I’d Like to Share This with You
Older children understand the need for sharing, but they don’t always like it.
Cherylyn Feierabend
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I’d Like to Share This with You
Hey there! You’re listening to the Mighty Mommy with some quick and dirty tips for practical parenting.
Stuff … my kids have a lot of stuff. With all the stuff they have, I have to wonder why they both want to play with the same toy dinosaur at the exact same moment of time! We have at least 25 dinosaurs. Why must they argue and fight over just one of them? Ugh! It makes me crazy. I’m sure I never had arguments like this with my brothers when I was a kid, right? OK, maybe I did, but that doesn’t make it acceptable. Lucky for me, my kids are now old enough to understand sharing, even if they don’t really like to do it.
Children will start understanding the concept of sharing somewhere around the age of three. So, if your two-year-old toddler isn’t giving up his toy gracefully, remember that he doesn’t really know why he should. He still thinks that his feelings are the only ones in existence. Once your child is old enough to know better, then you’ll want to take the extra steps to help him make the right choice when it comes to sharing.
One of the first things you can do is participate in play dates with other children. In order for a child to learn how to share, he needs to be put in a position where sharing will be necessary. Children who haven’t had much social interaction may not be as likely to offer up their toys as those who are used to other kids being around. Invite other children to your home and accept play date invitations elsewhere. Introduce your child to the act of sharing his own toys as well as the sharing of his friends’ toys.
Older children understand the need for sharing, but they don’t always like it. One method that we find works in our home is timed-turn-taking. If there is an item that both children want to play with, but that they cannot seem to work out a system for sharing, I will step in and offer a solution. If I know who had the item first, that child may keep the item for three minutes. We set the timer and when it goes off, the item passes to the second child who then has the item for three minutes and passes it back. If I don’t know who had the item first, I can usually get an honest answer, but if there is a ruckus about it, I generally put the toy in a time out and nobody gets to play for a while. This generally elicits a positive response such as, “No, Mommy. Don’t put the dinosaur in time out. My brother can play with it first!” If I do put the toy in time out, it stays there until both children appear to have forgotten about it and then it makes its way back into the toy box.
Some toys and games in our house are duplicates. We have two toy guitars, two toy cash registers, and a lot of dinosaurs and baby dolls. It’s amazing how much role playing can be done with dinosaurs and baby dolls. The most coveted item in the house however is the kids’ computer. We have a few games on the computer that require the children to take turns, such as Candyland, but many of the programs are for one child at a time. When the children fight, the solution is simple. I don’t allow them to use the computer. It really is that simple. They either take turns or neither of them gets to use it. It is a quick and dirty tip, but I believe it to be the most effective. If your children enjoy something, they won’t want it taken away and they will be much more willing to share.
Finally, I’d like to offer a couple more things to consider. First, please remember to acknowledge your children when they are sharing. Rewarding good behavior is a key element in raising polite, good-natured children. Second, choose items that your children will want to play with together. Several cans of Play-Doh are easy to share. Even if both kids want green, you can divvy it up for them. If you have a toy that your children are constantly battling over and it isn’t a great expense for you, consider buying two of them. Sometimes, it’s nice to have something you don’t have to share especially when you are a kid.
That’s all the time I have today and my house is still overrun with dinosaurs, so I need to start the round-up. Thanks for listening.
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