What to Say When a Coworker Asks, “Should I Quit?”
How do you advise a coworker regarding taking another job? Lisa B. Marshall, aka The Public Speaker, will tell you how to handle that sticky situation to the advantage of both parties.
Lisa B. Marshall
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What to Say When a Coworker Asks, “Should I Quit?”
I recently received this request for advice.
Dear Lisa,
Thanks for your wonderful podcasts, they’re really quick and helpful.
I thought you might consider the following for an episode: I often get asked by less senior colleagues for advice as to whether they should accept a job offer in another place and move. I try to give sincere advice as much as I can, based on the information I am given and comparing the other company to ours, even though I would love that person to stay as they are sometimes critical for the business and for me!
How would you handle such a situation? Would you give advice in a very explicit way, as in, “If I were you, I would definitely accept the new offer and resign right away,” or would you be more on the indirect side, something like, “I am not sure but I think you should really think about it”?
Could you please provide your valuable input?
Why People Quit
First of all, I’d like to commend you for your honest desire to help another person, even if you would find your job more difficult if the person left. This demonstrates that you are a good and sincere person, and people obviously trust you.
Being asked to give advice like this can be uncomfortable, especially if you are in a very senior leadership position and the asker is a star employee. Talent flee can be painful. A strong contributor can leave a big hole in an organization.
Employees voluntarily leaving is usually a sign of a stronger job market, since it shows employee willingness and ability to leave and find better jobs. An April 2015 CNN money article reported US government statistics that indicated a trend of workers who are voluntarily quitting.
It’s interesting that you say you’re often asked by coworkers if they should take another position, but in your example you didn’t include the option, “I think you should stay here.” If you’re asked this question often, and you haven’t considered saying “don’t leave!” could it be that your company doesn’t really have a good pay or perk plan? Is that why they’re leaving? If so, perhaps it’s time for the company to think about what more needs to be done so that employees don’t start looking for new jobs. After all, employee turnover is costly in terms of time, productivity, and recruiting expenses. According to a Wall Street Journal guide, companies should consider strategies to retain employees, including competitive benefits, perks, contests, and interestingly “stay interviews”—that is, conversations with long-term employees to ask them why they stay, what makes them stay, and what would make them leave.
On the other hand, it might be best to encourage a disatisfied worker to leave. In fact, Amazon offers workers up to $5,000 to quit. Of course, the original idea came from Zappos (an online shoe site acquired by Amazon in 2009). The idea is that by encouraging unhappy to people to leave, the ones that remain are those who are more dedicated to their jobs. In addition, this type of policy encourages managers to make better hiring decisions to begin with. (However, generally these types of offers are aimed at the individual contributor level and typically in area of customer service.)
What to Say When Asked
Ultimately, however, unless you’re the CEO or COO, it’s unlikely you have control over the hiring and benefit policies of your organization. And I suspect that your question is more of a personal dilemma: “Do I give specific advice or general advice?” Or perhaps your underlying question is, “Should I encourage a strong performer to stay when it may be in their personal best interest to leave (and in the best interest of the company to stay)?”
The problem is that the employee has put you in a difficult position. Perhaps the best response is neither of the options you suggest, but to simply say that because of your position and the impact it has on your work, you may not be the best person to ask. Perhaps you could recommend another person—outside of your company—who could provide an objective analysis and perspective. That way, you’re serving the interests of the employee (and supporting your relationship) while at the same time not specifically suggesting something that may ultimately have a negative impact on you or your organization.
If you feel you really want to provide advice, I would suggest that instead of giving your specific opinion, focus on helping the person to identify and discuss the key questions to ask when making this decision. That is, suggest he ask himself some important questions: Is the new company culture a good fit? Will I be able to grow and evolve? Is the new boss is talented—someone that will help you to advance your career? What about the rest of the team? How often are performance and salary reviews? How will the commute affect me? What level of autonomy will I have? What about the overall history, stability, and reputation of the company? These are all very crucial considerations. You could help by providing whatever knowledge you have that could help the person make a better decision.
Another thing for the employee to consider is how much the interview process has impacted his mindset. What I mean is that after going through a long interview process selling yourself to another company, it can have a negative impact on how you are feeling about your current position. The person may have been perfectly happy in their currently role. She may not even have been looking—maybe she got actively recruited by a competing organization. In this type of situation, the employee was happy, but simply going through the interview process made her realize that things could be better. The main thing you want to address with the employee … has the interview process caused him to “check-out”… if so, then, the advise is easy—take the other job (or keep looking for something new). No one wants to work with someone that has mentally checked out.
Ultimately, it’s very difficult for another person to give specidic “stay or go” advice, because the job seeker is really the only one who can decide if a new opportunity is the right move or not.
So, bottom line: be a sounding board for your coworker as he works out these answers for himself. He may find it’s best to stay with your company or he may decide to leave. Either way, you have served his interests and the company’s interest by helping to make the best decision possible. 
This is Lisa B. Marshall helping you to lead and influence. If you’d like to learn more about compelling communication, I invite you to read my bestselling books, Smart Talk and Ace Your Interview, and listen to my other podcast, Smart Talk. As always, your success is my business.
Image courtesy of Shutterstock.
About the Author
Lisa B. Marshall Lisa holds masters with duel degrees in interpersonal/intercultural communication and organizational communication. She’s the author of Smart Talk: The Public Speaker’s Guide to Success in Every Situation, as well as Ace Your Interview, Powerful Presenter, and Expert Presenter. Her work has been featured in CBS Money Watch, Ragan.com, Woman’s Day, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, and many others. Her institutional clients include Johns Hopkins Medicine, Harvard University, NY Academy of Science, University of Pennsylvania, Genentech, and Roche.