Don’t Be a Holiday Party Pooper
Holiday party poopers should leave their baggage at their door.
Dear Holiday Party Poopers,
We all know the saying, “Every party has a pooper.” But when it comes to the holiday season, it seems that card-carrying Party Poopers turn it up a notch. From sulking around about failed relationships at dinner parties, moping about during a family get together, or drowning their sorrows in several rounds of Mind Erasers during the office holiday party, Party Poopers flat out stink (no pun intended!). But have no fear, we can all tolerate their arrogance and negativity tactfully and respectful by following my top three quick and dirty tips for Holiday Party Poopers.
Tip #1: The Relationship Party Poopers
lf you’re new to the show, welcome, but for those already members of Mannerly Nation, you know that I love talking about relationships on the show. Well I should say, you love talking about relationships, since my inbox is inundated with emails regarding improper dating. However, when it comes to the holidays, the effects of failed romances and/or lack there of are amplified to new levels. Now, let me just say, I’m not being insensitive to single people during the holidays or any other time of the year for that matter. What I’m saying is that if you decide to ruin an entire night or event by making said night or event solely about YOU and YOUR dating life, well, my unmannerly friend, that not only makes you a Grade A Party Pooper, it also makes you an arrogant shmuck (as my Grandma Naomi says). So, if you do plan to “number two” all over your friend’s well planned holiday party, take a step back, and dial down the crazy … for just a couple of hours. That’s it—just a couple of hours.
Again, I’m not being cruel to all the lonely hearts out there, I’m just speaking for the other 99% of the room who loves you for who you are, with or without a romantic partner. Despite what you think, the holidays are not about kissing under the mistletoe or during the ball drop on New Years. I know that every commercial and movie this time of year seems like you’re surely missing out on life if a romantic partner isn’t there to exchange gifts with you. But don’t fall victim to crappy advertising. Instead, stick to the basics of “holiday spirit” which are—and always will be—about being around those that care the most about you. So if someone doesn’t want to be with you this time of year, thank them for one less present you have to buy and for this night. It’s only proper to leave the baggage at your door before you go to a party. Yes, proper friends will support you in down times, however, at a party you can’t take the group’s attention off the event and onto you. Now, knowing that your friends may ask, “Where’s so-and so?” simply wave it off, add a quick laugh, and try to bring back the conversation to a more cheery topic. Try something like, “Eh, it didn’t work out… Yeah I know… I’ll fill you in later though. It’s not worth getting into here.” With that, do follow up with an email like, “Sorry about the other night, but I didn’t feel it was proper to talk about it there. Let’s meet up for coffee. I’ll fill you in.” Real friends will understand and respect you for not bringing down the vibe of the house by being a Party Pooper.
Tip #2: The Office Holiday Party Poopers
I have to admit, I have a sick soft spot for improper office party stories. In fact, I even wrote an article called Conquer the Office Holiday Party to help struggling employees master the room like a champ. However, apparently despite my loyal following, that episode wasn’t read by every single person on the planet. I know, impossible, right? Ugh! Some people. Because trust me, I wish the image of Tom Hanks wearing a magical white tuxedo and nearly puking after eating caviar was the worst thing I ever saw or heard about. Sadly—or fortunately for comical reasons only—office holiday parties tend to bring out the inner-party animal in the wildest of coworkers and the Office Party Poopers who feel they’re too good for school.
For the life of me, I’ll never understand how people don’t look at office parties as serious business. Apparently some employees didn’t get the memo that an office holiday party is a must-attend and must-enjoy event. Please make sure you read this carefully: being a Party Pooper at an office holiday party is one of the single most disrespectful things you can do to coworkers and your boss. When you rudely mope around telling other coworkers how boring the party is, or how much you can’t wait to leave, you are basically telling your boss and teammates that you’re above them. Be it a small pizza get together or a lavish gala, there was time, money, and effort put into the holiday party, so your pooping all over it with your stinky attitude shows an utter lack of respect for everyone and everything that went into the night. If you don’t want to be super social, that’s fine. Stick to your “inner circle” and chat the night away but don’t complain. You don’t have to party until dawn to get proper credit. Just do your time and make that smile shine.
Stick to your “inner circle” and chat the night away but don’t complain.
Tip #3: The Family Party Party Poopers
Of all times to be a party pooper during the holidays, Family Party Poopers don’t hide their feelings as easy as they would at other events. Why? With family, our guards are lowered; we feel more open to “express ourselves” (i.e., with frustration and angst) and we also get a free pass to sit quietly on the couch watching TV or phone surfing. All of these situations are prime examples of being a Party Pooper. However, even though I mentioned that being around family during the holidays allows for “easier outs” in participating in holiday activities, just be prepared for a boat load of unwanted questions about why it is you’re rudely distancing yourself. Now I understand that the holidays are stressful and when you’re not feeling so merry and bright, that adding on family issues don’t make it any easier, yet being a Party Pooper at family holiday events will only increase any microcosm of frustration in your life.
In Family Coming Into Town? Don’t Stress Out!, I mentioned how you shouldn’t worry that every aspect of your home is being judged (even if it is) or that a holiday dinner is another episode of everyone’s favorite game, “What’s New In Your Life?” When it comes to being a party pooper with family, you have to take a similar approach as I mentioned in Tip #1; don’t make it about you, and don’t distract from the event at hand. It’s improper to bogart a holiday meal because your job isn’t going so well or a relationship isn’t working out and it’s caused you to ruin the party with your attitude. Instead, if they ask, be honest—like Dana who had to face a family filled house for Christmas dinner after being dumped by her boyfriend. Ironically, two years earlier. the same thing happened and she spent Christmas Eve curled up in a ball on the couch (tell-tale signs of a party pooper) watching the Hallmark Channel. So when she she had to attend an early Christmas dinner last week she decided that she would be honest about your relationship and talk it out. She got advice—some good, some not—and people ended up dropping the conversation themselves, rather than her trying to stop it. Here, just a little up-front honesty can go a long way, rather than keeping it all inside … and being a Party Pooper.
As always, if you have another manners question, I look forward to hearing from you at manners@quickanddirtytips.comcreate new email. Follow me on Twitter @MannersQDT, and of course, check back next week for more Modern Manners Guy tips for a more polite life.
Do you have any recent graduates in your circle, or perhaps someone who is looking to start a new career, check out my new book, Reply All…And Other Ways to Tank Your Career, for great tips and advice on job success. It’s available now!