6 Ways to Save a Bad Parenting Day
Mighty Mommy shares six strategies to help you rally when your household is in a funk.
For most of my life—from childhood through to college and on to new careers—I was not what you would call a morning person. In fact I was the exact opposite. If I could choose to lollygag well into the morning hours without it having a negative effect on my day I would without hesitation. Besides, I made up for it at the end of the day when I’d be extra productive. The term “night owl” definitely captures me perfectly because not only do I function at full throttle when darkness fills the air, my creativity seems to soar freely and any tension I build up throughout the day slips away as I enjoy the peaceful hours that take me into the wee parts of the morning.
That all changed, however, when I became the mother to our small army of eight. Long gone are the days of puttering the morning away. I now have no choice but to rise and shine with the roosters to survive in order to have the best possible chance at crafting a successful day for my family.
I’ve learned a lot over the past twenty years as a parent (including stuff I never knew would be so pivotal, such as how to detangle long locks of a young daughter’s hair, or how to effectively remove dog poop from the bottom of a kid’s shoes ten-minutes before the school bus comes), but the lesson that has made the biggest impact and truly served me well is this: being prepared and organized at the beginning of your family’s day is key to how the entire day will play out.
As organized as I’d like to think I was when my kids were in their toddler and grade-school days, there were still plenty of times when our household would be in a complete funk. It only takes one kid out of the bunch to stir the pot for the rest of us. When this happens you don’t have to fall victim to allowing the rest of your day to be ruined. Instead, here are Mighty Mommy’s 6 tips for salvaging a bad parenting day.
- Don’t Worry, Be Happy
- Breathe
- Course Correct Quickly
- Choose Positive Background Noise
- Offer to Help
- Don’t Be a Repeat Offender
Here’s a closer look at each of these tips.
1. Don’t Worry, Be Happy
In 1988, singer Bobby McFerrin released a catchy little tune, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” Ok, so some people were not as infatuated with this song as I was, but regardless of whether you liked the snazzy melody, the message was terrific. You may recall the opening of the song,
“Here’s a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don’t worry, be happy
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don’t worry, be happy
Don’t worry, be happy now”
When you see that your morning isn’t going as planned—in fact, it’s just plain awful—keep in mind that worrying and fretting about it is not going to help. Our kids take their emotional cues from us, so if your day is unraveling at warp speed and you spiral downward with it, you’re only adding fuel to the fire which in turn sends the message to your kids that having a bad day invites permission to behave badly. Turn bad energy around by spreading sunshine rather than doom and gloom.
2. Breathe
One of the first things I do to rally the troops in our home when things are chaotic and frenzied is to remind everyone to stop and breathe. I used to downplay the effects that a change of breath could have on a person until I delivered my babies. When I focused on my breathing, it certainly didn’t take the pain away, but it absolutely centered me and helped me to remain calm. The American Institute of Stress (AIS) also touts taking deep breaths as a way to relax and relieve stress. Dr. Herbert Benson, AIS founding trustee, believes that breathing is a “super stress buster” and a technique that is useful for both adults and kids.
Regardless of whether you all got up on the wrong side of the bed or are feeling harried right before dinner, get into the habit of taking a few slow, deep breaths and then continue on with the task at hand.
3. Course Correct Quickly
The moment you realize your well-planned day is reeling out of control, you have two choices—you can cave and throw in the towel or you can do something to turn it around. Because I had eight young kids for most of my parenting years, throwing in the towel was never an option—too many little darlings were depending on me, no matter what kind of mood I was in.
When they were much younger I had a game I played with them when we were at wits end with a disaster of a day: I took the TV remote control and pointed it at all of us and said we were going to change the channel and start over. This usually got them laughing (except for one or two grumps in the bunch), and it also helped me get refocused. By making a simple course correction such as redirecting the negative energy, we could at least regroup and move forward with something positive rather than dwelling on how bad things were.
4. Choose Positive Background Noise
Did you ever stop and listen to the noise in your life? We’re often so busy running from one activity to another that not only do we not stop and smell the roses, we also don’t realize how much racket is taking place in the background. Between the television, cell phones buzzing, streaming on our laptops, dogs barking, microwaves heating, dishwashers running, and traffic passing by in our neighborhoods, very rarely do we have any peace. While it’s not easy to unplug everything that brings sound into your home, if you notice tensions are high, try to deflect with some positive noise instead. Fun, inspiring music such as jazz or upbeat dance party tunes might just do the trick.
5. Offer to Help
As simple as this suggestion may sound, you’d be surprised at how effective your offer to help the family member in need can be. When a household is topsy-turvy with chaos, or filled with people who are extremely upset, often we overlook helping the situation because we get caught up in the fray ourselves. Reach out to your teenage son who has misplaced his biology book and ask if you can help him look for it, rather than screaming at him that he should be more careful with his school stuff and then offer to drive him to school seeing as how now he’s already late and will probably miss the bus.
Many times our kids and spouse need a friendly shoulder to lean on so they can regroup and carry on. If we choose to lash out at someone who is having a tough go of it, we just exacerbate the situation and set the example that it’s ok to behave poorly despite the conditions.
6. Don’t Be a Repeat Offender
Prevention is often the best cure when it comes to our health, in addition to creating a serene, organized home environment. Having a bad day here and there happens to all of us, but if you notice your family seems to have more than their fair share of them, take some time to evaluate what the culprit might be. Are your kids searching for sneakers and backpacks under piles of clean laundry that hasn’t been put away? No time for breakfast before catching the bus? Finding a clean outfit that actually matches is nearly impossible?
If you feel like your days get out of control before they even begin, you might want to implement my favorite parenting tool—routines. In my episodes on ingredients for a successful morning routine and how routines will simplify your life, there are lots of easy tips that can help you streamline your days. Something as simple as making school lunches the night before as well as getting your kids to fill their backpacks right after dinner for the following day can cut your stress levels in half every day.
How do you rally when you’re family is having a bad day? Share your thoughts in the comments section at quickanddirtytips mighty mommy, post your ideas on the Mighty Mommy Facebook page. or email me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.comcreate new email. Visit my family-friendly boards at Pinterest MightyMommyQDT
Image of mom having a bad parenting day © Shutterstock
About the Author
Cheryl L. Butler was the host of the Mighty Mommy podcast for nine years from 2012 to 2021. She is the mother of eight children. Her experiences with infertility, adoption, seven pregnancies, and raising children with developmental delays have helped her become a resource on the joys and challenges of parenting. You can reach her by email.
