Savvy Psychologist Anniversary Special: 5 Essential Tips for a Happy Life
After a year of hosting the popular Savvy Psychologist podcast, Dr. Ellen Hendriksen has learned a lot. Check out the top 5 most important lessons from the past year – and how you can use them to make 2015 your best year ever.
Ellen Hendriksen, PhD
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Savvy Psychologist Anniversary Special: 5 Essential Tips for a Happy Life
It’s been a year! After an exciting launch last January, I’m thrilled that the Savvy Psychologist show ended its first year as one of the iTunes Best Podcasts of 2014.
So what have I learned after a year of hosting the podcast? Aside from learning that the best episode ideas come from listeners, and that surprisingly good recording acoustics can be achieved by surrounding myself with piles of laundry, I’ve also read hundreds of scientific papers this year. So in honor of the first anniversary of the podcast, here are the 5 essential tips for living a happier life in the new year:
Essential Tip #1: Exercise
I can hear you groaning already. But I’ve been blown away by the research on the mental health benefits of exercise. A 2007 study found exercise was comparable to antidepressants in treating major depression and a 2011 follow-up found it helped prevent depression relapse.
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Aside from depression, exercise treats PTSD, ADHD, panic, social anxiety – pretty much any mental health challenge you can name. Plus, it’s been used to help people quit smoking, sleep better, improve energy, sharpen cognitive functioning, and increase libido. If you could bottle it, you’d make millions.
But what really sold me was a series of studies on exercise and dementia from Savvy Psychologist episode 31, 4 Tips for Alzheimer’s Prevention. Alzheimer’s runs in my family and while I know there’s no silver bullet, I’ll do pretty much anything to prevent or delay the disease.
The clincher was this: A 2011 study looked at the effect of exercise on those with the APOE e4 gene, a gene that puts you at higher risk for developing Alzheimer’s. It’s carried by about 25% of people and differences in the brain regions most affected by Alzheimer’s are already visible in babies who carry the gene.
The study examined 4 groups of senior citizens: those who had the APOE e4 gene and exercised moderately – no extreme marathon runners or boot camp instructors here, just walkers or joggers – those who had the gene and didn’t exercise, and those without the APOE e4 gene who either did or did not exercise.
The researchers scanned everybody’s brain and then for 18 months, just let the participants do their thing. Then they scanned their brains again. In just a year and a half, those who had the e4 gene but didn’t exercise lost about 3% of their hippocampus, a part of the brain that specializes in memory. Of those with the e4 gene who did exercise regularly? Almost no hippocampal loss at all – same as the folks without the gene.
Of course, Alzheimer’s is a lot more than just loss of hippocampal volume, but the general lesson is this: Regular, moderate exercise you enjoy is protective in too many ways to count. As for me, I’m still honing my system, but thanks to writing the podcast, I (finally) exercise more days than not, and when I fall off the wagon, I’m quicker to get back on.
Check out Get-Fit Guy’s show for tons of great tips on how to make daily exercise an essential part of your life. He even has tips on how to Get Fit in Just a Few Minutes a Week.
Essential Tip #2: Play Multiple Roles
I talked about wearing several hats in one of my most popular episodes (no, not the porn one). It was Why Am I So Tired?, where I review a study of over 1,300 mothers which found that moms who work part time have less depression and better physical health than stay-at-home moms.
Nowadays, staying home can be a once in a lifetime opportunity or (with the cost of child care skyrocketing) an economic necessity.
See also: 5 Strategies for Stay-at-Home Parents to Transition Back to Work
But what is it about part-time work that’s so beneficial? And how can folks who work full-time, stay-at-home moms or dads, or anyone else for that matter, get in on the action?
Well, I don’t have a definitive answer, but I think a clue lies in an old 1992 study that followed a group of over 300 women for more than 30 years. The women were followed from 1956 to 1986 and it was found that occupying multiple roles – including being a wife, mother, working, volunteering, churchgoing, and/or belonging to a club or organization in 1956 was linked to good health 30 years later. And this was even after controlling for income and illness, thereby busting the myth that only rich or super-healthy women can fill multiple roles.
But you don’t have to choose the Leave It To Beaver traditional mix of marriage, parenting, an office job, and church, though you certainly could. You might also do freelance writing while working as a tattoo artist and playing in a bike polo league. Or work a day job while you go to community college and mentor someone through AA.
Or be a stay-at-home parent and volunteer t-ball coach. Anything goes, as long as it’s more than one thing. Call it multiple roles or…call it balance.
For me, I used to feel like I was half-assing everything – work, motherhood, writing – and that I should fish or cut bait and pick one to focus on primarily. But these two studies made me feel validated and I stopped feeling guilty all the time. Turns out my multiple hats fit just fine.
Essential Tip #3: What’s Beneath the Anger?
One of the most useful psychological facts I’ve ever learned is that anger is a secondary emotion – it comes out to cover a softer, primary emotion, like guilt, shame, hurt, insecurity, or fear.
So when you find yourself on the receiving end of a red-faced diatribe or an all-caps email, take a moment (or a day or two) to soothe yourself, but then, dig for the true emotion under the vitriol.
Figuring out that your hater’s anger was just a front for feeling rejected, invalidated, or humiliated makes it a lot easier not only to empathize, but also to respond in a non-angry way.
It’s hard, because usually our brains interpret anger coming at us as a threat of potential harm, so we get scared, and our brains cover our fear with – you guessed it – anger. But break the cycle and you’ll be surprised.
