How to Enjoy Your Office Holiday Party
Is your office holiday party looming and you’re not sure what to do? Lisa B. Marshall, aka The Public Speaker, can steer you through the sometimes-awkward but potentially-rewarding situations.
Lisa B. Marshall
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How to Enjoy Your Office Holiday Party
An editor from a British magazine (Tesco) interviewed me not long ago about etiquette for holiday office parties. Since office parties can often be a source of anxiety, I wanted to share my advice with you as well.
Advice for holiday office parties is generally the same as all office parties. While you need to communicate carefully and considerately in any social situation, this can be even more true, and even more difficult, at an office party. Often you read: be informal, but not too informal. Be fun, but not inappropriate. Be yourself, but don’t be! The mixed signals sent by all the “how-to” columns can be so confusing.
But if just think of it as showing respect for others and for yourself, everything falls into place. This is really the secret of all good communication and social interaction.
Office Party Conversation Skills
Office party conversations can delve into the personal, and, in fact, they should. It’s the perfect opportunity to learn more about your colleagues and strengthen your relationships by discovering what you have in common. But consider the level of intimacy you share with that person from the start. Levels of intimacy are defined differently, depending upon the type of relationship. But for coworkers, it starts with your shared environment and roles. When starting a conversation, head towards what you have in common first. Think of it as if you are slowly peeling away the layers of an “interpersonal” onion: from environment to roles to interests to goals, attitudes, values, and, finally, to emotions. Ask a question at the appropriate level, and be sure it’s something that can be responded to in the form of a story. Stories are the glue that binds us. Then to draw that person out, respond with your own story that reflects back your understanding of what they have just shared with you. It doesn’t have to be elaborate; something short works. But you have just shared something you hadn’t before and have deepened your interpersonal relationship.
Keep in mind, you should always be interacting at the level that is appropriate to the relationship. First time meeting? Focus on the immediate environment or your roles. Know the person better? Move to interests and goals. Know the person even better? Discuss attitudes, beliefs, and possibly even emotions. The important part is to allow your conversation partner to dictate the level and pace of movement through the interpersonal levels.
Office Party Listening Skills
If you’re worried about being able to maintain a conversation, remember that being a great listener is even more important than being a great talker. Listening is one of the most important skills for conversation making. Have you ever been with someone who really listened? Do you remember how he or she made you feel? When someone listens actively and reflectively, it makes you feel understood and important. It builds trust and creates stronger relationships.
If you’re thinking about what you’re going to say next, you won’t be listening carefully enough to the other person and you won’t pick up on what’s important to them or on any subtle signals your conversation partner is sending. Listening carefully shows you’re interested and is the best way to carry a conversation and a relationship forward. By the way, in my book, Smart Talk, I explain what you should be listening for and how to use that information to expand a conversation and build a deeper, stronger relationship.
Our nervousness about conversation, however, generally stems from self-judgment or self-consciousness. So if you focus on listening to others and making them feel valued, you won’t have the opportunity to be nervous. Your focus will be on someone else, and you will forget yourself in the process. This is why listening deepens relationships. You become more comfortable as you make others feel more comfortable.
Office Party Etiquette
There are many articles that give detailed Holiday Party Do’s and Don’ts, so I don’t need to repeat them here. But there are a few general concepts to keep in mind, which will steer you clear of most party faux pas. Above all, remain tasteful. Some parties specify attire, but whatever the style, casual or formal, maintain a professional decorum. Avoid the extremes, from plunging evening gowns to reindeer sweaters. And I hope I don’t need to warn you not to drink too much!
Maintain a pleasant sense of humor, but if you’re not normally funny, don’t try to push it. Avoid most jokes, because in a large group, you may offend someone who is there to enjoy the evening, just as you are. It’s safest to keep jokes between friends in casual environments. But if you do commit an awkward act, it’s best to acknowledge it. Show you’re able to handle the discomfort—depending on the degree, apologize, make a funny face, or even just say “awkward!” To learn more about humor, listen to my episodes on How to Add Humor to Your Talks, and How to Avoid Making Humor Mistakes in Speeches, among others. A good sense of humor is an important leadership skill that helps put people at ease and reduces conflict. But it takes practice to do it well and tastefully.
To avoid getting stuck with someone for ages, you can disguise your escape plan with a request for help. Ask the person to introduce you to someone else you’ve been wanting to meet, or introduce your conversation partner to someone else you think the person would benefit from knowing (don’t just dump them on someone). You could ask where the buffet is. Or you could just be straightforward. “I’ve really enjoyed our conversation. Let’s plan to meet for lunch in a few weeks. Tonight I promised myself that I would make the rounds –especially to say hello to X who I haven’t talked with in quite some time.” Your partner may be wanting to move on, too, so be sincere and polite and do so.
Office Party Exit
You don’t need to arrive exactly on time and you don’t need to stay until the bitter end, but you do need to be there for the majority of the event. Always be sure to thank the event planner and to also thank your boss and your boss’s boss for putting on the event. Tell them each something specific that you enjoyed. Once you’ve thanked these key people, you’re free to leave.
One final note: Photos are often taken at office parties, to go into newsletters or social media. It’s important to smile. Some people may actually have a good time but not show it broadly on their faces. If you’re one of these people, here’s a neat trick: when you smile for the camera, think of something that truly makes you smile. For example, I have a favorite photo of my identical twin daughters as infants, and when I think about that picture, I can’t help but smile! I sometimes think about it before I greet someone new or when I’m feeling an energy drain at events. You could do the same thing for pictures taken at the party.
Remember: show respect for yourself and others, and remain tasteful, but also let yourself have fun at the office holiday party. You will strengthen relationships, which will improve not only your career, but your personal well-being.
This is Lisa B. Marshall helping you to lead and influence. If you’d like to learn more about compelling communication, I invite you to read my bestselling books, Smart Talk and Ace Your Interview and listen to my other podcast, Smart Talk. As always, your success is my business.
Image courtesy of Shutterstock.
About the Author
Lisa B. Marshall Lisa holds masters with duel degrees in interpersonal/intercultural communication and organizational communication. She’s the author of Smart Talk: The Public Speaker’s Guide to Success in Every Situation, as well as Ace Your Interview, Powerful Presenter, and Expert Presenter. Her work has been featured in CBS Money Watch, Ragan.com, Woman’s Day, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, and many others. Her institutional clients include Johns Hopkins Medicine, Harvard University, NY Academy of Science, University of Pennsylvania, Genentech, and Roche.