is to introduce the conversation hog to someone else. “John, have you met Mary yet?”
Some people will be embarrassed and recognize they talked too much and will be apologetic. Others are oblivious. Either way, end the conversation. Your time is valuable, too. For more details on this topic, Psychology Today has some great tips.
This is Lisa B. Marshall helping you to lead and influence. If you’d like to learn more about compelling communication, I invite you to read my bestselling books, Smart Talk and Ace Your Interview and listen to my other podcast, Smart Talk. As always, your success is my business.
Person talking image courtesy of Shutterstock.
About the Author
Lisa B. Marshall Lisa holds masters with duel degrees in interpersonal/intercultural communication and organizational communication. She’s the author of Smart Talk: The Public Speaker’s Guide to Success in Every Situation, as well as Ace Your Interview, Powerful Presenter, and Expert Presenter. Her work has been featured in CBS Money Watch, Ragan.com, Woman’s Day, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, and many others. Her institutional clients include Johns Hopkins Medicine, Harvard University, NY Academy of Science, University of Pennsylvania, Genentech, and Roche.