Sibling Rivalry
When it comes to helping your children get along with one another, you can do so by encouraging them at a young age to show affection and respect.
Cherylyn Feierabend
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Sibling Rivalry
Hey there! You’re listening to the Mighty Mommy with some quick and dirty tips for practical parenting. Today I’ll be talking about sibling rivalry.
Having grown up with two brothers, I am very familiar with sibling rivalry. It’s unavoidable if you have more than one child. Whether they are close in age or several years apart, your children will have disagreements. This doesn’t happen simply because they are siblings. Any time you have people living together you can expect a difference of opinion on occasion. Children are individuals and you cannot assume that they will all get along. You can, however, encourage them to have a good relationship that will last. Once they are grown, they’ll have to decide if they want to continue being friends.
The most obvious tip I can tell you is something you already know. Don’t play favorites. This sounds much easier than it is. Certain people will simply have better chemistry when faced with each other. So, while it doesn’t seem you are playing favorites, you may get along better with one of your children than you do with the other or others. The best way I’ve found to combat this is to make sure to spend time alone with each child. Both parents should try to spend individual time with each individual child. Special one-on-one time spent with a child is usually a favorite activity and will often become a favorite memory as well.
Another thing parents tend to do when you have more then one child is compare. Try to avoid making comparisons. It’s not easy to hear, “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” If you pit children against each other it will lead to resentment and possible rebellion. Children have a tendency to become what they think you expect them to become. In other words, if you are repeatedly telling a child they aren’t as good as his siblings, he might stop trying. This is not always the case, but it’s always better to guide with positive words. If making a comparison will help encourage the child in a positive direction then, I think that’s acceptable, but be sure to use words that are not going to make one child feel inferior to another. An example of a positive comparison would be, “Your sister uses the potty and soon you will too!”
When it comes to helping your children get along with one another, you can do so by encouraging them at a young age to show affection and respect. My daughter takes the bus to school. Every time she gets off the bus she gives me a great big hug. Her two-year-old brother waits eagerly for her to finish hugging mommy so he can receive his hug. While most days she runs right into his waiting arms, sometimes she needs a little nudge in that direction. I think it’s important to remind her that he wants to give her hugs and she should comply. It’s rare that she doesn’t want to and I don’t force her, but it’s something I hope will stay with them through the years. Even as young as two and four, I encourage them to show each other respect as much as they can understand. This includes speaking to each other respectfully, using “please” and “thank you”, and asking each other to share toys instead of just taking the things they want.
I have a friend who recently wrote a blog about offering her children incentive to get along during a vacation. I won’t get into the details of what she offered the children, but she mentioned that she felt as though she’d bribed them. I didn’t see it that way at all. She wanted everyone in the family to have a great time on vacation. Her children had spent much of their time bickering prior to the vacation and Mom was hoping for a nice, peaceful vacation. So, she gave her children an incentive. If they could go the entire week without bickering, they would each get a prize. During the vacation the children didn’t fight. She mentioned that they came close, but then one of them would remind the other of the incentive and that would end the argument. The result was that everyone, even the kids, had a great time and the peacefulness even lasted a week after the family returned home. Sometimes the kids don’t realize that if they stop spending so much time fighting, they can spend more time having fun!
My final tip for today is to let kids work things out on their own, especially if you don’t know who is at fault. You will probably never know and reprimanding both could encourage rivalry whereas giving them something to share can encourage a bond. Of course, these would be times where choosing your battles come in as well. Make sure the gravity of the situation is such that it’s acceptable for them to work it out. If one child spilled a cup of water, does it really matter who did it? If they are drinking fruit punch in the room with the brand new white carpet, that’s another story. And, if you have kids, why do you have brand new white carpet anyway? That’s just silly.
That’s it for now. I hope you’ve enjoyed listening. If you haven’t already done so, please take a moment to post a review at iTunes. I’d really appreciate it.
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This is your friend the Mighty Mommy wishing you happy and fun parenting!”
Music – “Golly Gee” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons “Attribution 2.0” https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/
Girls Fighting image courtesy of Shutterstock