Is it Possible to Be Less Intelligent in Group Settings? (Part 2)
The Public Speaker provides tips for speaking-up in a group setting, especially when your mind turns to mush and you struggle to contribute.
Lisa B. Marshall
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Is it Possible to Be Less Intelligent in Group Settings? (Part 2)
If you’ve ever clammed-up in a meeting at work, or found yourself speechless in a social setting even though you had something to say, this episode is for you. This is Part 2 of a mini-series addressing the phenomenon of feeling “less intelligent” in group settings. Make sure to check out Part 1 before you go on. This week we’ll cover 6 tips to help you speak-up. .
Tip #1: Know Your Audience
The first step is to spend some time thinking about your audience. Before I attend a conference or join a panel for discussion, I try to find out a little background on the others in the group. What will be their perspective? What might be important to them? What questions would I ask if I were them?
Make it a goal to meet one-on-one with two or three people that will be participating in the group. At a minimum, connect and engage with them via social media, but if you have time, and the event is important, consider scheduling a short meeting before or during the event to get better acquainted. Knowing the participants ahead of time will likely take the pressure off when you later you are in a group setting with them.
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Tip #2: Plan Questions and Answers in Advance
Professional communicators know the value of preparation. For any group event where you suspect you might have a problem, create a list of possible questions and answers. Create a list of questions that you think others may ask of you and also create a list of questions that you might want to ask of others.
For example, when I work with executives who are about to face the board of directors, I suggest they write out all of the possible questions they might be asked ahead of time. I also suggest they work with a trusted advisor from the board to help them create the list. Always be sure to spend extra time identifying sticky issues or ones that might turn into heated discussions.
If you are going to be speaking at an event, you can ask the moderator or conference organizer ahead of time what type of questions you should expect and if the audience is likely to be challenging or friendly. Even for social situations, think of some basic ice breaking questions you might be asked or that you can ask.
Once you have your questions, you’ll also need to think through possible responses. Continuing the example of speaking to a board, I often have my clients write out responses to the possible questions using a very specific word count limit. By keeping the word count low, you’ll be able to answer quickly and concisely. Of course, you can always expand if necessary, but the prepared responses give you a comfortable place to start.
By deeply thinking about possible questions and answers ahead of time, you’ll have more confidence in your words and help to keep your mind from “going blank.”
Tip #3: Quantity vs. Quality
Don’t feel like you have to give input for every topic or idea being discussed. Sometimes just listening and gathering information is appropriate.
However, don’t feel like you have to give input for every topic or idea being discussed. Sometimes just listening and gathering information is appropriate. It’s Ok if you only jump in when you have something important, relevant, or insightful to say. Your audience – whether it’s a discussion panel or your coffee club – will remember you if your words are thoughtful and powerful. Think quality over quantity.
I recently heard the statistic that at least 30% of people are introverts. If you are not an introvert, then, at the very least likely you work and/or live with an introvert. In a group setting, quieter personalities as well as their ideas are sometimes overlooked. But at the right moment, you can really pack a punch and make an impression by knowing what to say and when to say it.
Tip #4: Know Your Limit
However, saying very little is still an option, or only when directly called upon can work too. Ever walk in to a party with anticipation and cheer, and then feel you’ve had enough conversation after a few minutes? Some people thrive on group interaction, while others quickly get their energy zapped right out of them. For important events, When you recognize this happening, you can excuse yourself. Give yourself some alone time to re-energize. It might be enough just to stand in line to get a drink, but you could also consider a short walk, or some sort of longer break.
Tip #5: Choose a Professional Wingman
Another option in this situation is to choose to primarily listen. Sometimes the pressure is too great to entertain or respond, and listening can be just as powerful a tool. One more option when you’ve had enough, is to pair up with someone who is gains energy from group interaction. Think of this person as your professional “wingman.” They can take the lead and responsibility for keeping the conversation flowing and only pull you into the conversation when it’s absolutely necessary.
Tip #6: Put Yourself in Small Group Settings Often
The best way to get better at something is to do it often. This applies to being comfortable in groups as well. I treat putting myself in these situations as part of my job. It’s called networking. Say yes to speaking on the panel. Go to the neighborhood block party. Attend a political caucus. Join a book club. The more time you spend in small groups, the more comfortable you’ll become.
It’s Ok to feel awkward. Although we have to learn to work as teams and share ideas, you should recognize if that is just not something you feel comfortable with. Part of overcoming the awkwardness is admitting that it’s not your favorite thing. Once you know this about yourself, you can work on improving.
Perhaps the most important thing to take away from this discussion is that we all have something valuable to offer, no matter our differing personalities. Our society seems to reward the loudest or the fastest, but often it is the quiet ones who bring big ideas to the table. Some of the greatest leaders were introverts, with a quiet power that got others to listen. It’s Ok to like working alone, if that is how you channel your creative side, however, it’s still important to be able to express your ideas in groups. And for the extroverts reading this, remember, that just because someone isn’t speaking-up, doesn’t mean they don’t have anything to share.
This is Lisa B. Marshall, Helping you maximize sales, manage perceptions, and enhance leadership through keynotes, workshops, books, and online courses. Passionate about communication; your success is my business.
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About the Author
Lisa B. Marshall Lisa holds masters with duel degrees in interpersonal/intercultural communication and organizational communication. She’s the author of Smart Talk: The Public Speaker’s Guide to Success in Every Situation, as well as Ace Your Interview, Powerful Presenter, and Expert Presenter. Her work has been featured in CBS Money Watch, Ragan.com, Woman’s Day, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, and many others. Her institutional clients include Johns Hopkins Medicine, Harvard University, NY Academy of Science, University of Pennsylvania, Genentech, and Roche.