How to Make Better Introductions and Remember Names (Part 1)
Making Introductions is hard. Remembering names is even harder. In this two-part series, The Public Speaker shares 5 secrets for making a proper introduction and remembering the names of people you meet.
Lisa B. Marshall
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How to Make Better Introductions and Remember Names (Part 1)
Recently my mother-in-law and I needed to pick up my children from school. As we headed for the school, I noticed another mom walking in. I recognized her. I clearly remembered attending a committee meeting with her. I even remembered our conversation from the first day I had met her a few years back. Unfortunately, in my mind she was “Eva’s mom” and I just couldn’t remember her name! I felt horrible.
When we all arrived, I sincerely asked, “Hey, how are you doing?” She excitedly told us about an upcoming trip to Disney. I wanted to introduce her to my mother-in-law and thought to myself, “The next time she pauses, I’ll just have to confess that I don’t remember her name.” Lucky for me, just at the moment she saved me by introducing herself. I was so embarrassed and I apologized for not introducing her immediately..
Unfortunately, I think my story isn’t uncommon. Today, in Part 1 of this two-part series, I’ll talk about making proper introductions. And in Part 2, I’ll talk about how to remember names of people you meet.
We’ll start today with rules of introduction:
Introduction Rule #1: Always Make the Introduction
I’ll start with the most important rule; always make introductions. Even if you are embarrassed; even if you’re not quite sure what to say; even if you think you may have introduced these two people before, go ahead and make an introduction.
Making an introduction is a sign of respect. No one likes to feel left out and introductions help everyone to connect and get comfortable. I find many people don’t introduce someone because they can’t remember their name. However, if you can’t remember the person’s name, you’ll can say something like this:
“This is embarrassing, I know your name, but right this second, I’m blanking out.” Or “I know you’re Eva’s mom. I’m so sorry, would you remind me your first name please?”
Don’t assume the two people know each other unless you’re sure of it. My friend Sue has introduced me to her mother-in-law at least five times. That’s ok. I’d much rather be introduced too often than not at all.
If you are in a situation and you sense the other person is struggling to remember your name, just go ahead and introduce yourself and spare them the discomfort.
If you think the two people have probably met, you can start with something informal like “Do you two know each other?” That opens the door to either an introduction or for the two to acknowledge each other and start talking.
Finally, if you are in a situation and you sense the other person is struggling to remember your name, just go ahead and introduce yourself and spare them the discomfort. Again, the goal is to make connections and make people feel comfortable; that should be the first priority.
Introduction Rule #2: Start with the Right Person
Allow me to review the rules of introduction etiquette. I admit I’m not an etiquette expert, we’ve got Modern Manners Guy, Richie Frieman for that, however, when it comes to introductions, etiquette calls for younger people to be introduced to older people, children to be introduced to adults, women to be introduced to men in social settings. In professional settings, the lower rank person is introduced to a person of higher rank and clients are introduced to internal employees.
I know it can be a bit complicated, that’s why I follow this simple rules: always start with the person you’re honoring. For example:
“Grandma Vincenza, I’d like you to meet my college friend, Larissa.”
“Armando, this is Tian Hai. She’s the project manager in software QA. Tian, this is Armando Velasquez, our Chief Operating Officer.”
“George have you met my client Nancy Brown? Nancy’s been the CEO of SciTech Company for the past five years. Nancy, this is George Harvington who was recently promoted to development manager for our XYZ product.”
Introduction Rule #3: Make Sure Your Introduction is Heard
Speak clearly and slowly. An introduction is useless if the people being introduced can’t hear you or don’t understand your words. If you’re in a noisy room, raise your voice to make sure you’re heard. Make sure you have both people’s attention before you start. Emphasize the names by saying them more slowly and clealy, and repeat them if needed.
Make eye contact with each person. When you say “Janice, I’d like you to meet my mentor Laureen Remington,” look at Janice. When you switch to “Laureen, this is my business partner Janice Bloom,” shift to look at Laureen.
Introduction Rule #4: Use Titles and Last Names in the Right Situations
Did you notice that in the last example, I used last names as well as first names? It’s good to use titles in more formal situations or when there’s a significant age difference. For example, when I introduce my daughter to an adult, I always refer to the adult as Mr., Mrs., or Miss They can correct me if they want my child to refer to them less formally.
However, my first example was a professional situation. So why did I include the last names? Because social media is so prevalent. I may never have met you in person, but I might have seen your comments on a blog. If we’re introduced a person by first name only, I won’t make the connection. But if I hear your first and last name I can say “Oh yes, I have enjoyed your blog posts. I feel like I already know you.” Or “I think our mutual friend Eric introduced us on LinkedIn.”
Finally, if a person has a well-known social media moniker, you may want to include that as well. For example, “Connie, I’d like for you to meet Mignon Fogarty. You may know her as Grammar Girl.”
Introduction Rule #5: Share Relevant Information
Finally, when you introduce two people, you should include a little information about each one. Your goal is to create rapport between your two acquaintances. Don’t just stop with their names, but don’t elaborate too much either. Your goal is to provide a tidbit of information to help launch their conversation.
If you elaborate too, much you’re making yourself an important part of the conversation and you’ll miss your goal of connection. But if you don’t provide any information that connects the two [people, they may end up standing there in awkward silence, which misses the point of making everyone comfortable.
It’s best to share how you know each of the people, why you’re introducing them, or some area of common ground. For example:
“Sriya Tillman, this is my neighbor Alex Rogers. Alex is the writer I was telling you I wanted you to meet. Sriya writes for a local entertainment magazine.”
If you’re in a business setting, always include job responsibilities and possibly mention projects they’ve worked on or recent achievements.
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I hope these tips help you feel more prepared to make introductions. Once you make it a habit to always introduce people, it will get a lot easier. In Part 2 of this series, we’ll tackle the challenge of remembering names. If you’re one of those people who forgets a person’s name just seconds after you’ve met them, you won’t want to miss it!
This is Lisa B. Marshall, Helping you maximize sales, manage perceptions, and enhance leadership through keynotes, workshops, books, and online courses. Passionate about communication; your success is my business.
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About the Author
Lisa B. Marshall Lisa holds masters with duel degrees in interpersonal/intercultural communication and organizational communication. She’s the author of Smart Talk: The Public Speaker’s Guide to Success in Every Situation, as well as Ace Your Interview, Powerful Presenter, and Expert Presenter. Her work has been featured in CBS Money Watch, Ragan.com, Woman’s Day, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, and many others. Her institutional clients include Johns Hopkins Medicine, Harvard University, NY Academy of Science, University of Pennsylvania, Genentech, and Roche.