8 Best Kept Motherhood Secrets
Sure motherhood is dreamy and wonderful, but it’s also challenging and exhausting. Mighty Mommy has 8 motherhood secrets that your friends and family may have forgotten to warn you about.
Because it took me 6 years to finally accomplish my dream of motherhood, I had plenty of time to imagine the magical fairy tale that my life would become once I held a newborn in my arms. I even jumped ahead to my child’s grade school years and saw myself wearing a blue gingham checkered apron, serving fresh, homemade cookies the moment he stepped off the bus.
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During those long years of daydreaming about creating a beautiful family, not once did I stop to wonder what the challenges might be. I was so focused on getting a baby that it never occurred to me that I would have moments, even days, when parenting just made no sense at all—and worse, when it would make me cranky and miserable.
Now that my first child has left for college and my youngest entered first grade, I’ve realized how quickly childhood goes by. Although I’m an optimist by nature, I also believe that it’s important to be realistic and I will admit that parenting is darn hard work most of the time. The great news, however, is that it really is the most amazing job you’ll ever have. So today I’m going to share 8 of the best kept secrets of motherhood I’ve learned along the way with my 8 children:
Secret #1: It May Not Be Love at First Sight
We adopted our first baby. She was 8 hours old when we saw her for the first time, all pink and snuggly, the most beautiful human being I had ever laid eyes on. One year later, I gave birth to our first son. After 28 hours of labor, I finally got to hold him. But when I looked at his wrinkled face, pointed head, and chicken lips, I thought for sure there had been a mistake. No way could this be my baby.
It’s OK to admit that your baby isn’t the beauty you thought he would be right away. This doesn’t mean you won’t love him, but it can take a little while for new babies to look attractive. If you aren’t blown away immediately, don’t worry, you’re not a bad parent.
Secret #2: Breastfeeding Is Not as Easy as it Looks
I couldn’t breastfeed our adopted baby, so I was very excited to have that quintessential bonding moment with my son. How hard could it be, right? Turns out, very. It was not only painful, but also awkward and draining. I soon gave up and bottle fed him. No matter what you choose to do, don’t get down on yourself. To breastfeed or not is a personal choice and you shouldn’t let anyone else influence you.
Secret #3: Your Friendships May Take a Back Seat
Those carefree days of simply grabbing your bag and heading out the door to go shopping with your friends will be long gone once your baby arrives. I’m a very social person, so being homebound for most of the time was a major adjustment. Newborns, toddlers, and all children in general give new meaning to the word tired. That’s why it’s tempting to just become a hermit and let your friendships fall by the wayside. But one of the best remedies for getting reenergized and feeling more like yourself is staying connected with other adults. Even if it’s only a phone call or a 30-minute visit—it can do you a world of good.
Secret #4: You Will be Judged
It’s human nature for others to form opinions about how you are doing as a parent—and in many cases this judgment can come from your own family. You can’t change what other people say, do, or think, but you can control how you respond to them. If you have an overzealous friend or family member who likes to give advice, pick and choose what works for you and your family and disregard the rest.
And most importantly: Don’t get into the habit of comparing yourself to other parents or your child to other children. You’ll wind up judging yourself!
Secret #5: Small Baby = Big Mess
Babies may be small but they come with a lot of stuff. Between all the diapers, bottles, onesies, blankets, night gowns, cradles, play pens, bouncy chairs, portable bath tubs (just to name a few), your once organized household will temporarily (or perhaps permanently) become a chaotic mess. If you simply cannot function without things being neat and orderly, then use your energy wisely to keep up with maintaining your house until you get into a better routine. But if you can let go of the idea that your home must be company-ready at all times, you will be a much happier parent.
See also: How Routines Will Simplify Your Life
Secret #6: Your Sex Life Will Be on Hold
I still remember going to my OB for my 6-week postpartum checkup and getting the green light to have sex again. Needless to say, sex was the last thing I wanted at that time. Obviously, I got over it rather quickly because our first four kids are 12 months apart. But honestly, it took effort to get back in the mood and in the first few years after having kids, our sex life was quite sporadic. Believe it or not, we actually scheduled dates just to keep connected. So don’t be afraid to do what it takes to keep that part of your relationship alive!
See also: How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex
Secret #7: Healthy Babies Can Develop Special Needs
When you deliver a baby with 10 fingers and toes and your pediatrician pronounces it healthy, you breathe a sigh of relief and count your blessings. As your baby begins to grow, she will be measured against others in her age group with what is known as developmental milestones—such as rolling over, sitting up alone, walking, and then what you’ve excitedly waited for—to hear the words “mama” or “dada.”
Every child develops at his own pace, so don’t be surprised if your child is behind at any given time in reaching a particular marker. Sure, sometimes this is due to a developmental delay. But some children simply walk, talk, and toilet train later than others. Try not to panic until you know exactly what you are dealing with. If there is a medical or developmental challenge diagnosed, remember that you are your child’s biggest advocate, so get all the facts and surround yourself with positive influences. Having a secure, loving environment will help any delayed child go further than living amongst negative, depressed energy.
Secret #8: Motherhood Is a Privilege
Perhaps it’s because I struggled for over 6 years to become a mom, but the biggest secret of motherhood that this Mighty Mommy has found is to never take your children for granted. It’s our job as parents to raise them with whatever values reflect our family so they can become loving, responsible, productive adults in society. Motherhood is a gift but also a privilege—so no matter how tired, frustrated, or overwhelmed you may feel at times, focus on appreciating your child for the individual that he is, not who he isn’t, and you will be filled with more unconditional love than you know what to do with!
Check back next week for more Mighty Mommy tips. If you have a question or a suggestion for a future Mighty Mommy episode, please e-mail me at mommy@quickanddirtytips.com.
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Until next time—Happy Parenting!
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