6 Ways to Be More Optimistic
March is National Optimism Month. Mighty Mommy shares 6 ways to inject the power of positive thinking into your life. The glass is half full, really!
Cheryl Butler
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6 Ways to Be More Optimistic
Do you see the glass as half full? Do you always look for the silver lining? Do you assume the sun will come out tomorrow?
Or are you rolling your eyes because you typically see the glass as half empty and since the sun hasn’t been out in over a week, why should it make an appearance tomorrow?
If you lean towards the first examples, you definitely fall into the category of optimist. If the latter, well, that puts you in the pessimist column. And according to recent studies, our outlook on life is actually hardwired.
But there is good news! Even if you aren’t an optimistic by nature, you can still begin seeing the positive side of life more often. As a parent there are many benefits for you and your family if you shift out of those negative gears and learn how to see your world through rose colored glasses.
March is National Optimism Month—the perfect time to inject the power of positive thinking into your role as a parent. Mighty Mommy (a bit of a Pollyanna herself) shares six ways you can bring more optimism into your life.
Even if you aren’t an optimistic by nature, you can still begin seeing the positive side of life more often.
The Benefits of Positivity
It may come as no surprise that optimists not only find the good in most situations, they also live more joyful, healthier lives. The Psychology Today article “4 Reasons Why an Optimistic Outlook Is Good for Your Health” shows that optimists tend to take charge of their physical health and are also careful not to overindulge in habits such as smoking, excessive drinking, and eating a poor diet. Optimism also allows people to tackle challenges head-on rather than pushing them to the back burner.
For example, if an optimist were to receive a diagnosis of Type 2 diabetes, they would be more likely to research this health condition and take steps to manage it properly, rather than staring at the pantry filled with cookies and moaning “Why me?”
Finally, positive people tend to have a close-knit circle of friends to lend them support when the going gets rough, which makes rebounding from a difficult situation a bit easier.
If it wasn’t for my optimistic outlook, I could not have trudged my way through five years of infertility in my 20s. I spent most of that first year going through invasive testing, juggling one disappointment after another. I was physically and emotionally drained, focusing every waking minute on achieving my goal of pregnancy, no matter the cost. After a year with no success, my doctor recommended I seek support via a therapist trained in infertility. My first reaction was an absolute no. What did I care about the opinions of a stranger who’d probably never been through this terrible experience? In spite of my knee-jerk reaction, a tiny inner voice pleaded to give it a try. What did I have to lose?
I’m thankful to this day that I honored my inner voice because those sessions with the infertility therapist were a gamechanger. The entire basis of her treatment plan was that we get back what we put in. If doom and gloom was the center of my universe, I’d attract those feelings into my daily life. But on the other hand, if I could turn my attention to the things I was grateful for and looking forward to, regardless of whether or not I was pregnant, I would eventually start seeing my present circumstances in a different light.
In all honesty, I didn’t buy into this right away. But eventually I realized I had two choices—be miserable every month or get excited about the good things in my life. Little by little I was able to let go of the fear and negativity, especially once we decided to pursue adoption because we knew that we’d have a family one way or another.
Several years later we adopted our beautiful infant daughter and a year to the day after we brought her home, I gave birth to our first son—two incredible reminders that silver linings do exist!
Rewire Your Negative Thinking Habits
Do you often compare yourself to other parents, thinking that they have their act together while you’re secretly struggling to keep up with the laundry and serve a meal that doesn’t come from the drive-thru? Maybe you’re a stay-at-home parent who doesn’t feel successful compared to the other working professionals in your neighborhood? Are you constantly trying to please all the people in your world—your spouse, kids, mother-in-law, overbearing boss, and even the strangers you meet while grocery shopping (“You only have a few items in your carriage, why don’t you go in front of me”)?
If any of this sounds familiar, you’re probably used to flooding your mind with negative thoughts because you’re trying to compensate for feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, guilt, and worse—regret. These are all traits of a pessimist.
But you don’t have to continue in this destructive mindset. Through the practice of cognitive flexibility (the ability to shift our thoughts and adapt our behavior to the changing environment), we can transform negative thoughts into productive positive ones.
Psychologist Dr. Melanie Greenberg explains that if you’re mindful of your adverse thought patterns, you can replace them with life-affirming ones. “Our brains possess the capacity for neuroplasticity, which means that practicing new ways of thinking and behaving can actually change your brain neurons and the pathways between them” (6 Mental Habits That Will Wear You Down).
Before I went to see the infertility therapist, I felt like a total failure. I let my husband down because I couldn’t get pregnant like all his friends’ wives and I let my parents down because they would not have grandkids.
Through the practice of cognitive flexibility, we can transform negative thoughts into productive positive ones.
After my sessions, I began to pay attention to those self-defeating thoughts, and with practice, I trained myself to think about the fun things we would do with our future kids instead of focusing on the current negatives. I reminded myself that we weren’t trying to have a baby to please those around us, we were creating a family of our own. Soon enough, it became easier to apply this process to my other negative thought patterns such as guilt about saying no to a neighbor’s request of pet sitting. I stopped thinking that the grass was always greener in someone else’s yard because in truth, we never know what is happening in the personal lives of other. They are likely struggling with their own difficult matters.
Like implementing any other habit, when you’re consistent and determined to make a healthy change, rewiring your brain is possible.
