What Manners Mean to Me
Trent Armstrong passes the torch to a new Modern Manners Guy
Trent Armstrong
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What Manners Mean to Me
I would like to take a few moments of your time to, one, offer a heartfelt farewell to all of you as I move out of the manners seat here at the Quick and Dirty Tips Network, and, two, wax nostalgic about manners as a way to celebrate the time I was able to have as your Modern Manners Guy.
A Brief History of the Modern Manners Guy
It seems like not too long ago that I and my co-hosts of The MannersCast were asked to take over the mannerly duties of the Modern Manners Guy, but now it is time for me to pass the torch to your next Modern Manners Guy. I will miss the interactions I have had with you all, and I have enjoyed getting to know you and sharing in this modern manners conversation that has hopefully spilled over into your lives as it has into my own.
You see, I was raised in the deep south of the United States– Montgomery, Alabama to be exact. Though, I am proud to be a Southerner who was taught manners from a very early age, I still remember that while I was growing up there were still words and actions that made the Old South deplorable. I can only hope that I am an example of the New South– a place that is defined by compassion and a desire to treat others even better than we treat ourselves–a lifestyle that extends far beyond the borders of any Southern state and of any country. Manners are a choice that we each can make– that we each must make if we are going to leave a legacy for our children that they will be proud to pass on to our grandchildren.
The Essence of Manners
Unless I am teaching manners to my child, manners are only how I act around others. I must have said it one hundred times, “Manners are about making others feel important.” Manners are not about me deciding who is or is not being mannerly around me and trying to correct their behavior. People see how we act, and actions are much louder than words. Trying to force your friend to chew with his or her mouth closed or make that friend feel guilty for not writing that thank-you note is not mannerly on your part. Your humility and consistent example will speak volumes.
But should your mannerly example seem invisible to those around you, remember that you are not being mannerly to teach others how to be mannerly– that may or may not happen. Your are being mannerly because you value those with whom you work or live or play. And it’s also your job to realize when you have been unmannerly and to work on rectifying the situation as well as improving yourself for future situations.
Sometimes manners involve you going out of your way for someone else, sometimes manners involve being stern but polite, sometimes manners are not appreciated, but manners are always appropriate and always imperative.
Teach Manners to the Young Ones in Your Life
I’m having a fantastic time going with my family to our neighbors’ house for English tea. My 5-year-old is learning so much about interacting in that environment, and the lessons he’s learning will begin to stick in his little mind and come out in other situations.
We are teaching him the importance of others by telling him that girls go first, so when his conversation with a little girl over who would be the counter in a game of hide-and-seek heated up, I only had to ask him who goes first. He promptly stated, “Girls go first,” and he went off to hide. Whether you personally believe that girls should go first is not the point. What is the point is that my wife and I are setting and reinforcing examples of putting others first– which is almost never a bad thing.
So if you have a young person in your life, teach them etiquette so they can feel important, teach them how important others are so they can make those around them feel important, and teach them humility by showing it in the way you treat that young person and in the way you treat others– even when you think their little eyes aren’t watching.
Summary
Manners are a deep part of my life. I talk about manners, write about manners, podcast about manners, and, sadly, even forget my manners sometimes. However, I would be honored if you would join with me in trying to make ourselves better at making others feel important.
Thank you for joining me for this installment of The Modern Manners Guy’s Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life.
If you have any comments or questions, join the discussion over on The Modern Manners Guy Facebook page! Stop by, get involved, share your manners stories, and offer a mannerly welcome to your new Modern Manners Guy, whose first episode will, conveniently enough, be all about Facebook manners!
The Modern Manners Guy is part of the Quick and Dirty Tips Network.
Manners image courtesy of Shutterstock