Why You Should Choose Happiness
Choosing happiness is important…especially when life sucks
by Lisa B. Marshall and Kris Harty
Why You Should Choose Happiness When Life Sucks
Just last week I was waiting on a train platform when I struck up a conversation with the woman standing next to me. After making small talk about the weather, I learned that her husband was very sick. It reminded me of the difficult times I went through when John (my first husband) was terminally ill.
Our discussion had turned sad and because I was afraid I had upset her, I mentioned that without the depths of the lows, it is difficult to truly appreciate the highs. What I didn’t say to her was that if you’re lucky, overcoming significant obstacles teaches you a new internal dialog. It teaches you perspective.
It teaches you how to choose to be happy.
You Can Choose Happiness
In fact, my daughter’s pre-school teacher summed up this very same lesson with the phrase, “You get what you get and you don’t get upset”. (That phrase has been uttered hundreds of times in our house! Particularly with identical twins, this phrase comes in handy.) If that doesn’t work, then I add, “Well, it’s your choice. You can have what was given to you or I can just take away the option all together. Which would you prefer?”
Focus On How You Can Choose to Be Happy
But for some people this life lesson is much more difficult. What if what you were “given” made your life very difficult? And no one could take that difficult part away, even if they wanted to.
For example, my nephew Daniel has Asperger’s syndrome. He doesn’t have a choice about that. To live a happy and full life he and his family focus on what he can do, and they never wallow in pity of what he can’t do.
Maybe you’re familiar with Nick Vujicic; he’s an inspirational speaker from Australia. His slogan is, “No arms, no legs, no worries”. Can you imagine the difficulty in choosing happiness if you were born with no arms and no legs? It took him several years to choose happiness–to focus on (and derive happiness from) what he can do and not on what he can’t. Now he’s a young man inspiring thousands around the globe.
Kris’s Story
The reason I asked Kris Harty to co-write this episode is because she identifies herself as a “stickability specialist” and thought leader on helping people persevere. Similar to Nick, she considered herself a “have-not” for many years. She said, “I didn’t have money, a great job, a husband or kids, or great health.” But ultimately she realized that what she DID have was more valuable. She had–and still has–an amazing support network and the ability to inspire others with her story.
Kris was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis at age seven. She lived with its serious, extremely debilitating, and painful effects for 40 years. She said, “I used to focus on how much it caused me to miss out on in life.” Arthritis affected her professional life. Arthritis affected her personal life. Nothing was untouched.
But ultimately, with the help of a friend, she chose to be happy. She told me, “I realized that the issues that previously caused me sorrow and angst also provided experiences that gave me strength, understanding, and perspective. I only needed to recognize the positives I’d received to start seeing my life and abilities in a positive light. What I lacked outwardly, I made up for inwardly.”
Choose Happiness Even When It’s Difficult
Kris chose to be happy. And my point is, sometimes it is extremely difficult to choose happiness. Do you think you could choose happiness if you were in Kris’s (or Nick’s or Daniel’s) shoes? Do you think you could choose happiness if you’ve been out of work for many months? Do you think you could choose happiness if someone cut your off in traffic?
I’m going to say it again, because for me it took some time to internalize, happiness is a choice. Really.
It’s more than optimism. It’s more than the glass is half full (and not half empty). Happiness is a choice. Sometimes it’s a very difficult choice, but a choice nonetheless.
I want to be clear, I am NOT saying that you can’t or shouldn’t mourn the loss of what you might have been able to do, or what you can no longer do. Instead, I’m suggesting that you don’t get stuck in that sadness. Don’t wallow in despair. As hard as it may be, you can and need to choose to be happy.
It takes strength. It takes strategies. It takes purposeful action to think about and savor what you do have. That, of course, is the hard part.
So you’re probably wondering, then why struggle? Why go to all the effort?
Why Choose Happiness?
Well, there’s quite a bit of research (Kashdan, 2010) that suggests that happier people tend live longer, healthier lives, happy people sleep better, happy people are more creative, and happy people are viewed more positively by other people, happy people have stronger, more intimate friendships and the list goes on.
So the real question is how exactly do we choose to be happy? Recently Richard A. Easterlin, a professor at the University of Southern California, suggested that it is possible to make our lives happier by devoting more time to our family and our health and less time to making money.
Seems obvious, right? But think about it. How many times do you give up family and friendship time because of work obligations? I am always amazed at how many work-related phone calls and emails I receive during the weekends. (And my husband is amazed, well maybe amazed isn’t exactly the right word, that I answer them!)
So today’s episode is really just a reminder that happiness is a choice. Oh, and don’t worry, I won’t leave you hanging. In the second part of the program I’ll give you some concrete action steps to help you choose happiness. In the meantime, I challenge you to think about what you do have. Think about the gifts you’ve been given and how you can share them with others.
This is The Public Speaker, Lisa B. Marshall; passionate about communication, your success is my business. Resources for this article can be found on my blog at lisabmarshall.com. I invite you to share your stories or strategies that have worked for you. I’ll choose a one or two to include in the next part.
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