My feet were held to the fire after the 6 Myths About Domestic Violence episode – some male listeners were incensed that I had left out the possibility of straight men being the victims of domestic violence. After a lot of cycling between feeling guilty (“They’re totally right”), defensive (“Why does no one listen – I even said the episode was for women”), and hurt (“They don’t have to be jerks about it”), I wrote a bonus episode called Can Men Be Victims of Domestic Violence? addressing the topic. I also wrote each man back, which as someone admittedly averse to conflict, raised my heart rate more than a little.
Long story short, I tried really hard to be empathetic, and guess what – they were total sweethearts. We wrote back and forth a bunch of times. Now? We’re BFFs. Everyone involved came out a winner.
Essential Tip #4: Self-Control Can Grow, But Is Fundamentally Finite
It’s unclear who said it first, Thomas Edison or Woody Allen, but 90% of success is showing up. Whatever your goal – your personal equivalent of the lightbulb or a Golden Globe lifetime achievement award – the trick is to stay focused both in the moment and over the long haul.
The Savvy Psychologist show covered both these concepts this year: self-control, which is resisting temptation in the moment, and grit, which is persevering through ups and downs over time. Whatever your gritty long term project, whether you’re finishing your degree, starting your own business, or saving for a house, the process is filled with short-term decision points where self-control is in order.
In the episode on self-control, we talked about a classic 1998 study where each participant sat at a table with a plate of cookies and a plate of radishes. Some lucky ducks were asked to eat the cookies, while others were asked to eat the radishes. Then each participant was asked to work on a secretly impossible-to-solve puzzle.
What happened? Those who were forced to burn their self control by resisting the forbidden cookies gave up on the puzzle after about 8 minutes. But those who were allowed to eat the cookies and therefore had self-control to spare worked on the puzzle for more than twice as long – about 19 minutes.
The lesson? Self-control – also called willpower – is a finite resource. Subsequent studies have shown it can be strengthened, much like a muscle, but even the strongest muscles can get exhausted.
For me, I finally stopped beating myself up about not being able to focus and work efficiently past about 9pm. It took way too many years to realize that I was getting sucked into web surfing because my self-control was depleted (not to mention I was simply exhausted). I still struggle with how much time I spend on YouTube, but at least I don’t feel as bad about it.
Essential Tip #5: Learn in Public
While researching the episode on Impostor Syndrome, I stumbled across the concept of the “public amateur” or “purposeful impostor.”
The lesson? Learn in public. With most new ventures, you won’t emerge perfectly formed, like Athena from the head of Zeus. Instead, you have to take those tentative first steps out in the open.
For example, when first learning Mandarin Chinese, a friend of mine accidentally asked a waiter for an order of chicken droppings and then told her grandmother she was sexually excited to see her. Today she’s fluent. She got some good stories out of it, but the point is that there was no other way to learn than by practicing in public.
Same thing for you: Going back to school, starting a new job, launching a business, even starting a blog will feel suspiciously like learning to ride a bike or drive a car for the first time. You’ll experience the equivalent of stalling out on the highway a few times, but each time will be necessary to your eventual success.
As for me, I’m proud of many of this year’s episodes, but some of the early ones sound clunky and hesitant to me now. I chalk it up to learning in public. With luck, this coming year, I’ll get the chance to screw up something new and exciting.
The lesson? Go ahead and try, even if others are watching. And, if you suck, remember the Pratfall Effect from the How to Deal With Rejection episode. A few screw-ups not only keep you real, they make you more attractive.
In short, this new year, dance like nobody’s watching, especially if everybody is.
References
Blumenthal, J.A., Babyak, M.A., Doraiswamy, P.M., Watkins, L., Hoffman, B.M., Barbour, K.A. et al. (2007). Exercise and pharmacotherapy in the treatment of Major Depressive Disorder. Psychosomatic Medicine, 69, 587-596.
Hoffman, B.M., Babyak, M.A., Craighead, W.E., Sherwood, A., Doraiswamy, P.M., Coons, M.J. et al. (2011). Exercise and pharmacotherapy in patients with major depression: One-year follow-up of the SMILE study. Psychosomatic Medicine, 73, 127-33.
Smith, J.C., Nielson, K.A., Woodard, J.L., Seidenberg, M., Durgerian, S., Antuono, P. et al. (2011). Interactive effects of physical activity and APOE-ε4 on BOLD semantic memory activation in healthy elders. Neuroimage, 54, 635-44.
Buehler, C. & O’Brien, M. (2011). Mothers’ part-time employment: Associations with mother and family well-being. Journal of Family Psychology, 895-906.
Moen, P., Dempster-McClain, D. & Williams, R. (1992). Successful aging: A life course perspective on women’s roles and health. American Journal of Sociology, 97, 1612-1638.
Baumeister, R.F., Bratslavsky, E., Muraven, M., Tice, D.M. (1998). Ego depletion: Is the active self a limited resource? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74, 1252-65.
Birthday cupcake image courtesy of Shutterstock.
About the Author
Dr. Ellen Hendriksen was the host of the Savvy Psychologist podcast from 2014 to 2019. She is a clinical psychologist at Boston University’s Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders (CARD). She earned her Ph.D. at UCLA and completed her training at Harvard Medical School. Her scientifically-based, zero-judgment approach is regularly featured in Psychology Today, Scientific American, The Huffington Post, and many other media outlets. Her debut book, HOW TO BE YOURSELF: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety, was published in March 2018.