Breastfeeding Manners
Advice for mothers and others.
Trent Armstrong
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Breastfeeding Manners
In this article I’m going to discuss the manners of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is as old as time. It’s something that happens every day in every country around the world. Yet it is one of the most polarizing activities– at least in North America. I would like to take the next few minutes to look at all sides of the manners associated with breastfeeding in public.
Breastfeeding Etiquette
Manners are important– but manners aren’t how others treat you– they are how you treat others. And there are many people who think that manners are wonderful until it comes time to nurse their baby. Now this might be controversial but Modern Manners Guy thinks that exposing yourself in front of others is not appropriate. That should not happen. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t breastfeed in public, but there are ways to do that without exposing yourself for all to see. . Also, picking the most crowded spot in 5 miles to nurse your child is just selfish.
But let me go ahead and say that you should always put your baby’s health and welfare ahead of someone else’s concern for manners. If you know your baby is really hungry and needs to eat; yes, be discreet but your baby comes first. That said, it’s not always an emergency. The fact that you might lose your place in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles is not everyone else’s problem. It might just be poor planning on your part.
Okay. With that out of the way, let’s say you want to be mannerly about when and where to nurse your child. What does that mean? First of all, it means that you are contributing the smooth operation of our society. Thank you.
Where Should You Breastfeed?
It does not mean that you should have to head out back behind the dumpster or relegate yourself to the restroom. The argument for not nursing a baby in the restroom is usually, “You don’t eat in there, and your little one shouldn’t have to either.” But be sure to take it all the way to heart. You don’t eat your meals in the elevator or in the middle of a crowded theater either. There are usually places not too far from the hustle and bustle that can be better choices than smack in the middle of a crowded room.
Be Discreet When Breastfeeding
I mentioned being discreet earlier. There are lots of other things we do in life that are best when we use discretion, but it’s not always easy to do something so personal in a discreet way. So practice discreet nursing at home in front of your partner or a mirror. Your partner will usually be made uncomfortable by any part of you being seen by someone else so they can be a good barometer of your success at being discreet. Plus, when in public this will help you have confidence that you are not causing anyone any discomfort. For great tips on how to discreetly breastfeed in public, check out The Mighty Mommy’s breastfeeding episode.
The Right to Breast Feed
Those who are made uncomfortable by women nursing their children in public seem to be certain that it is a violation of some law. Legal Lad reports in his podcast on this topic that most states guarantee a mother’s right to breastfeed in any place where the mother is authorized to be. There. Question answered. Nursing mothers should feel a little vindicated now.
However, that is not a license to just disregard others when the time comes to feed your baby. You, the mother, should always remember the word public usually means that others will be around. If you are concerned about mannerly behavior for other things in life, it would be silly to disregard manners in this situation as well.
I have the right to remove my shoes in most places, but it doesn’t mean that I should do so any time my feet get warm.
What If Someone Confronts You for Breastfeeding in Public?
However, should you  someone approach you and chastise you and what you are doing, keep your cool. I’m not trying to raise feathers here, but many women feel that they should be able to nurse wherever and whenever they want. That will set you up for someone to make a comment.  If you are fishing for that confrontation, shame on you. If you are trying to be discreet but are still chastised, do not retort. The person who makes that kind of comment is either looking for a tussle or just doesn’t have any mental filters. The first thing that will escalate the situation into a full blown battle is for you to make a snippy comment.
Be polite. If you have made a concerted effort to be discreet, you might say something like, “I’ve chosen an appropriate place for this. If you don’t care for it, you may go somewhere else.” You do not want to begin an argument that will cause you or your little one to become stressed or potentially result in physical harm to either of you. Your right to nurse in public is not worth being accosted.
Manners for The Rest Us
As for the rest of us, chances are that at least one of us will encounter a nursing mother at some point. You should understand that you are probably the only person in the situation who is uncomfortable. Once a mom decides to nurse her baby in public, all bets are off. Hopefully, she has listened to this podcast and understands that you might be uncomfortable, but after she has taken her own precautions it is time for you to take your own precautions.
When you encounter someone nursing their child, do not stare. The mysteries of life may fascinate you and that mom may not care one bit, but it’s still not good manners.
Don’t call attention to the situation. If you don’t agree with someone breastfeeding in public, it’s not your job to make a big deal about it. Carry on with your own business and leave the mom alone. And unless this person is an extra close personal friend or family member, do not try to conform their behavior to your own ideas. It is not really any of your business. Again, if you don’t like it, move away until the transaction has been completed.
Don’t Make Other Mothers Feel Guilty
Finally, one last point about breastfeeding. Manners are about you helping others not you demanding that others deal with your behavior. That includes you trying to force your behavior on other mothers. Some people choose not to nurse their babies. Some women just have too much difficulty and decide that using a bottle would be best for both parties. Do not try to convince these women that they are being mean to their babies or that they are missing out on something amazing. When that mother is around you, she has probably already made her decision and doesn’t need anyone to cause her to second guess herself.
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