How to Make the Most from a Referral
When someone agrees to refer you for a potential job, a sales opportunity, or a romantic relationship, you have a responsibility to pursue it gracefully. Here are Get-It-Done Guy’s tips on making the most of a referral.
I recently spent some time talking with Joanne Black, author of Pick Up the Damn Phone, a book on relationship-based selling.
It got me thinking. In high school, everything got done via the gossip network. Nicole told Ron who told Rebecca who told Claudia who told E.J. who told Reggie who told Steph who told Cristina who told John who told Mark who told Pat who told Michael who told me. Joanne (not Joanne from my high school, Joanne the sales expert) pointed out that the same thing is true in the so-called grown-up world, only it’s not gossip, it’s referrals.
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Once you’re past college, most things happen by referral. You’ll be using referrals to get informational interviews when job hunting, to find interviews for specific jobs, to find customers for your products, donors for your non-profit, and even a new schmoopie when the old one dumps you for an up-and-coming Italian fashion designer.
Referrals are delicate. You must handle them properly, or you can accidentally burn bridges! When you’re being referred, it’s usually by a friend, maybe Boris, maybe Natasha. For convenience, we’ll just call your friend “The Russian.” The Russian has agreed to provide an introduction to Incredible Person.
Before You Make Contact
Do your research! Google Incredible Person and find out everything you can. You’ll be asking a lot of questions. You may be surprised to learn that in a referral situation, it’s not about you, at all. No one wants to hear about you and how amazing you are; we want to talk about us, and how amazing we are. So you’ll need to know about Incredible Person so you can ask good questions that will go deep, fast.
Ask The Russian for information about Incredible Person. How should you approach Incredible Person? Are there any topics that Incredible Person likes to talk about (e.g. their children), or that are off-limits (e.g. clowns)?
Behave Well
Joanne Black points out that you represent The Russian. You must behave as well as or better than the Russian.
BCC The Russian on your introductory email, so they can see the style you’re using and if you’re doing something wrong, quickly give you corrective hints or have you eliminated.
Use proper grammar. Write and speak in complete sentences. Spell check. Capitalize. Say “Please” and “Thank You,” and call Incredible Person by their title, “Mr. or Ms. Person,” not by their first name, “Incredible.” Why? Because if they’re formal, you’ll be doing everything right. And if they’re informal, they’ll either tell you or you’ll figure it out when they show up wearing a skintight leopard-skin leotard.
Referrals are all about relationship-building. Get off email, Twitter, LinkedIn, Tumblr, Facebook, Snapchat, Grindr, or Tinder as quickly as possible. Then Pick Up the Damn Phone! Use technology to set up a phone or face-to-face meeting. Relationships are build through direct contact, not through text.
The Informational Interview
For an informational interview, ask for information. Don’t send along a resume unless asked. Sending a resume suggests that you expect Incredible Person to just give you a job. They don’t have one, so it’s a waste of both your time.
Show up and ask them about their experience. Ask their opinions about the industry. Ask them how they got started in or transitioned through the business. Then and only then, ask them if they could help you figure out how to get a job. They’ll probably give you names of more people to contact.
The Sales Call
For a sales call, your attention is on them and their needs. Your preparation should be around designing questions to understand their needs. Not any needs, but the needs that your product can solve. In your actual meeting, you get as quickly as possible to their needs, and then, show them how you can meet those needs.
You are representing The Russian. The Russian is very respectful of people’s time, so make sure you know how long they have available, and get a sense for how quickly they want to get down to business. Time your conversation and presentation to fit within their time constraints.
The Romantic Night Out
For a schmoopie referral, also called a blind date, the rules are a bit different. It’s not just about their needs, it’s about finding out if you’ll both get your needs met.
Don’t get straight to the point! Romance is built on subtlety, on flirting, on being coy. Nothing ends a date faster than saying “Please give me a list of your physical and emotional needs, so I can see whether we’re a good fit.”
And guys – it’s just guys who need to hear this – do not under any circumstances say “You’re so hot, I think I’m going to have to take off my clothes soon. Let’s get married. We can get it annulled within 24 hours if the sex isn’t any good!” The answer will be “No,” and it should be. Remember that they’re going to go give The Russian a full report. Be a gentleman.
After the Contact
Once your referral meeting is over, send a thank-you note. Thank the Russian for the introduction and give a brief summary of the outcome.
“Hey Russian, thanks to your referral, I’ve found a job in the satisfying industry of blowing up helium balloons for birthday parties.”
Also send Incredible Person a handwritten thank-you note too, if this was a business referral. If this was a blind date, sending the other person a note of thanks is weirdly stalkerish.
“Dear Incredible Person, Thanks to our talk, I’ve taken classes and can now blow up 6 helium balloons at a time, and twist each one into a little balloon version of Alice B. Toklas or Gertrude Stein.”
If the referral was job-related, in 6 weeks, send both of them a one or two paragraph note thanking them again and updating them on your status. That’s what they get out of it; the joy of helping.
See also: Choosing a Mentor
Referrals are a major tool for learning and finding jobs, making sales, and building romantic relationships. Make your introducer look good, put all the attention on the person you’re introduced to, and follow up gracefully. You’ll build a reputation as someone who people want to help, and more importantly, someone who will listen for hours to their stories about their kids. Then they’ll hire you and make you CEO.
Referrals and other images courtesy of Shutterstock.