How to Fix a Bad First Impression
Bad first impression? Think you need a do-over but you just aren’t sure how to fix a negative first impression? Public Speaker, Lisa B. Marshall, will explain steps you can take to turnaround a bad first impression.
I lost a potential new client recently. I just wasn’t able to make a strong connection to the young man who was calling for executive coaching. Our conversation was awkward, and as soon as I hung up the phone, I knew I had made a bad first impression. At first, I was upset with myself—after all, I’m a communication expert. I should have been better prepared for our conversation. I had to make a decision—was I going to try to fix the bad impression? If so, what steps would I need to take?
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My Bad (First Impression)
Unfortunately, I can remember more than one occasion when I’ve made a bad first impression. One time in particular stands out—I was negotiating for a job; it was a particularly tough negotiation. The person I negotiated with told me the day I left the company that “he never liked me,” and he had made my work life difficult any chance he could. He told me that he wanted me to “pay for my actions.” I only realized on my last day of work that it was that initial first impression that caused my long-term career damage.
See also: How To Make Great First Impressions
Now, many, many years later, I know what went wrong. I had asked my brother for negotiating advice and followed his suggestions very closely. That is, he told me what he would say and do, and I just did that—oops! In academic terms, I displayed too many agentic behaviors and not enough communal behaviors. In other words, I was too dominant and not warm enough; from a first impression standpoint, it is the kiss of death—even for men (although men have much more leeway in terms of the range of acceptable behaviors).
First Impressions Are Quick
When we meet someone, we very quickly and unconsciously create a first impression. In fact, in 2006, two researchers—Janine Willis and Alexander Todorov—demonstrated that it only takes 1/10th of a second to form an impression of attractiveness, trustworthiness, competence, and aggressiveness. In addition, according to their research, more time doesn’t make a difference. The 1/10th of a second’s impression merely becomes further cemented over the course of the first impression, second impression, and beyond.
So what do you do when you make a bad impression? Is it fixable? If so, how?
The good news is that yes, in fact, a bad impression can be turned around. I’m sure you know intuitively that to correct a bad first impression you need to get at least a second chance to have a positive interaction. In fact, I found several online references (but was unable to find the actual research article) to a Harvard study that suggested that we need 8 subsequent, positive encounters to change a person’s negative opinion of us.
Try, Try Again
Again, intuitively, you know from your own experiences that first impressions are just that—FIRST impressions. So the first step to fixing a bad impression is getting more face time. You need a chance to share your authentic self in a positive manner.
You might consider explaining why you’re not your usual self. If necessary, you may even need to apologize for your poor performance and possibly ask for a second chance—especially if this was a “one and only” opportunity, like an interview or sales presentation.
Use Altercasting
To increase your chances of a second chance, try using altercasting. It’s a tactic for persuading and negotiating with people that makes use of people’s natural tendencies to want to live up to others’ expectations. In this case, you might want to compliment (or remind) the person about their fairness and open-mindedness, so that they will want to live up to that assessment and give you a second chance.
Do a Favor or Ask for Advice
Do a Favor or Ask for AdviceIf neither of those options makes sense, your response could be as subtle as offering to do a small favor; this demonstrates humility and gratitude. Another option is to ask for the person’s advice, which conveys respect and deference and encourages greater cooperation. Dr. Robert Cialdini, who is the world’s leading expert on influence, suggests that asking for advice is one of the quickest ways to make a connection with someone.
Sometimes we make an initial bad impression because we are nervous (or because we took someone’s advice). The anxiety (or advice) encourages us to choose behaviors that lead to a bad impression. But with repeated interactions, you’ll become more comfortable and will be able to relax and be your natural, authentic self. In this way, if your initial behavior was not typical for you, then the other person will eventually understand that their initial impression is not consistent with their current evaluation. The key is to have extended, close interactions that demonstrate consistent and persistent positive behaviors.
Demonstrate Consistent and Persistent Positive Behaviors
Which positive behaviors? As I mentioned before, you need to project both warmth and competence. This means smiling when appropriate, making appropriate eye contact, listening intently, and having good posture. It also means being a person of your word. You need to be modest and inclusive and make it clear you want to help others achieve mutual goals. It also means communicating your expertise and experience in a clear, confident, and compelling manner.
The next time things don’t go as well as you planned, keep in mind that you can still turn things around. Did I attempt to win back the young, male prospect? No. Executive coaching is something that requires not only expertise, but also a personal fit. And there’s a lesson in that too—sometimes a “bad first impression” really isn’t bad at all, it’s simply not a fit, and you just need to move on.
This is Lisa B. Marshall, helping you move from information to influence. Your success is my business. If you want to learn more about communication and leadership, I invite you to read my bestselling book, Smart Talk and listen to my other podcast with the same name, Smart Talk.
Female Yawning, Awkward Guy, and Advice images courtesy of Shutterstock.
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About the Author
Lisa B. Marshall Lisa holds masters with duel degrees in interpersonal/intercultural communication and organizational communication. She’s the author of Smart Talk: The Public Speaker’s Guide to Success in Every Situation, as well as Ace Your Interview, Powerful Presenter, and Expert Presenter. Her work has been featured in CBS Money Watch, Ragan.com, Woman’s Day, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, and many others. Her institutional clients include Johns Hopkins Medicine, Harvard University, NY Academy of Science, University of Pennsylvania, Genentech, and Roche.
