Tips on Tipping
EXCLUSIVE: Includes an Insider’s perspective.
Trent Armstrong
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Tips on Tipping
I received an interesting question recently about tipping at a restaurant, so I’ve got some tips on tipping and even an insider’s perspective on how your tip is received.
Listener Kristin writes:
Hi Modern Manners Guy,
What is the real way to determine the tip at a restaurant?
I was a waitress a long time ago and was taxed on a portion of my tips so I always pay the tip on the full amount, including tax. However, some of my friends pay it on the subtotal before tax. Which is correct?
Personally, I give 15% most of the time, 20% when the service is outstanding (refill drinks without asking), or have been to the restaurant many times and know the staff. If the service is bad, I generally give a 10% tip.
Thank you for the email, Kristin. I’m glad you’re interested in clearing this up. Frankly, I have never encountered anyone who tips on the subtotal before adding in the tax.
Money Matters
BUT I’m certainly not the financial expert of the Quick and Dirty Tips Network so I went straight to Money Girl with this part of question. Here’s what she had to say:
I have always respected the fact that waitstaff make their living from tips, not from wages. I understand why some people would not want to calculate tips based on the post-tax, higher, grand total… especially in states that have a relatively high sales tax rate. However, I personally have always been in the habit of figuring 15-20% on the post-tax amount. If the bill includes a lot of wine or drinks, I will tip on the lower end of that range. Whether you tip pre-tax or post-tax, I think being as generous as possible for good service is the best rule to follow.
Mind Reading or The Disappearing Act
I think Money Girl brought up a critical point there. It seldom goes unnoticed when a member of the waitstaff seems to be reading your mind and providing refills and other services even before you realize you need something. The same can be said for the waiter who disappears only to return after you have made dissatisfied noises to the manager. But in both cases it’s necessary to keep a few other things in mind when considering how you tip.
Self-Examination
First, was there anything unusual about your party?
Sometimes we have special requests that have the waitstaff jumping through hoops and then consider it failure when everything isn’t perfect. It’s also fairly normal for a group of friends or family to become engrossed in conversation and frivolity only to ignore the waiter when he is making an effort to look after the table.
Insider’s Perspective
I talked recently with a friend who waits tables. I asked her about the potential misconception of tipping someone under or over the typical percentage in order to send a message. Most of us think that tipping poorly for bad service will convey our frustration with the way we’ve been treated. However, the flip side of that is seldom true. How many of us actually think of tipping 30% or more for really good service?
My friend indicated that tipping under the customary 15% is usually seen as just being cheap. It’s a good way to get yourself an untoward nickname, and I’m sure you’ll be disappointed to know that it’s almost never seen as an encouragement for the waiter to improve the service he gives the next customer. If you tip that way frequently, your reputation will precede you and soon YOUR manners will be in question instead of the waiter’s.
Waiters Are People Too
Also, and I know it’s hard to fathom this, waiters and waitresses are actual people and might even have a bad day now and again. Being as polite to the waitstaff as you would like them to be with you is imperative. I’m not implying that you should excuse poor service. Mentioning something to the manager should be your first priority, and choose your words carefully, not out of anger. Your genuine concern for the success of the business will encourage the manager to work with that waiter or waitress on improving their performance. Otherwise, it’s just a bunch of people getting chewed out and going home mad.
The Sum(mary)
Now that we’ve finally gotten to the tipping part of the meal, look back to Money Girl’s advice and find your comfort zone within that 15% to 20% range. If the service at one of your favorite restaurants has truly been atrocious, bring it to the manager’s attention and look to build a relationship with the people at that restaurant. Those who want to improve will, and those who don’t will be gone soon anyway. Your politeness will soon set you apart from the other patrons, and I’m pretty sure your service will only improve.
Thank you for listening to the Modern Manners Guy’s Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life. And a big thanks to Money Girl for her insight. You can find more from Money Girl at qdnow.com. Transcripts of this show can be found online at manners.quickanddirtytips.com.Â
Keep sending your questions and comments to manners@quickanddirtytips.comcreate new email. The Modern Manners Guy is part of the Quick and Dirty Tips Network, which has released its first book–Grammar Girl’s Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing. Order it now anywhere books are sold.
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