How to Handle Yourself Politely in a Conflict

Modern Manners Guy here with a look at debate manners! Well, I’m really just calling it a debate. It’s probably just you getting tired of listening to that person at work or the gym or your child’s play date go on and on about things that you certainly know are just not true. Do you laugh condescendingly and show them the error of their ways? Do you flip out and staple their necktie to their forehead? Do you yell words not fit for a sailor? I’m certainly not condoning those actions, but in a moment I’ll have some advice that I do condone.

Conflict Manners

All right! Let’s get a little situation going here. We’ll say that you are at some sort of party for your club– maybe you’re even the president of the club! You’ve thought long and hard about what you are talking about– plans you have for the club. And right in the middle of your thoughts, someone steps up to you and shouts out something like, “You lie!” What do you do?

Or maybe you are the parent of a child who is having an “off” day, and just as you are rounding up your kid someone lays a rude comment on you about how awful your child is. The best part is that they spring this and then walk off.

What do you do if someone is being praised for something and you think someone else deserves the award? Do you get up and snatch the microphone so your opinion can be heard? These kinds of things happen to us a lot, so it’s best to be prepared in order to handle the situation with dignity and grace.

Club President Manners

Okay, so some “Joe” has just called you a liar. Do not– I repeat– do not jump out of your skin and pound them into submission with your fists or with a tongue lashing. Take a moment, compose yourself and continue with what you were saying. You will show those around you that you are unflappable and will win points with them. Also, the person who has just busted your chops will likely be stunned that you did not retaliate.

Should this heckler not back down, do not engage in an argument with them. Move away, change the subject, or simply be quiet. The simpleton will get tired of talking at some point. Trying to trip them up or outwit them will probably make you look rude and petty. Someone (possibly Mark Twain) once said, “Never argue with a fool; onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.”

Don’t stop there though.

There are certain things that you should do as follow-up.  Think back to what was said to you and make sure there isn’t any truth in it. Just because it was a buffoon who made the comment doesn’t mean it was unfounded. Examine yourself and your ideas so you become a better person.

Secondly, do not speak ill of the jerk who yelled at you. Keep your criticisms to yourself and let his or her actions speak to their own fatheadedness.

Manners for The Hapless Parent

What if you’re the hapless parent who’s been caught in public with a child who is having a meltdown? Someone fussing at you and badmouthing your precious baby is going to heighten your anxiety and will probably give you a Texas-sized dose of anger.

Please do not retaliate. You lashing out at this stranger is the last thing anyone needs to see. Just because the other person has been disrespectful doesn’t mean you should be too.

This situation happens at little league games all the time. Competitive parents lose their cool and can start a yelling match at the drop of a fly ball. Again, if someone begins yelling at you in any situation don’t retaliate. And certainly do not let the situation devolve into each of you swinging your fists at each other’s faces. Self defense is appropriate but striking anyone out of anger is a show of weakness and immaturity.

Manners of Defending Others

Now it’s time to address our last situation. You’re just sitting there minding your own business when you suddenly feel like someone has gotten recognition for something, and you completely disagree! The feeling that someone has been disrespected can develop into strong emotions and can cause someone to do something that might be embarrassing for everyone.

If you are the one who is offended that the wrong person is being recognized, hold your tongue in the moment. Many times, things like these can be solved by you, the offended party, taking a breather or even sleeping on it. Decide if it’s crucial for you to say something. If not, just let it go. If you feel there should be a recount or you just need to be heard, go through the appropriate channels. Don’t use gossip to make your point. Keep your mouth closed so you don’t stick your foot in it.  Then write a letter or schedule a meeting. And try to take the high road.

Defending someone’s honor is always admirable. But doing so in the wrong way can backfire big time. Just ask a certain rap star whose name rhymes with shmanye. Your reaction to conflict is like pulling back the drapes on your manners and exposing them for what they really are. Do they run deep in your veins or are your manners simply a show to be cast off when you feel like the gloves need to come off?

If you happen to be the one slighted in this scenario, take the lead of a certain teenage country music star and be swift to patience. Graciously accept the praise you are due and ignore the distractions. Your poise in this conflict will speak volumes of your character.

Administration

Thanks for listening to this episode of The Modern Manners Guy’s Quick and Dirty Tips for a More Polite Life. 

Did you know that credit card companies will negotiate with you and reduce your debt load if you are facing a financial crisis?  This is just one of the tips in the new Quick and dirty Tips audiobook, Money Girl’s 10 Steps to a Debt Free Life by Laura Adams.  You can get it now on iTunes or Audible.com.

Remember that if you have any comments or questions you may email me The Modern Manners Guy at manners@quickanddirtytips.com. And don’t forget to become a fan of the podcast on Facebook. Drop by, join the discussions, and let us know about your manners situations. You’ll find a link to my Facebook group at manners.quickanddirtytips.com.

The Modern Manners Guy is part of the Quick and Dirty Tips Network.

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