4 Ways You and Your Child Can Win the Bedwetting Battle
If bedwetting is a problem in your household, here are four ways to help your child overcome this trying situation and keep your spirits happy and dry.
Cheryl Butler
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4 Ways You and Your Child Can Win the Bedwetting Battle
One of the most delightful milestones in parenting is successfully toilet-training a child. Every experience is different, but in the end when a child finally realizes he can use the toilet instead of his pull-up—the celebration might well go on for days!
As exciting as it is to see your child wearing underpants instead of a diaper, for some kids the triumph is short-lived. Although she is quite capable of using the toilet throughout the day, unfortunately she might not have the same success throughout the night due to a condition simply known as bedwetting.
Bedwetting, also called nocturnal enuresis, is a common condition affecting 20% of 5-year-olds, 10% of 10-year-olds, and 3% of 15-year-olds. There are several medical reasons why this condition occurs, so it’s important to start there in discussing remedies that can help your child (and you as a family) to not let this condition dampen your spirits.
The Mayo Clinic’s article on bedwetting explains this condition to be involuntary urination while asleep after the age at which staying dry at night can be reasonably expected.
Further explained in this article are some of the causes of bedwetting:
No one knows for sure what causes bedwetting, but various factors may play a role:
- A small bladder. Your child’s bladder may not be developed enough to hold urine produced during the night.
- Inability to recognize a full bladder. If the nerves that control the bladder are slow to mature, a full bladder may not wake your child—especially if your child is a deep sleeper.
- A hormone imbalance. During childhood, some kids don’t produce enough anti-diuretic hormone (ADH) to slow nighttime urine production.
- Urinary tract infection. This infection can make it difficult for your child to control urination. Signs and symptoms may include bedwetting, daytime accidents, frequent urination, red or pink urine, and pain during urination.
- Sleep apnea. Sometimes bedwetting is a sign of obstructive sleep apnea, a condition in which the child’s breathing is interrupted during sleep—often due to inflamed or enlarged tonsils or adenoids. Other signs and symptoms may include snoring and daytime drowsiness.
- Diabetes. For a child who’s usually dry at night, bedwetting may be the first sign of diabetes. Other signs and symptoms may include passing large amounts of urine at once, increased thirst, fatigue and weight loss in spite of a good appetite.
- Chronic constipation. The same muscles are used to control urine and stool elimination. When constipation is long term, these muscles can become dysfunctional and contribute to bedwetting at night.
- A structural problem in the urinary tract or nervous system. Rarely, bedwetting is related to a defect in the child’s neurological system or urinary system.
If you have a child that is struggling with bedwetting on a regular basis, it can definitely cause a lot of tension in your household because of the sheer frustration your child will be experiencing with such a delicate matter that is often out of his control.
Combine that with the extra physical burdens of constantly washing and drying sheets and bedding, mattress covers, pajamas, and the regular baths and showers that are needed the following morning to remove the urine smell from your child—the entire ordeal can seem like a nightmare.
The fact of the matter is—bedwetting is a part of raising children and although it can certainly be a burden, there is nothing to be ashamed about (for your child or you as the parent!), and eventually (unless it’s a medical situation) your child will outgrow it.
If bedwetting is a problem in your household, here are four ways to help your child overcome this trying situation and keep your spirits happy and dry.
4 Ways to Help Your Child Overcome the Difficult Stages of Bed-Wetting
- Explore Why It’s Happening
- Select Strategies and Stay the Course
- Shell the Shame
- Cut Yourself Some Slack
A more detailed explanation follows:
1. Explore Why It’s Happening
The best advice I received from my pediatrician when one of my kids was wetting the bed after he was toilet trained was to take a deep breath and try to chill out. She went on to say that even though this situation seemed so hopeless at present, it was going to pass—we just had to figure out what was happening and deal with it.
We learned that it was twice as likely to occur in boys than in girls and that bedwetting is very likely to be heredity. (It runs in my family—so I was well aware of how daunting this period of time can be on both parents and siblings.)
