Money Manners at the Office
Do you want to pitch in for a gift?
Trent Armstrong
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Money Manners at the Office
Co-Worker #1 (Suzie): “Hey, you owe me $10.”
Co-Worker #2 (Sammie): “What? Why do I owe you $10?”
Suzie: “Oh, we all decided to go in together on a present for Jenny’s birthday, but you were at lunch so I paid your portion.”
Sammie: “But, I didn’t agree to contribute any more for the present.”
Suzie: “Well, everyone else was chipping in so I thought it was only fair that you do the same.”
Sammie: runs away quickly
OK, not so much the last line. And yes, today we are discussing financial manners…in the Office.
Party Time
There seems to be a growing trend of spending more personal money on co-workers in an office environment than in the past. Maybe it is seen as working better as a “team” or being like “family” or even as a morale builder. We spend a significant amount of time with our co-workers so it would make sense that we try to make the office environment a happy place. However, there should still be a separation between work and personal life, especially when it comes to spending money. After all, work is where we go to make money, not spend it, right? So when planning a work-related baby shower, wedding shower, or party, a good rule of thumb is to never pressure someone to pay or “chip in” for gifts in an office environment. I don’t know about you, but the holiday season is rapidly approaching, and I have 16 immediate family members to start buying for!
Getting Hosed by a Shower
Do you hear this? “Suzie wants to throw a wedding shower for John and thought it would be better if everyone just gave money and bought one big gift….” I feel like this can be categorized as adult peer pressure.
You know, like when you were back in high school…”Come on, everyone else is doing it.” Now, don’t get me wrong, it is a very nice gesture to purchase gifts for your co-workers. Just make sure you approach it in a way that doesn’t make everyone feel pressured to contribute. Your co-workers can become your friends, and it’s natural for to you want these occasions to be special, but remember, everyone may not be as close to that person as you, and everyone might not have as much disposable income as you.
Practical. Not Pressure
The best way to approach the subject is through email. This will keep from putting people on the spot. Try not to send a blanket email–be selective, including just the people who are closest with honored guest. This can also become a sensitive issue as some people may feel slighted if not included on the invitation. There may not be a good answer to this situation, but if possible and appropriate, try and let the non-invited co-workers know you did not want everyone to feel obligated, but they are more than welcome to contribute if they would like. The actual handling of this situation is probably best answered on a case by case basis.
Manage Your Expectations
Whenever it is appropriate to collect money for a gift in the work place, please remember that not everyone makes the same amount of money nor is in the same financial position as the next person. If you can avoid requiring a certain amount, try and do so. If a minimum amount needs to be set, keep it reasonably low, but understand that not everyone is going to participate.
Second only to pressuring someone into pitching in is expecting that everyone WILL pitch in and then harboring ill will toward those who do not.
Those who are not interested in contributing have their reasons, and it’s not your business to know what those are. Offering someone a little grace and the benefit of the doubt will keep your working relationship healthy.
The Victim
If you’re the person feeling pressured for gift contributions at the office, maybe you’re making it into something bigger than it needs to be. We are all human, and these situations present themselves many times throughout our lives, but if you do not feel any personal obligation to contribute in a workplace party or other similar event, then by all means do not. BUT, be sure to approach it in the right manner. Remain positive in your responses. It’s important to maintain healthy working relationships and becoming angry or negative will tend to damage those relationships. If you would like to decline, you might start out with a vague response such as, “I’d rather not contribute this time, but thank you for asking me.” I find that most of the time people will leave it at that, but there still are those who tend to be a little more pushy and well…nosy. If further inquiries continue, there are probably two roads that you can take…
First, you could be brutally honest. Brutal honesty can be the less appealing option when you want to be polite because it’s hard to nicely say that you do not know this person well enough or care enough to contribute your hard earned money. It’s a perfectly acceptable and realistic perspective, but realism is not a quality shared by all. The second and better option is just to continue being politely vague. A simple statement like, “You know, this just isn’t a good time right now,” usually will work. This statement could mean any number of things. And you save the brutal honesty of what your statement means to you, “It’s never a good time to spend money on someone I’m not close to” without creating any tension in the situation. Keep the situation as non-personal as you can.
Now, bear in mind, your choice of not contributing also means that you should probably not participate in the activities. Be ready for no cake!
Thanks to Derek Norton of The MannersCast for guest-writing this episode. You can find out more about Derek and The MannersCast at https://www.mannerscast.com.
And thanks for listening to The Modern Manners Guy’s Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life. I would be honored if you would take the time to subscribe to the show in iTunes and leave a review in the iTunes store.
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