RSVPlease
The why and how of RSVPs.
Trent Armstrong
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RSVPlease
When planning a party of any sort, it’s customary to ask for a head count. The French say, “Répondez, s’il vous plait,” which roughly translates, “Let me know you’re coming or there won’t be enough fried chicken to go around.”
Let’s Get Together
Many of us attend parties all the time, but they are often company parties where the guest list is already a given. And there are some folks that just don’t see the need to go to parties at all. However, those of us who occasionally plan get-togethers should already know the importance of making our intentions known.
Breaking It Down
Allow me to break down the whole process for a moment. The host or hostess of the party has gotten excited about something and decided to open his or her home to a lot of people, or maybe spend the money to rent a nice location. They thoughtfully plan to have food and beverages at the gathering. Perhaps they even send out printed invitations, and so at this point, a lot of time and effort has been taken by the instigating party to instigate this party.
Let’s then say that you, honored guest, receive said invitation and also become excited about the event — so excited, in fact, that you think briefly about the date and stick the invitation to your fridge with a dolphin magnet. Well, a few weeks pass and you discuss the party with your friends and convince yourself that nothing could keep you away.
The date of the event rolls around and you march your freshly-bathed self through the front door and flippantly apologize for not confirming your presence. Imagine the look on the host’s face upon seeing you and realizing that there are now not enough servings of grilled trout for everyone. Your host quickly composes himself by turning over his plate to you, only to find that you have brought your “and guest” as well.
Frankly, this situation is now your fault, and the host is irritated and left to decide whether he should offer you an invitation to his next event. The tough news is that it could have all been prevented with a simple response. Oh, wait! Do not – I repeat – do not bring a guest if your invitation does not indicate that you are encouraged to do so.
RSVPlease
If I haven’t conveyed yet how important it is to respond when a response is requested, it is very, very, very important. When you receive the invitation, take a few minutes to look at your calendar and make your plans. There is usually a date by which you should respond, so you don’t need to rush your decision. However, responding as soon as possible will give your host a sense of confidence. The sooner she has her guest list, the more excited she’ll be about the planning.
In our age of technology, there are usually a number of ways to respond. From email and cell phones to good old-fashioned postal service, no excuses should be made about not being able to respond unless you happen to be out of town. You should certainly try to respond in the fashion that is requested by the host, but don’t feel constrained by that. If you just can’t get the pre-stamped envelope in the mail in time, go ahead and call. And if you hate talking on the phone, just send a quick email. I’m sure the host would much rather have you in attendance than fretting over the requested means of communication.
The Divine Decline
Now, since we know that your response has ensured that your portion of trout will be available, it’s important to mention that declining is another area that needs attention. Just as you responded to make your presence known, you should get back in touch with the host to let her know if you later realize that you won’t be able to attend. I highly recommend sticking to your commitment, but if you are not able, please make an effort to get that information to the party planner as soon as possible.
And it’s okay to decline all together. Of course your presence at the event would be appreciated — that’s why you got the invitation in the first place; however, if you know you are not able to attend, don’t hold on to that information because you are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. It is far worse to not respond and be expected to attend than to decline the invitation.
Dealing with Delinquents
From time to time, you might host your own party. Now you know that not everyone realizes the need for prompt responses. If your deadline for RSVPs is looming and you still haven’t heard from people, you might need to take matters into your own hands and call those who have not yet responded. Simply mention that you’ll need to have a final count soon and ask if your friend will be able to make it. Invitations can be lost in the mail or spam folder so be sure to be gracious. However, you don’t want your grace in that situation to be misconstrued. It’s important for your guest to understand that you are glad he is coming, but that promptly responding is important. Do not cast blame. Be matter-of-fact and conclude with something like, “I really hope you can make it.”
Should someone request to bring a guest, weigh the type of party with your current guest list before you make your decision, but know you are well within your rights to refuse . Kindly saying something like,”I’m trying to keep this party to close friends and family.” Or “I’m really sorry, but the wedding service is so intimate that we are not allowing babies.” You will need to be consistent, though. Don’t allow someone to bring a guest if you’re refusing the opportunity for someone else.
Finally, someone just might decide to crash your party without so much as a hint that they were coming. Know that this can and will happen. Having a plan will keep you cool under the pressure. Plan for a little extra food, and when your unexpected guest arrives, you’ll be covered. Accept this person graciously but with a cheerful, “Oh! I didn’t think you were coming! You really must warn me next time so I can be better prepared.” Put on your best smile and make a mental note that you might need to contact this person directly next time.
Now, that’s it for the podcast, but I’ve got a couple of new things to mention including my new Facebook page, so stick around.
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RSVP image courtesy of Shutterstock