How to Write Email That Works for Sane, Online Discussion

I’ve been part of online discussions for more years than almost anyone else. Email can be the worst; an innocent comment can easily become name-calling and finger-pointing, without making much useful progress. For almost ten years, my Harvard Business School Working Knowledge article on email overload was the #1 Google hit for the phrase. Sadly, in the last year, everyone’s jumped on the bandwagon, so I no longer top the rankings. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t awesome things you can do to learn how to write email effectively.

One thing I’ve found helpful in learning how to write email without things getting heated is to keep it short! Most people don’t read beyond their preview window, so 20-page well-researched scholarly emails are pointless. No one will read them! I limit my responses to 100–200 words of text at most. That increases my chances of being read. But no matter how long my response, after writing it, but before sending it, I scan it and edit to make it less likely to provoke strong  emotions. When I’m done, I have a masterpiece of effective online writing, and off it goes.

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Eliminate Personal Attacks

First, scan for anything that could possibly be construed as a personal attack. Business email should never contain personal attacks. The thing about violence, even verbal violence, is that people don’t tend to respond to it by saying, “Gee, I guess you’re right. Now I want to open-mindedly listen to you.” No, violence escalates. Anything that could be construed as a personal attack, even if you didn’t mean it that way, can trigger a defensive response.

When learning how to write nonviolent email, start by noticing what each sentence deals with. If a sentence mentions the person, rephrase it to concentrate solely on the issue you’re discussing. “Your hiring recommendation proves you’re the office imbecile and deserve to be fired” becomes “I have some concerns about the hiring situation.” You’re removing the personal attack, eliminating your revenge fantasy, and shifting from “your hiring recommendation” to “the hiring situation.” That way, you can frame your message as “let’s us pals fight against this tricky, evil hiring situation,” rather than “let my right idea blast your wrong idea out of existence.”

Don’t be personal. You’ll only invite attacks in return.

How to Write Email That Communicates Facts

Once you’ve eliminated personal attacks, put your attention on something more subtle: personal facts. If you are stating facts you expect the other person to know, speak in terms of yourself and your understanding. “You obviously never got the memo that our budget is only $5,000 this year” becomes “My understanding is that our budget is only $5,000 this year.”

See Also: Writing Good E-mail Subject Lines

You’re doing this to reduce the attack factor, but you’re also doing this because there’s an itsy-bitsy, teensy-eensy chance that they might be right and you might be wrong. If they disagree, you can ask to compare sources.

“No,” they write, “our budget is $7,000.” You now write, “Huh. I’m puzzled. I thought it was $5,000. I’m going off the memo dated February 1st from Rajo.” They respond, “I’m going off the February 7th memo from Yukari.” Guess what? You’re both right. Now you can go find Raja and Yukari and get to the bottom of the situation.

How to Add Citations When You Write Email

One thing people do all the time online is throw out “facts” (quote-unquote) that they found online. Usually from a hysterical blogger who agrees with their views on a controversial issue, but who is disconnected from reality just enough to have no problem making up “facts.”

When you’re sharing facts and figures, make sure you have high-quality sources. Even though we now have a substantial portion of the entire human race’s information at our fingertips, I’m always amazed at how rarely anyone (including me!) actually bothers to do even small amounts of research before opening their mouths. Don’t make my mistakes! If you’re going to claim that a country just dropped its trade barriers so you should expand operations into that country, spend 30 seconds on Google and verify the story.

And please, use high-quality sources. Don’t quote Hysterical Blogger 318, your favorite Hollywood celebrity, or hearsay. Find facts and figures from non-partisan sources or news sources that still have high journalistic standards. If the sources are online, include a link in your message.

As the gun control debates raged on in late 2012, to the extent that I participated in the so-called conversation, I included citations. I would put links to statistics from FBI.GOV, the National Institute of Justice, and the Harvard School of Public Health in my posts. It didn’t calm anyone down, but it certainly prevented them from mindlessly calling me names. Now if only everyone had included actual data, we could have had a productive policy discussion. As it was, citations helped keep the heat level mostly under control. Which is good. Because half the participants were packing heat.

Do This Even If They Attack

Speaking of packing heat, it’s the 21st century. You just might post status updates to the world that give your exact GPS location. That means they know where you live, and your followers might just be a little bit wacko.

Which makes it all the more important to keep your composure when they fly off the handle. Even if they start to attack you personally with made-up facts that are really just ungrounded opinion, stick to these guidelines! Keep it calm, level-headed, and impersonal.

See Also: How to Write Better Emails

You see, it’s important to remember when you write email or status updates that anything you put online is permanent. If someone takes a screen shot or saves a copy of the conversation, it could surface a few years from now and do all kinds of damage to your reputation. Everything you type online may someday be visible to a future employer, so treat it not as writing, but as publishing. No matter how private you believe the forum.

Add Pleasantries

Once you’ve finished your reply, before sending it, make sure to add the little pleasantries. Put in a polite introduction “Dear so-and-So.” Add a nice signoff like “Kindest regards,” or “Awaiting your response” or “Your devoted servant forever.” Though these seem to be a waste of time, manners make everything go a little smoother.

When you’re communicating online, putting your best voice forward is important. You never know who will read what you’ve written, or when. Review everything you write, after you write it. Don’t attack, stick to the facts as you see them, and provide citations. Politely. Stay polite even when they attack, and use good manners. That’s how to write email. In a future episode, we’ll explore how to be on the receiving end of someone who’s trolling the Internet for a fight.

Peace out!

Work Less, Do More, and have a Great Life!

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