How to Handle Special Meal Requests

There are a wide array of things to consider when planning an event like a dinner party, wedding, or other gathering that includes a meal. Who should attend? Buffet or served? But one of the trickiest issues to deal with can be how to handle picky eaters.

It’s not necessarily important for a host to cater to every whim of every guest, but it is important for both host and guest to understand the issues and work together to make the event special for everyone.

How to Handle Special Meal Requests

When inviting your guests to your event, offer an opportunity for each person to inform you of foods they cannot eat for religious, ethical, or medical reasons. Being vegan, gluten intolerant, or deathly allergic to peanuts are all serious dietary restrictions that any good host should want to be made aware of. Simple food preferences– like someone just not liking green vegetables–are not serious and can be ignored. You may still fix your broccoli and let the fussy-eater just eat around it.

Request Dietary Information from Guests

For more low-key events, like dinner parties, I’ve heard of the dinner host offering a sort of “food veto power” to guests. The guests are not allowed to make broad, sweeping requests like “make the meal Lean Bodies-friendly” unless there is some major health risk at play. But it is within the veto rules for someone to mention an aversion to fish or that they have given up fried foods for Lent. As the party planner, you might accept one veto from each person, but being a complete pushover will likely ruin the menu for everyone. It is, in fact, your dinner party.

If you already know what kinds of things your guests won’t be able to eat or will like, then you won’t need to ask them; but if you’re having friends over for the first time, it might be a good idea to send a quick e-mail asking if they have any allergies or other food restrictions before you plan the menu.

How to Handle Your Own Dietary Concerns

As the party planner, you might accept one veto from each person but being a complete pushover will likely ruin the menu for everyone.

If you’re the guest with special dietary concerns, offer to bring a dish you are able to eat and then share with the other guests. It is quite appropriate for a vegetarian to ask if he or she might bring a vegetarian dish, such as quiche or eggplant parmesan. Just be sure to bring enough for everyone to have some.

You will, at some point, probably find yourself at a meal where there is something to which you are not accustomed. Make the effort to be adventurous! I try at least one bite of everything I’m served just to make sure I haven’t developed a taste for it yet. Hence, I’m now quite fond of butternut squash and would not have ever known had I not given it a shot while dining at a friend’s home.

I catch a lot of grief for not being very fond of seafood. I have family who are from south Louisiana, and it’s almost impossible to walk ten feet without seeing a crawfish. It was obvious what was on the menu when I attended my first Crawfish Boil. In the spirit of the festivities, I spent the better part of an hour peeling and eating a food I never dreamed I would put in my mouth. Had I declined, everyone would have survived, but I wouldn’t have tried something new and might not have discovered that I do, in fact, favor fried alligator, myself.

Special Food Requests at Wedding Receptions and Event Dinners

Now, let’s look at more formal situations. When sending invitations for a rehearsal dinner or wedding reception, it is proper etiquette to include a section on the RSVP for choosing an entrée– for example, beef, chicken, or fish. You may also include a line for special dietary requests and then heed those special requests that are serious and not along the lines of “pepperoni pizza” or “absolutely no vegetables.” Making that polite concession will help your guests who actually do have legitimate dietary concerns feel more at ease when attending the event.

Most caterers will have an alternative meal they can prepare. Simply make sure to inform the caterer of the table where the meal will be needed to ward off confusion.

Guests Should Respond Promptly and Politely to the RSVP

A very important part of this equation is that the guest actually respond politely and within the alloted time frame. Failure to do so removes the responsibility from the host and places it squarely on the guest to act graciously in the situation–even to the point of making sure the host doesn’t even know there is an issue.

Summary

The host and the guest both have responsibility when it comes to special meal requests. It is important for the host to make the effort create an enjoyable meal for the guest, and  it is equally important for the guest to make the effort to enjoy said meal. But, in the end, it’s about spending time together. Relax the pressure on each other and, as the cajuns say, “pass a good time!”

Remember that if you have any comments or questions you may email me The Modern Manners Guy at manners@quickanddirtytips.com or post them on my Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter. Drop by, join the discussions, and let us know about your manners situations.

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