How to Change a Habit Without Willpower
After a season of indulgence, we resolve to shape up, dry out, spend less, and generally improve ourselves. But too often we rely on brute force and moment-by-moment resistance. Savvy Psychologist Dr. Ellen Hendriksen offers 7 ways to move beyond willpower and increase your chances of success.
Ellen Hendriksen, PhD
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How to Change a Habit Without Willpower
Willpower goes by many aliases. In the technical language of psychological research, it’s called self-control, but your grandma probably just called it discipline. Regardless, it’s a trait that helps us resist temptation and distraction in the moment. It helps us get out of our cozy bed to go to the gym, resist buying those awesome shoes we want but don’t need, or turn down that Kahlua chocolate cheesecake. 
But many of us find ourselves helpless in the face of temptation. So many, in fact, that corporations and advertisers try to take advantage of us—why else are checkout stands lined with impulse purchases? Why do commercials urge us to go ahead, indulge—you deserve it? In fact, in a 2011 surveyopens PDF file from the American Psychological Association, 27% of Americans claimed their lack of willpower was the biggest barrier to healthier habit and lifestyle changes.
Now, while willpower can be strengthened, much like a muscle, an alternative is to circumvent it altogether, or at least to conserve it for when it’s most needed. So no matter the habit you’re trying to change, rather than saying no whenever the devil on your shoulder whispers temptations in your ear, here are 7 tips to keep him from perching there in the first place.
See also: 8 Tips to Improve Your Self Control
Tip #1: Choose your habit wisely. Tackle a habit that you genuinely want to change, not one you just think you “should.” In other words, pick a habit you’d change even if no one was watching and you’ll be more likely to succeed. For example, if you ask people how they finally quit smoking or kept off a substantial weight loss, they’ll often say “I had to.” You don’t often hear “Oh, I wanted a beach body,” or “I had nothing better to do.” With habit change that sticks, there isn’t a choice about it. Instead, there is urgency.
Tip #2: Use intrinsic motivation. Forcing yourself to do something inherently means you don’t want to do it. So instead, do something because you enjoy the activity itself. This tactic works best when you start a new habit for its own sake that also happens to be good for you. For example, join a kickball league because it’s fun but reap better fitness along the way. Learn Spanish because you enjoy the challenge but then put it on your resume. Learn to cook because it’s satisfying and end up losing weight since you’re skipping all that takeout.
Tip #3: Automate. Find every way possible to set it and forget it. For example, for saving money, direct deposit a portion of your paycheck into a retirement or other untouchable account. For exercising, build it into your schedule—make an appointment to do it, or better yet, make an appointment with a friend or trainer to keep you accountable. Set an alarm to signal bedtime to get more sleep. In a nutshell, invest the time to make things convenient, brainless, and easy, and you’ll be more likely to carry through.
Tip #4: Take the resistance out of it. This is another variation on the theme of automate—with automation, you do something without having to think about it. But also consider ways to keep yourself from doing something. After all, if it’s not an option, you don’t have to use willpower to resist. For example, to eat more healthily, the decision point should come way before you’re standing in front of the fridge at midnight with a raging sweet tooth. Instead, the decision point should be at the grocery store. If you’re trying to stop eating cookie dough ice cream at midnight, don’t put it in your cart. If you’re trying to stop getting distracted online, not that I know anything about that, use an app that keeps you from watching The Voice when you’re supposed to be working.
Tip #5: Get out of the all-or-nothing mindset. Any habit change is not going to go perfectly. So when you slip up (and you will), think shrug, not face palm. And then? Get right back on track. Many individuals expect a habit change to stick immediately and never waver. But in reality, habit change ebbs and flows, but as long as you’ve got more flow than ebb over time, you’ve got this.
Tip #6: Chip away. Change a tiny bit at a time. Here’s how to tell if you’ve bitten off a small enough task. Think about what you’re trying to accomplish: let’s pretend you’re trying to lose some weight. Close your eyes, sit still, and think about your goal. Then pay attention to your reaction. If you think “lose 25 pounds” and you feel a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, lower your goal. If you think “okay, lose 15 pounds” and you immediately want onion dip, lower your goal. If you think “lose 3 pounds” and your feel nothing—no resistance, no anticipatory deprivation, no sinking feeling of despair—you’ve found it. On your personal Richter scale, you want your changes barely to register. But don’t stop there … once you’ve achieved your tiny goal …
Tip #7: Set another tiny goal. And do it again. Think tortoise, not hare. Fulfilling lots of small goals gives you more opportunities to celebrate and feel accomplished—it’s good old-fashioned positive reinforcement. Reward yourself right after accomplishing your goal—a night out, a new sci-fi novel, or whatever tosses your salad.
This New Year’s, make your changes tiny, automatic, and necessary, and you can leave willpower behind. Far from having to white-knuckle it, you won’t even notice you’re making a change. Instead, you’ll look back and realize you did it. Even Grandma would be proud.
What habits are you trying to change? Let me know on the Savvy Psychologist Facebook page.
About the Author
Dr. Ellen Hendriksen was the host of the Savvy Psychologist podcast from 2014 to 2019. She is a clinical psychologist at Boston University’s Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders (CARD). She earned her Ph.D. at UCLA and completed her training at Harvard Medical School. Her scientifically-based, zero-judgment approach is regularly featured in Psychology Today, Scientific American, The Huffington Post, and many other media outlets. Her debut book, HOW TO BE YOURSELF: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety, was published in March 2018.