Public Misbehavior
Get tips on what to do when your child misbehaves in public.
Cherylyn Feierabend
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Public Misbehavior
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Joanna writes
My son is 25 months and is very independent, which is a good thing; challenging, but good.  When my son and I are out in public or with a group of friends, he can be very moody, disrespectful, and disagreeable. I thought the problem was [that] he wasn’t comfortable in social settings or just the terrible twos. But I have noticed, as have my friends, that as soon as I leave, he is polite, quiet, and happy. THE SECOND I come back, he is whining, angry, etc. What am I doing wrong?
In the case of Joanna’s son, there are two things going on. One is the issue of behavior outside the home and the other is the different behavior her son exhibits with her as opposed to with other people. The second issue is a very common one. Some kids choose to test the boundaries of the parent who they are with more than the boundaries of others. I believe this is because they naturally trust their parent more. Even as adults, we have a tendency to take our frustrations out on the people we love the most. I think kids do the same thing. The trust we have with our loved ones causes us to … well … to not be as kind as we should. This behavior is wrong on all counts, but we all deal with it in some way or another.
When bad behavior mainly happens in public locations or when you are around other people it, can be very frustrating. What do you do when your child acts out frequently during public outings? Before you leave for your destination, take some time to talk with your child about his behavior. Let him know that you look forward to him doing his best and being the good little boy you know he can be. Keep it positive, but make sure he knows there will be consequences if he misbehaves. You can tell him that as long as he behaves himself, you’ll both be able to stay and have fun. Advise him that you don’t want to have to leave early and if he listens and follows the rules, it will be a great time for everyone. If there’s travel time, remind him of the rules on the way there and then again once you’ve arrived. Tell him, “We’re here now. Please remember our agreement. As long as you are on your best behavior, we’ll be able to stay and play.”
Once the fun begins, you may see your child being on his best behavior because it’s still fresh in his mind. Pay close attention and encourage him with positive reinforcement. “Wow! You sure are being a good boy. I’m so proud!” Lavish him with encouragement about how well he’s behaving. Make a very big deal out of it. If his behavior does start to regress into the usual routine, gently remind him that he was being so good and you want to stay and continue to let him play. Let him know that he’s on warning and remind him once again that you want to stay, but he’ll have to behave. If his behavior continues to deteriorate, you’ll need to remove him from the situation. It won’t be fun for either of you, but he’ll learn that there are limits and he’ll need to take your warnings seriously in the future.
Similarly, when you are at home and he is behaving, you’ll want to recognize his good behavior there as well. You can follow it up with a reminder about how to behave when you are out and about. You could say something like, “You are playing so nicely today. I know you are going to play just as nicely with your friends tomorrow in play group.” Try not to get discouraged if it takes some time to break the cycle. Keep up with the reminders and stick to your guns when it comes to warnings. It may seem like you are leaving early frequently in the beginning, but it shouldn’t take more than a few times before your child decides he would rather stay and play. Hang it there!
That’s it for now.
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