Book Club Etiquette
Book clubs are usually made up of like-minded people who love reading and talking about books. So why is it that they’re also petri dishes for bad behavior? Modern Manners Guy describes the worst book club etiquette offenders.
Richie Frieman
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Book Club Etiquette
A while back, I wrote an article called What Is Proper Book Borrowing Etiquette? that dealt with terrible people who treat borrowed books like plates, doorstops, or worse, lose them altogether.
As an author and book lover, I was appalled to hear the many stories of unmannerly book treatment that Modern Manners Guy readers have sent in response to that episode. Many also talked about rude manners not just in book borrowing, but also at book clubs, which led me to this week’s topic: book club etiquette. .
Book clubs are a great way to bond with friends over a good book, and usually good food and drinks too. Unfortunately, sometimes book clubs turn into breeding grounds for unmannerly behavior. So before you settle into your chairs for a fruitful dialogue about the casting of Christian Grey in the movie version, check out my top 3 quick and dirty tips for proper book club etiquette:
Tip #1: Take Turns Hosting
Some people love to play host, while others only pretend to enjoy it. One reader emailed me that in her book club “Mary” (not her real name) insisted that she would host club meetings every week. At first the other members thought she was just being generous and embracing her inner Martha Stewart, but it turns out that Mary just liked the added attention that came with being the hostess with the mostest. She took care of the menu, drinks, and wouldn’t let anyone even bring an appetizer to the club meetings. And as much as the other book club members enjoyed her hospitality, they too wanted a chance to contribute their personalities to the table. Resentment brewed.
Ladies, I’m with you. Not giving others a chance to host the book club meeting is kind of like being a bully. If Martha Stewart is in your book club, well, that’s one thing. I mean, you can’t beat that, and heck, why would you even want to? But in reality most of us will never we be in a book club with Ms. Stewart (but if any of you are, might I suggest a great new book called REPLY ALL…And Other Ways to Tank Your Career?).
If you’re a part of a book club which meets on a regular basis, it’s only proper to pass the hosting responsibilities around the group. For starters, even if someone says they like hosting, everyone needs a break. Between the planning, the cooking, and the cleaning, after a while it gets old.
As friends – and fellow book club members – make a deal from the start that you rotate locations for every meeting. Also, delegate the roles of who brings what in advance. Mix it up and keep it fresh. As well, if one person doesn’t have a house that can comfortably accomodate the entire group, they can be exempt from hosting duties. But for those who do have the space, make it fun and easy on everyone so you can focus more on the book than the menu.
Tip #2: Get on the Same Page
Here’s something I thought would be pretty easy to do amongst book club members: choosing a book that everyone enjoys. Not necessarily knows of, but at least potentially enjoys. I thought this was a no brainer. I mean, it’s not like you would start a book club with people who don’t get along anyway, right? So why should there ever be an issue about picking a book with good friends? Apparently this is a problem for some book clubs. One Modern Manners Guy Facebook reader told me that one of her fellow book club members, Beth (not her real name), repeatedly argued against any book suggested by other members. It was a romance-themed club, but she continually insisted on choosing books that were more, ahem, erotica than romance.
I’m a firm believer in the unanimous decision rule when it comes to picking a book for the club to read. Everyone should want to read the book the group picks. So, if it’s your turn and you suggest a book that people may not be into, take a stab at convincing them. Explain why you selected a particular book and why you think they may like it. Bring supporting materials even, like reviews or an explanation of how it compares to another book the group liked prior.
However, when you make an argument for a book, don’t make it an argument. If your reasons still don’t go over, let it go. The world will still go on turning if this particular book is not selected. Don’t get mad and lose your temper. Doing so is improper and just immature. If you start a fight over a book, no one will want to be in the club with you.
Tip #3: Make it Social
Not giving others a chance to host the book club meeting is kind of like being a bully.
Here’s a thought…book clubs should be fun! What, too easy? Then why is fun not always the first thing on everyone’s mind when they join a book club? It should be. You join clubs to be social – remember this point when you are involved in a book club. Book clubs should be a chance to learn, socialize, and relax with like-minded friends. There. That’s it. This is not a challenge, not a debate, and certainly not something meant to bore people. If you find yourself bored, than this is the wrong club for you.
When you start or join a book club, you should only bring people into it who are there to enjoy the experience. And when I say “experience,” I mean the entire thing: the people, the ambiance, the type of discussion you have, and of course, the types of books that you will be reading. Yes, it’s always great to challenge yourself but if you are not there to be social and have a good time, you’re never going to get the full pleasurable experience out of a book club.
Do you have a great story about a book club that went wrong? Post all the details in the comment section below. As always, if you have another manners question, I look forward to hearing from you at manners@quickanddirtytips.com. Follow me on Twitter @MannersQDT, and of course, check back next week for more Modern Manners Guy tips for a more polite life.
And if you’re looking for a great read for your next book club meeting, check out Reply All…And Other Ways to Tank Your Career. It’s my guide for navigating and succeeding in any workplace. It’s available in paperback, ebook, and even audiobook format (read by me)! It’s fun, funny, and has tons of useful advice to make the most out of your career.