Her experience with bedwetting patients was that it was very often a child who had a smaller bladder capacity than most kids their age. Because of this, their bladders are not able to hold all of their urine until morning.
Another reason as stated above is when a child suffers from constipation. This is because the extra stool that the child is holding in her rectum may push against the bladder causing the bladder to believe it is fuller than it really might be.
Our pediatrician screened our son for other medical conditions such as diabetes and urinary tract infections, but because of my family’s history with bedwetting, we learned our son was following suit, and we knew we were going to have to select some strategies and ride it out.
If you have a child who is wetting the bed at night and shouldn’t be, although it’s quite easy to become discouraged, try to keep in mind that your child will overcome this. Speaking to your pediatrician can be very helpful, as it was for us, and it also put our worried parenting minds at ease that there wasn’t a serious medical problem causing our son’s bedwetting—it was simply the way his body was made.
This is definitely one of those parenting quandaries that isn’t pleasant, but with a lot of love and patience you will all come through this just fine.
2. Select Strategies and Stay the Course
Once you realize your child’s bedwetting is not just a fluke and any medical concerns have been ruled out, it’s important to find some strategies to implement to help your child stay dry.
There are several approaches you can take to win the bed-wetting battle. Every child will respond differently to the help that is available, so don’t be upset if you try something that doesn’t work right off the bat. Sometimes it’s hit or miss or trying a combination of approaches before you find the right solution.
Here are some of the strategies that we tried with our son that were recommended from our pediatrician as well as gleaned from reading material that we explored while facing bedwetting several years ago.
Encourage Using the Toilet Regularly. Have your child take bathroom breaks routinely throughout the day and right before bed to keep your child’s bladder emptying on a regular basis.
Eliminate Bladder Irritants. Cleveland Clinic’s article How to Help Your Child Stop Wetting the Bed suggests removing items such as caffeine, citrus juices, artificial flavorings, dyes (especially red), and sweeteners.
Encourage Regular Intake of Liquids. Some kids wait and guzzle down drinks towards the end of the day if they’ve been busy at play or in school and don’t stay hydrated. Regular hydration may help to eliminate excessive liquid closer to bedtime.
Establish a Bedtime Routine. Kids who wet the bed at night may get anxious before going to bed because they know they’ll probably end up soiling the sheets. It’s no fun to wake up in the middle of the night soaking wet in urine. It’s cold and uncomfortable. Prepare a calming routine for your child which might include a warm bath or shower, brushing teeth, snuggling with mom or dad and reading a bedtime story and then an encouraging message as you tuck them in about how you love him and wish him sweet dreams.
Don’t Wake Your Child During the Night. I remember thinking what a great idea it would be if we woke our son up in the middle of the night to give him the chance to pee in hopes he wouldn’t wet the bed. Not only did that backfire, he was extremely cranky the next day because his sleep was interrupted. Many experts agree that this isn’t worth the trouble. Let a sleeping child lay!
Helpful Tools and Products:
Many parents look for products to assist their child during the difficult time of bedwetting. Here are several that might benefit your family.
- An alarm that your child wears at night. The alarm goes off when he starts to pee and helps teach him to wake up when he has a full bladder. (Discuss with your pediatrician for recommendations.)
- Bedwetting medications. There are several over-the-counter medications available that can treat the symptoms of bed-wetting, but not cure it. (Check with your pediatrician for recommendations.)
- Use a hospital-strength plastic mattress cover to avoid damage to the mattress.
- Place a large towel underneath the bed sheet for extra absorption.
- Nighttime pull-up bladder protection pants.
My son eventually stayed dry at night after approximately six months. It certainly wasn’t an easy stretch but the combination of a solid bedtime routine and being as consistent as possible having him use the toilet throughout the day and before he went to sleep eventually paid off.
3. Shell the Shame
As a parent, one of the most painful parts of watching your child wrestle with bedwetting is witnessing their self-esteem take a rapid plummet. As exasperating as this period of time can be, one of the best things you can do to help your child through it is to show him the love, and refrain from letting them see any glimpse of disappointment.
