Bro Code Etiquette
Boys will be boys, but there is a solid foundation to the Bro Code that every man must adhere to in order to be a proper friend for life. So if you’ve ever wondered why some guys keep that one goofy friend around forever, check out Modern Manners Guy’s 3 tips for proper Bro Code etiquette.
Richie Frieman
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Bro Code Etiquette
In the episode, How to Deal with a Groomonster? I brought up the concept of the Bro Code. As I wrote that episode, it made me think of the rules pertaining to the Bro Code and how some men value it, while others take advantage of the age-old bond.
But ladies, don’t think I’m leaving you out. The Bro Code is very similar to how females keep true to one another as well…our ways are just a bit funkier. As well, the Bro Code is a good lesson and insight into the male mind. For example, why do we still have that one friend who is a complete nut, yet we can’t let him go? Just bear with me.
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I’m not sure about the origin of the Bro Code, or who even coined the phrase, but thanks to movies like Superbad and The Hangover, as well as the now epic character of Barney Stinson from the TV show, “How I Met Your Mother,” the Bro Code has taken center stage. However, I feel it needs to be further examined to outline the etiquette of the Bro Code and ensure that all bros out there understand what it means to be a friend. In short, trust in the code!
So before you chest bump, high five, throw some beers back, or partake in any other male stereotype, check out my top 3 Quick and Dirty Tips for proper Bro Code etiquette.
Tip #1: Honor the Code
As I said in my episode on How to Deal with a Groomonster? the Bro Code is a bond between guys that can be summed up as, “Don’t disrespect your fellow man in any way and always be there for them when they need you.” The code is like a tree consisting of long branches covering an array of life topics such as relationships, friendships, money, and others. You don’t have to verbally accept the code to embrace it, either. It isn’t recited aloud by teenage boys in some secret locker-room in gym class or anything. It’s just understood. Whether you’re 15 or 85, the Bro Code (aka, “Honor thy bro”) is something that all mannerly men abide by.
Unfortunately, some guys take advantage of the Bro Code and use it for selfish reasons. Some bros even forget the core values of friendship when a possible mate comes into play.
Rule #1 in the Bro Code is never let a love interest affect your friendship. This should also be the core value of any friendship for men and women. I understand that it’s possible for two friends to have feelings for the same person, but it’s highly unmannerly to put some random person you meet in a bar or at a party above the bond between two friends. What that says is, “We’re friends… but so-and-so is super hot, so…” After that “So” could be any number of improper statements like, “So-and-so is mine, back off…” or “Look, so-and-so clearly likes me better!” or “Maybe we aren’t friends if you steal so-and-so from me.”
In all situations, when two friends let a love interest (or tonight’s love interest) get in the way of friendship, that is an ultimate violation of the Bro Code. If two bros truly have feelings for the same person, or if one wants to date someone who the other has been with before, then the two of them need to sit down and have a heart to heart. And yes, men can have heart to hearts. They may not use the word “heart” but they do have one. In the end, you have to be open and honest with how intense your feelings are and then decide who can/should pursue the bar hottie. Once that’s established, the other bro must step aside. No hard feelings.
Tip #2: You’ve Got a Friend
The great American poet and songwriter, James Taylor, sang, “You just call out my name, and you know wherever I am I’ll come running to see you again.” Although James Taylor may not be the first name that comes to mind when you think of a “bro,” his words are the backbone of the Bro Code. If I need you, you should come help me out. No excuses.
However, sometimes it can’t always be taken so literally, since as much as we all want to drop everything at that moment and help out a bro, we can’t. For one, we all have our own lives and just can’t leave work, or family, to rush right over. We may want to, but most of us don’t have the luxury of total freedom and flexibility with our time. Say a fellow bro’s car breaks down, and he calls you from the side of the road asking for help. You wish you could come get them, but maybe you’re home sick with the flu, or you’re babysitting the kids, or whatever. However, if you’re sitting on the couch watching the game and simply don’t want to go and pick up your friend from some rest stop in the middle of nowhere, well that’s a different story.
This reminds me of a Seinfeld episode in which Elaine wanted to call someone to express her condolences about a loss in their family, but never found the time. Then when she finally called on her cellphone while walking to a meeting. Jerry teased her that it seemed as if she didn’t care to take the time to call. The Bro Code does not work like this. Bros don’t care when you call, just that you do. If you leave a message, that’s fine – you called to show support and that’s what real friends/bros do. Similar to the car example, even if I couldn’t have picked up my fellow bro on the side of the road, I could have helped call a tow truck, helped by calling another bro, or even offered to give them a ride somewhere if they needed it later on. Maybe they need a ride to the garage – I’m there. Maybe they needed to be picked up from work – you got it. This shows support, that they have a friend, that no matter what – even if I can’t help out right away – I will find a way to help out.
Tip #3: Strength in Numbers
With the exception of when it comes to paying for your child’s birthday party, there is no such thing as having too many friends. As I said before, bros run in packs, often consisting of lifelong friends. That’s the beauty of the Bro Code – there is no limit to how many people can join your club (or is it wolf pack?). If you are loyal, kind, respectful, and are willing to embarrass yourself for a cheap laugh, you’re in, plain and simple. When you have a large number of bros, you are never alone. That’s why I’m always shocked when some guys shut others out or don’t let new bros in, simply because they’re unfamiliar or don’t fit the mold. Why would anyone limit the number of friends they can have in their inner circle? This is so odd and extremely unmannerly.
See also: How to Handle Unwanted Attention
You’ll see this behavior often in a work setting. You go to lunch with the same people, you have coffee or smoke breaks with the same people, etc. So when a new person comes into play, some of us put up a velvet rope, blocking the entrance into “Club Bro.” This is childish and uncool. Proper Bro Code etiquette dictates that you allow other bros (who also respect the code) to enter the pack. There is nothing wrong with adding another person to your club and by thinking automatically that someone is not good enough shows that you are not a very good person in general. Friends help us get through the hardest times in life and also make the best parts even better. So follow the Bro Code and if you meet someone new, give them a chance. Who knows, they may be a killer wingman!
Do you have a great story about Bro Code etiquette? Post all the details in the comment section of the Modern Manners Guy web site or on the Modern Manners Guy Facebook page.
As always, if you have another manners question, I look forward to hearing from you at manners@quickanddirtytips.comcreate new email. Follow me on Twitter @MannersQDT, and of course, check back next week for more Modern Manners Guy tips for a more polite life.
Love Interest and Two Guys images courtesy of Shutterstock