6 Reasons to Embrace Parenting Later in Life
There’s a positive side to having kids earlier in life, but there are also plenty of benefits in starting a family later on. Mighty Mommy shares six reasons parenting as an older mom can be just as rewarding and beneficial.
Cheryl Butler
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6 Reasons to Embrace Parenting Later in Life
Women who give birth later in life (or adopt) are on the rise. and I know because I am one of them. After six years of infertility, at the age of 29, we were finally blessed with our first child through the amazing experience of adoption. One year later, I gave birth to our second child and then…I had six more babies! I joke about how I was pregnant for a decade and went from having no children in my twenties to having eight in my thirties, in fact, I delivered our youngest child when I had just turned 40. As a result, I know what it’s like to have a kid when you’re in your late 20s, or in your early 40s, and have weighed the differences between both; I’ve also been able to compare with and watch my friends who had kids in their early or mid-twenties instead.
There’s a flip side to having kids earlier in life, but there are also plenty of benefits in starting a family later in life too:
Reason #1: Going With The Flow
Because infertility played a large part in my delay in becoming a mom, I sat quietly on the sidelines and observed most of my best friends as they became parents for the first time. Though I ached to have a child of my own, I was still happy to be able to observe their lives as new parents and I won’t lie, jumped at the chance to be a part of Christenings, first birthday parties, and babysitting when they wanted a much-needed date night. Not only did this “warm me up” for when I finally became a mom, it also afforded me plenty of opportunities to observe real-life parenting in the now. I saw some of my best friends have mini nervous breakdowns over things like spilled milk, messy houses, and potty training that took more than a week. One thing that parenting as an “older mom” really afforded me was learning not to sweat the small stuff but instead, go with the flow. The art of relaxation is a gift that any age group can benefit from, but in my younger years, I know I wouldn’t have gleaned this quite as easily as I did a little later on in life.
Reason #2: Living in Gratitude
As an older mother, I find humor in things that would have probably made me cry in my twenty-something years—a kid who picked his nose and ate it, a little girl who wore her favorite pajamas to school rather than the totally coordinated ensemble purchased at Baby Gap, serving stale, dry cereal for dinner rather than a healthy 5-course meal. Because I had my kids a little later in life, I’m able to take time to appreciate just how rich my life really is. I am blessed with college grads, college freshman, high schoolers and, yes, an elementary aged-kid. If we run out of toilet paper then no worries, we have Kleenex. If my child isn’t the most popular or athletically inclined—hey, she’s got one best friend who always has her back and thank goodness she can play the trumpet, even if she can’t swing a tennis racket. The older I get, the more grateful I become, and when it comes to parenting that is definitely a benefit I won’t take for granted. See Also: 5 Benefits of Gratitude and 4 Tips to Cultivate It
Reason #3: Coping Better
When we adopted our first child at the age of 29, my husband and I knew absolutely nothing about the reality of being parents. Though I had witnessed my friends trying to console their screeching babies, until you’ve had to stay awake all night with one of your own, it’s truly hard to fathom the emotional and physical skill set you need to survive something like a month of sleepless nights. Because we really became entrenched in the life of 24/7 parenting during our 30’s, we had already experienced lots of life’s setbacks by way of career, financial, and even emotional growth challenges. These “real-life” experiences in our twenties and early thirties offered us the chance to cultivate our coping skills so that when a crisis did hit, we were better equipped to deal with it. This served us well when we finally did become parents later in life such as when our 4th son contracted whooping cough at 8 week’s old. We were told he might not survive because it had gone undiagnosed for too long. I’m almost certain had I not been a bit older of a mom, I may have gone to pieces under such pressure, but having already experienced a good handful of life’s ups and downs, I was able to rely on my faith and calmer instincts to keep myself and rest of my family in tact until he recovered. See Also: 9 Crucial Life Skills to Teach Your Child
Reason #4: Having More Time
Though we certainly didn’t plan to become parents later in life, because we had so many years of infertility, we were afforded the opportunity to do lots of traveling, explore our area for a neighborhood that really fit our needs and grow our careers simply because we hadn’t been blessed with children yet.
Once our family did start to grow, a large handful of items on our “young-married life” bucket list had already been crossed off, so when our kids did start up in school, the time was right to become involved with PTO, classroom activities, and, of course, extra-curricular clubs that required “hands on” time from mom and dad—all without the guilt of having to choose between home and work.
Reason #5: Not Hovering
Although having our first few kids in our thirties didn’t necessarily stop me from checking to make sure my newborns were breathing in the middle of the night or still want to hold on tightly to their hands when we went to a public place like a large department store or a busy park, we definitely felt a lot more relaxed in regards to letting our kids find their own way in situations such as learning to share toys during a playdate or actually let them take charge of their own science project rather than lending too many helping hands so it would be worthy of the best grade possible. With age comes the ability to chill out a bit more, and that means it’s easier to step aside and let our kids learn without us breathing down their neck and monitoring their every move. Not only is this healthy for our kids, but it’s down-right freeing as a parent to watch them beam with pride regardless of whether their handpicked outfit is a combination of ghastly stripes and plaids. See Also: How to Stop Helicopter Parenting
Reason #6: Making Self-Care a Priority
If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a parent through the years, it’s that the best gift we can give our family is always making the time to care for our own personal needs. There will never be a perfect parenting regimen, but there can be a much better balance if you’re willing to make tradeoffs in certain areas of your life. A large part of the successful balance equation is when Mom finally realizes that she must tune into her own emotions as well as her physical, and mental health requirements, and as an older mom, this was definitely something I understood because I had been able to nurture myself for the many years before I was finally blessed with my family.
Somehow, today’s parents (moms in particular) are wracked with guilt and determined to make all things relating to the child, regardless of the toll it takes on them personally, as the top priority. We have a fear that doing anything else might be considered a failure in this role. Listen up—that is just not the case, in fact, it is the total opposite. No matter what age you were when you became a mom, by nurturing and caring for our own needs, and setting boundaries with our kids to create some personal space, we are able to be healthier, happier, less resentful parents.
What are your thoughts about becoming a parent later in life? Share your thoughts in the Comments section at quickanddirtytips.com/mighty-mommy, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page, or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.comcreate new email.
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About the Author
Cheryl L. Butler was the host of the Mighty Mommy podcast for nine years from 2012 to 2021. She is the mother of eight children. Her experiences with infertility, adoption, seven pregnancies, and raising children with developmental delays have helped her become a resource on the joys and challenges of parenting. You can reach her by email.