In Scholastic’s Guide to Bedwetting, pediatric nephrologist Elizabeth C. Jackson, M.D., director of the Healthy Bladder Clinic at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital, recommends not letting your child see your frustration. “Belittling or punishing will only chip away at your child’s self-esteem, which can actually prolong bedwetting,” she says. “As with any other skill, your child may give up trying if there’s criticism or anger over something he can’t control.” Instead, counter accidents with something uplifting, like “I know you’re bummed, but we’ll try again for dry sheets tomorrow night.”
It’s also very helpful if you talk to your child about what’s going on so she doesn’t feel like she’s doing something wrong.
Let your child know that lots of other kids experience this same problem so she doesn’t feel so alone.
If bedwetting is a part of your own childhood, share that with your child. Knowing that you or another close member of your family struggled with bedwetting can be comforting as well as offer proof that he will also outgrow it.
Most importantly, let your child know he is not to blame. Explain the different factors involved such as some kids having smaller bladders or being very deep sleepers that can’t feel the urge to urinate in the middle of the night. Keep reminding him that this is all temporary and eventually he will wake up dry.
Read books together. Reading books with your child about the subject of bedwetting can be helpful, comforting, and entertaining, particularly if you incorporate it into your bedtime routine.
Here are some favorites:
- Dry All Night: The Picture Book Technique That Stops Bedwetting by Alison Mack
- Sammy the Elephant & Mr. Camel A Story to Help Children Overcome Bedwetting by Joyce C Mills PhD
- Ferdinand Uses the Potty: Overcoming Bed-Wetting Fears by Jason Tucker
While we’re on the topic of shame, the discussion of bedwetting among your own circle of friends is delicate, but certainly not shameful. My advice, however, is to choose who you share this information with very carefully. In fact you might even ask your child if he/she is comfortable with you discussing it period. If your child is a bit older and you innocently share this with the town crier over a cup of coffee, word could spread like wild fire, and think of the damage that could do.
4. Cut Yourself Some Slack
Nobody said parenting was going to be easy, and when a situation like bedwetting arrives on the scene it can take your already challenging day-to-day life and complicate it tremendously.
When we were battling the bedwetting saga with our son, we had several other children (older and younger), and I was pregnant. Getting up in the wee hours of the morning to change wet sheets while about to give birth was not high on my list of fun, but I can still hear my son’s timid voice thanking me each time I helped him after he peed the bed. He wasn’t feeling very good about himself or seeing his very pregnant mom changing the bed night after night, but there was no way I ever wanted that kid to see me struggling, tired, or upset because of a bodily function he just had no control over.
I won’t lie, there were a handful of times I would retreat to the bathroom and shed a few tears. I was exhausted, sleep deprived, physically uncomfortable, and a tiny part of me felt sorry for myself on a few of those late-night sheet changes.
If I wasn’t pregnant I probably would have had an extra glass of wine or two, but since that wasn’t in the cards, I realized that I was only human too, and more than anything else I had to cut myself some slack.
On the days I just didn’t have anything extra to give during that stressful period, I would choose to let other things in the house go. Not vacuuming for a week or making boxed mac & cheese for dinner a few nights in a row wasn’t going to ruin us as a family!
If you and your family are navigating the stressful territory of bedwetting, remember that this will eventually pass and until then, be kind to yourself—that might well be one of the best gifts you can give to your child until he is over the hump and staying dry night after night.
What bedwetting remedies worked for your family? Share your thoughts in the comment section at quickanddirtytips.com/mighty-mommy or post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. You can also connect with me on Twitter @MightyMommy or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.comcreate new email.
About the Author
Cheryl L. Butler was the host of the Mighty Mommy podcast for nine years from 2012 to 2021. She is the mother of eight children. Her experiences with infertility, adoption, seven pregnancies, and raising children with developmental delays have helped her become a resource on the joys and challenges of parenting. You can reach her by email.