Talk to Strangers (It’s Good for Your Health)
Do you avoid talking to strangers? The Public Speaker explains why connecting with strangers can make you happier andmore successful. Plus, tips on how to easily connect.
Lisa B. Marshall
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Talk to Strangers (It’s Good for Your Health)
I grew up watching my mom talk to strangers. In shopping lines she’d make friends with the people in front and behind. By the time we left, she was exchanging phone numbers. She talked to cashiers, she talked to bank tellers, she talked to just about everybody. ;
The same scene would unfold each time. She’d ask them something, something small. “Oh, that’s a great sweater…Hey, I’ve got a coupon for that cereal you’re buying, would you like it? “ I’d watch them respond. They were usually hesitant at first. Then as my mother gently advanced the conversation, they would inevitably warm up. Soon they were sharing stories and laughing. It was very rare that other person didn’t want to engage.
It must have rubbed off because now that I’m the mom. I talk to strangers quite often too (much to the chagrin of my husband and kids). In fact, just today I complimented a grocery store worker on her engagement ring. We talked briefly about her upcoming wedding plans.
I stumbled on some recent research about how connecting with others increases happiness. The study, titled Mistakenly Seeking Solitude, set out to discover which is more beneficial: connecting or staying disconnected in a group. In the opening of the study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, this sentence caught my attention:
“Connecting with others increases happiness, but strangers in close proximity routinely ignore each other.”
The researchers asked train commuters if they thought solitude or talking to strangers would be more pleasurable. Then they asked commuters to either talk to someone or keep to themselves during their ride. After the commute, riders were surveyed for the results.
Talking to Strangers Is Good for Your Health
Fact: Most participants preferred interacting with others.
Although most participants predicted solitude would be a more positive experience than interacting with strangers, they were wrong. They actually preferred interacting with others!
Fact: Both parties benefit from making a connection.
The research showed that when two strangers talk to each other, both reap the benefits. So why do we typically choose isolation over making a connection?
Fact: We think others won’t want to talk to us.
The study suggested that we assume others want to be left alone. We don’t want to be rude. We don’t want to break social norms. We don’t want to be rejected.
Although this study is showing up in journals and making the rounds on Twitter, it’s unlikely that you’ll ever board a New York City subway and find the riders inside talking and laughing with each other.
But I sincerely hope that the next time you have a chance to talk to a stranger in a public setting, you’ll try it. Talking to strangers can be good for your health!
Here’s how to do it…..
Talking to Strangers Is Good for Your Career
In fact, during one of my in-person networking seminars I ask (OK, force) participants to interact with each other. I give them explicit directions on what to say, how to introduce themselves. I explain how to join (and gracefully exit) a conversation group. In addition, I teach them how to start a conversation with a VIP, how to start a conversation online that leads to an in-person meeting, and how to start an unplanned conversation with someone you’ve just met. I even teach how to tactfully and respectfully free yourself of someone that insists on following your every movement at a conference.
It is amazing how the energy in the room changes after I’ve taught these fundamental communication skills. It often gets so loud in the room that it’s difficult for me to talk over the group and return the attention back to me so I can continue teaching. The participants just want to keep on talking!
On the evaluation forms people always say how much they enjoyed learning the nuances of conversation-making and how the relationships with their colleagues had changed as a result of these conversations. In fact, recently I had a participant return for the same networking workshop, even though he had attended a few years before.
When I recognized him, I asked him why he had returned. He told me something I have never forgotten. He said, “Lisa, I met so many people that day, it was an amazing start to developing my in-person networking skills. In fact, the person that was sitting next to me has become a close colleague. He has attended several conferences with me, we have collaborated on a few projects, and he and I have become friends—all of that because of this workshop. I’m back to take my skills to the next level.” After that I turned to the audience and said, “I swear I didn’t pay him!”
I always encourage participants to take the leap and talk to strangers. Use the time before a training session to talk to the person next to you. Invite a colleague to lunch so you can enjoy a conversation over a meal (you’re going to eat anyway). Invite a colleague to go for walk with you – it’s good for your physical and mental health and you’ll enjoy getting to know someone better. And of course, consider talking to someone on the train, bus, or plane.
Today, I am encouraging you to talk to strangers – It’ can be good for your health, it’s good for your career, and it’s good for the person you reach out to!
This is Lisa B. Marshall, Helping you maximize sales, manage perceptions, and enhance leadership through keynotes, workshops, books, and online courses. Passionate about communication; your success is my business.
If you want even more success in your life, I invite you to read my latest book, Smart Talk and listen to my other podcast, Smart Talk: Inspiring Conversations with Exceptional People.
Babies talking and women in supermarket images courtesy of Shutterstock.
About the Author
Lisa B. Marshall Lisa holds masters with duel degrees in interpersonal/intercultural communication and organizational communication. She’s the author of Smart Talk: The Public Speaker’s Guide to Success in Every Situation, as well as Ace Your Interview, Powerful Presenter, and Expert Presenter. Her work has been featured in CBS Money Watch, Ragan.com, Woman’s Day, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, and many others. Her institutional clients include Johns Hopkins Medicine, Harvard University, NY Academy of Science, University of Pennsylvania, Genentech, and Roche.