Roommate Manners
Working out a peaceful coexistence.
If you have ever thought you need more conflict in your life, I have an answer to your problem: get a roommate. However, if you already have a roommate, you might be looking for stress relief and for that, you have come to the right place.
We can all dream, but not every roommate is going to be easy to live with. There are usually two types of roommates in most situations. The first is the person who is always stressed about the noise and the mess. The second is the one who is frustrated about the tension from the first person being stressed out all the time. I think there are some things that both parties should consider to relieve the stress and frustration. Let’s take a look from both points of view since the best roommate is the one who is nice to live with and not the cause of homicidal thoughts.
Common Areas
Most apartments have some kind of area that is shared between all parties. That is the area that first greets you when you arrive home. That is the first area your mom or your girlfriend or boyfriend sees when they enter your place. It’s important to understand that a messy common area can create lots of stress for the roommate with the Type A personality. It doesn’t really matter which roommate you are; it’s important to keep your eye out for anything that should be picked up, like empty drink cans, food wrappers, clothes, and other personal effects.
It’s also important for the Type A roommate to extend a little grace. Not everyone will be as neat as you want them to be. If things start to get out of hand, try a simple comment like, “Hey, it kind of grosses me out to have things all over the place in here. Would you put your stuff away when you are done for the night?”
For the person who is actually leaving their stuff everywhere, be sensitive to the fact that not everyone holds to your sensibilities. Always be looking to make things better. Check around for your stuff in the common area and make sure you put things away when you have the chance. Leaving food and drink sitting around will attract bugs (or worse), and they will be traceable back to you, so be careful. And no one is interested in moving your clothes or shoes out of the way when they want to sit on the couch.
Now, your room is your room and no one should really be able to tell you how to keep your room, but it is necessary to prevent the contents of your room from spilling into the hall and causing issues for others. Smell is another potential issue. If your bad smell drifts into the common living space, that’s not good. The bottom line is that you can be as messy as you want in your own personal space, but just take care of your room so that no one realizes what lurks behind the door.
Keep the Kitchen Clean
As for the kitchen, it is best to work out an agreement as early as possible and stick to it.
Decide how groceries will be divided, who will cook and who will clean, and who will take out the trash. Try not to go for a “you do it if you notice it” scenario with the trash. That will become a game of the slacker blindly throwing trash in the direction of the trash can until the other person takes it out– and the same goes for the dishes.
If you set things up to be “I cook. You clean,” it will be important for the one who cooks to keep an eye on the volume of the mess created. It’s not a free pass to be as messy as you want.
Be sure to figure out how groceries will be handled as well, and stick to the plan. Should you agree on a common groceries scenario, be sure to use only your fair share and keep your distance from any of your roommate’s personal food. If, however, you need some of your roommate’s food, just replace it as quickly as possible and shoot for replacing it before your roommate even notices it’s gone. Oh, and don’t replace the Maximillian’s premium bacon cereal with Smokey Os store brand. Replace it with the same brand, size, flavor, etc. like it was never missing.
Financial Matters
The idea behind living in an apartment with someone is to cut the amount of rent that each of you pays per month. It is best to come to some kind of financial agreement before even moving in. Keep things fair and then stick to the plan (I might say that one or two more times.). This keeps one party from covering rent for the other all the time, buying all the groceries and setting up the Internet so everyone can listen to The Modern Manners Guy.
If you know going in that you have trouble being on time with money, do everything in your power to hold up your end of the accord. When you start to become a burden, you start tempting your roommate to have poor manners. And that shouldn’t be on your shoulders.
When it comes to the financial matters of co-habitating, the more responsible roommate (or at least the one with his or her name on the lease) should be blunt and be timely, but also fair. If you think that rent will be coming late from the other party, kindly remind them of the approaching payment keeping in mind that not everyone is always as “together” as yourself.
Noise Level
Living in an apartment with someone should also come with the understanding that someone else lives in the apartment. We like to laugh or yell at the television, we like to dance around to loud music, and some of us even like to play musical instruments from time to time. However, doing all these things in private is very different than doing them in someone else’s house. Yes, the apartment you live in also belongs to someone else. Plus, the walls are probably wafer thin, and your loudness can be heard by any number of different neighbors.
You can agree on times when you can be louder than normal or just be loud together, but make sure to not become a nuisance. And always try to resolve any issues in a respectful way. Getting angry and plotting your roommate’s demise is not a very polite way to deal with things. Let’s say your roommate has cranked up her music just as you are about to turn in for the night. If you lash out in frustration, the situation will probably escalate into shouting and louder music, and then no one gets any sleep. Approach the situation without accusation and with kind words. This might work: “Hey, I’ve got a big meeting tomorrow and need to get some shut-eye. Could you turn your music down or use headphones?”
With any luck our patience toward the situation will elicit a, “Sure! Sorry about that. Let me know if it still bothers you.” However, for situations in which you get the response of a crazy person and more loud music, you might want to just throw in the towel and try to find another roommate.
Finally, be respectful and gracious. Always give the other person the benefit of the doubt and make time to talk about situations so you can take care of issues before they become grudges.
Administrative
Thank you for listening to The Modern Manners Guy’s Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life.
Quick and Dirty Tips is adding a new podcast to our line-up. Dr. Rob Lamberts is joining us as host of House Call Doctor’s Quick and Dirty Tips for Taking Charge of Your Health. There’s a lot of medical information out there and often it can seem contradictory . Dr. Lamberts is here to help you make sense of it.
There are transcript of this and all my other episodes at manners.quickanddirtytips.com where you can also find a link to my Facebook group. Come on over, become a fan and join in the discussions. And don’t forget to tell a friend about your Modern Manners Guy. If you would like to offer any comments or topic suggestions email me at manners@quickanddirtytips.comcreate new email. The Modern Manners Guy is a part of the Quick and Dirty Tips Network.
Image courtesy of Shutterstock