How to Set Boundaries with the Boss
How to deal with a boss who doesn’t respect your boundaries.
Listener Rusty wrote in:
How do I get my boss to stop ringing/texting me outside work hours?
Some bosses don’t respect employees. They take one look at you and the first thing they think is, “there’s yet another tool to use for my own ends.” The second thing they think is, “I will use my telepathic powers to take over his brain, steal his body, and live forever.” For that second part, I recommend a stake through the heart at midnight. And garlic. Garlic makes steak taste wonderful. But when it comes to bosses who text you outside of work hours, you can try many things.
Ask Nicely, Explain Calmly, Set Boundaries
First, set your boundaries. You have to set boundaries calmly. State your boundaries in terms of your needs, and spell out the action you want your boss to take. “Boss, I need to keep my home and work lives separate, so I can do a better job at both. Going forward, could you save your calls and texts for work hours?”
If you want to be more assertive, don’t ask your boss to change, just say what you will do. “From now on, I’ll save your phone messages and texts and respond to them the first thing when I get into the office.”
Is this risky? Yes! There are plenty of bosses in the world whose own work habits are so unbalanced that they want their employees available every waking hour. If you set boundaries with that type of boss, you could get fired, or when review time comes along, you could get a bad review.
In my fantasy word, however, bosses are reasonable people who will respect your boundaries if you bring them up in a clear, non-threatening way.
Compromise
You can also offer a compromise. “Boss, I need to keep my lives separate. And I want to be responsive to you at the same time. How can we meet both our goals?” You might agree to check voicemail and text messages three nights a week or something similar. I’d try for a compromise only if my boss wouldn’t respect my boundaries to begin with. We work 40-hour weeks. Your boss stops being your boss when you leave for the day. It isn’t reasonable for bossy-boss to expect more unless that you agree up front and you get paid for it. We already work more days than any other country in the world, we don’t need to work the longest days, as well. The threat of being fired if you don’t overwork yourself is nothing but extortion.
What if Your Profession Demands 24/7?
Some jobs do expect you to be available at all hours. Most of these are “up-or-out” professions. They expect 80% of their employees to leave in their first few years. The survivors become partners and bathe in tubs of money pouring into the firm from working the young employees like dogs. If you’re in an up-or-out profession, asking for boundaries is like joking about how much you’d like a wedgie in front of a 5th grade bully. Lawyers, investment bankers, management consultants… this means you! [in rhyme:] When next your boss texts you, and you think, “oh, that’s rich,” you just text back, “Boss, I’m not your work … slave!”
Turn Off Your Phone
If all else fails, just turn off your phone. It’s your phone. You have a right to turn it off. When you turn it on, you’ll get all the messages at once, but at least you control when. Tell bossy-boss the text message was delayed. Text messages can arrive days late. In fact, every time I send a text message to my favorite musician, Jason Mraz, it takes him days to reply. And the replies come from some phone number that belongs to a law firm. They keep mumbling something about cease and desist, which I think sounds like a really cool title for a hit song.
Ignore and Pretend
Finally, face up to your part in all this. When you respond, you just reinforce your boss’s bad habit. Let the phone calls go to voicemail and ignore the texts. Start a betting pool with your friends to see how many text messages your boss will waste before figuring out that her attempts are futile. Hopefully, you’ll win, and flush with your winnings, you’ll be able to quit your co-dependent boss and find a more reasonable workplace.
If asking nicely, compromising, and turning off your phone don’t work, give your boss a copy of this podcast. If you are a boss whose employees gave you a copy of this episode, get a clue. Learn to do your job during work hours. Not only will your poor employees be happier, but you can get a life, too, and then everyone wins.
This is Stever Robbins. Join my facebook page at .
Work Less, Do More, and have a Great Life!
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