Limit Distractions
If you’d seriously like to gain some positive momentum in your life, then take a hard look at what might be holding you back. Do you procrastinate important goals and give up before you give yourself a chance to succeed? Do you waste your time surfing social media platforms instead of tackling your to-do list? Do you get distracted texting your girlfriends during dinner instead of engaging with your kids? Are you surrounded by negative Nellies that feed your Eeyore mentality that life’s a struggle? (Misery loves company after all!)
In order to achieve a more optimistic outlook, decide what distractions are holding you back and actively work to get rid of them. I had to learn this the hard way during the difficult time period when three of my children were diagnosed with significant speech delays. Devastated that we were possibly facing autism, I was encouraged to join forces with other parents who were experiencing similar delays with their children so we could support and learn from one another. Group therapy was totally out of my comfort zone, but if I could learn helpful strategies to help my kids overcome these setbacks, I would do it. After two sessions I realized this support system was not for me. The group of parents I joined did nothing but complain, feel sorry for themselves, and filled my head with all the awful things that lay ahead for our family. The whole focus of the group was the idea that we shouln’t set our expectations too high because the children with speech delays would only frustrate and disappoint us.
I knew my kids didn’t have a chance of overcoming their challenges if I was going to wallow in a pity party—which basically meant I was focusing on my needs, not theirs. I left the group and instead armed myself with a team of therapists who focused on what my kids could do and how they could succeed.
Get Healthy
When you feel healthy it’s much easier to have an optimistic outlook on life. Getting enough sleep, proper exercise, and eating a nutritious diet should be no-brainers, but as busy parents it’s easy to put our health on the back burner in order to juggle home, kids, and work.
When you put yourself last, you’re not doing yourself or your family any favors. My oldest daughter recently became a mother, and the one piece of advice I encouraged her to take (other than letting me spoil my sweet grandson) was to always make time to care for herself.
Grab a few minutes for a powerwalk in your neighborhood, make time for your favorite hobby during the week, get to the salon for a haircut, head to the library and read quietly for a half hour, don’t isolate yourself from your best friends, and stay connected to your career while your kids are young. Basically, don’t lose sight of yourself. When you make time to fuel your own passions, you have a far better chance of staying positive and empowered.
See also: 5 Easy Ways to Take Care of Yourself as a New Mom
Practice Gratitude
I recently read that gratitude changes the lens through which you view your world, and I couldn’t agree more.
An article in Harvard Health Publishing entitled “Giving Thanks Can Make You Happier” states “Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”
There are several ways you can practice gratitude in your daily life:
Be mindful of the blessings in your life—a beautiful sunset, running water, the neighbor who gets your child off the bus when you’re running late. Stop and appreciate these little joys on a regular basis.
Keep a gratitude journal—write down 5-10 things you are grateful for upon waking or going to bed each night.
Send handwritten notes of appreciation—We are surrounded by people who make a difference in our lives but rarely do we stop and let them know it. Make a list of a dozen people or businesses who add something positive to you or your family’s life and each week send one of them a note of genuine thanks.
Pay it forward—Practicing random acts of kindness, such as paying for the coffee of the person in line behind you, putting someone’s carriage away in the parking lot of the grocery store, smiling and giving a stranger a genuine compliment, these small unexpected gestures are a great way to feel gratitude for the wonderful things you have in your own life.
Visualize Positive Outcomes
One of my favorite coping mechanisms when I’m going through a tough time is to visualize myself in my “happy place”—sitting on a sun-soaked beach with soft, pink sand beneath my feet. The water laps gently at the shore as I enjoy a chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc and escape to the pages of one of my favorite books. Ah, pure heaven!
It turns out that one way to increase optimism is to visualize a positive outcome. In “Look on the Bright Side: The Science of Optimism” researchers recommend practicing a writing activity called Best Possible Self (BPS). Here’s how: “Think about your life in the future. Imagine that everything has gone as well as it possibly could. You have worked hard and succeeded at accomplishing all of your life goals. Think of this as the realization of all of your life dreams. Now, write about what you imagined.” Research has found that this writing activity is able to increase the writer’s optimism level.
One of my sons is a senior in college and is starting to freak out about his senior reflection paper because he’s afraid he won’t be able to pull the project together before graduation. Ironically, it’s a psychology thesis so I suggested he give this BPS exercise a try. At first, he scoffed at the idea but after he took the time to flesh it all out, he said he actually felt better about it. Go figure!
Try this for yourself. What is your Best Possible Self? How can you get there?
Do you view life with optimism and if so, how do you keep a positive mindset on those tough parenting days? Please share your thoughts in the comments section at quickanddirtytips.com/mighty-mommy, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.comcreate new email. Visit my family-friendly boards at Pinterest.com/MightyMommyQDT.
Are you listening to the Mighty Mommy podcast? Let me know what you’re loving or what you want me to cover. Leave me a voicemail at 401-284-7575. Your message could be featured in a future podcast!
Optimism image courtesy of Shutterstock.
About the Author
Cheryl L. Butler was the host of the Mighty Mommy podcast for nine years from 2012 to 2021. She is the mother of eight children. Her experiences with infertility, adoption, seven pregnancies, and raising children with developmental delays have helped her become a resource on the joys and challenges of parenting. You can reach her by email.