How To Remember Names
and faces too!
Today’s topic is connecting names and faces. The quick and dirty tip is to use your internal motivation, visual recognition and memory, and auditory repetition to connect faces with names.
A listener calls in:
My name is Chris and I have a question regarding remembering names and putting them with faces. While I can remember faces very well, I have difficulty putting names with faces.
Thanks so much for calling in. I feel your pain, Joe. Bill. Er, Ferdinand. Well, whatever your name is, it’s a good question.
Our name confusion starts young. You see a man and woman looming over you. He keeps saying, “Da Da.” She keeps saying “Ma Ma.” You’re too young to know they’re using your first word as a symbolic power struggle that will come to characterize their marriage for the next three decades. It will eventually fund three therapists adding entire additions to their homes. But all you think at the time is, “What great people. They’re trying to teach me!”
But hey, you’re zero. You don’t get it, yet, and it’s confusing. Is he named Dada? Or is he trying to tell you that her name is DaDa? Then the phone rings. They hold it up, point to the phone, and say “Grandma! It’s Grandma!” … Oh, isn’t that helpful? That clears everything right up.
You Have to Care About Remembering Names
Some people get it right from an early age. I once met a church minister who remembered names. I mean, really remembered names. She met me once for about 30 seconds. A year later I met her again and she said, “Stever! Great to see you again.” It felt so good, I had to check and look–I wasn’t even wearing a name tag. So I instantly said, “Please, can we talk?” in a slightly wounded-sounding voice of a supplicant in need. They always fall for the supplicant-in-need thing. She said “Yes,” and I immediately quizzed her on how she remembered names.
When she was a young girl of eight, she knew she wanted to be of service to people. And her minister told her, “The most important thing you can do for another human is help them feel valued. And one of the best ways to do that is to remember their name.” He hooked it right into her little-girl life mission. Fortunately, she was still young enough that a substantial portion of her brain rewired itself in an instant, turning her into a crack name memorizer.
That’s the first key to name memorizing: you have to care enough so you stop, really engage your full attention, and take the time to do it right.
Find a Visual Hook: Find Something Unique About a Person
From what I understand, many of the best name memorizers use a visual hook. Really look at the person and notice what stands out for you. Is it the shape of her jaw? Her eyes? Physical features that don’t change much probably work best. Hairstyles come and go, and goodness knows, clothes appear and vanish all the time.
Concentrate on what makes the person distinctive for you. As you do, imagine the name tattooed on that body part. I use the forehead. I used to use other body parts, but sometimes people had other names tattooed on those body parts. I’d remember those names, instead. People don’t like it when you call them by an ex’s name that they couldn’t afford to get lasered off.
Once I have the mental image in place, I actually imagine the sound of a camera shutter going off. >>ka-chick<< Then clear your mind, look back at the person, and make sure the name comes up.
Say Their Name Out Loud
To help bring it home, also use their name out loud one or two times, preferably while you shake their hand or have other physical contact. Memory works better when you engage more senses, and this way, you’re hearing it, seeing it, and feeling it.
I once helped check in about 100 people for a workshop and managed to memorize about 85 of their names by the time check-in was done. Since I don’t do it very often, I find I have to make a conscious effort, but it works when I put in the effort.
Associate the Person With a Story
If these are people you’ll be seeing over and over, or whom you know more about, you can also build more of a story in your mind. Have you ever noticed that when your friends tell you for months about that smart, attractive, desirable “Pat” who would be just perfect for you, when you’re finally introduced, you remember the name right away? That’s because you’ve already built up a mental context around the name. It was a simple matter to dropping in the face.
If you nonetheless forget a name, and you have a friend around, have your friend introduce him or herself and ask for the other person’s name where you can overhear it. If you’re alone and have no other choice, I find it’s often best simply to admit it. “I’m sorry, could you remind me of your name? It’s very important to me. My … condition … makes it impossible for me to remember names.” If they ask about the condition, you can apologetically say, “Oh, my … condition … makes it impossible for me to remember the name of my condition. I’m so sorry.”
If all else fails, try repeating their name a lot and relying on repetition. Repetition, repetition, repetition. This is Stever. Stever Robbins. Stever. Stever, Stever, Stever.
Thank you Jim, Kristen, Evelyn, Jackie, Steven, Marty, Wendy, Pam, Marissa, Katie, and Amy for chiming in on the subject at blog.steverrobbins.com/getitdoneguy .
This is (remember?) Stever Robbins. Email questions to getitdone@quickanddirtytips.comcreate new email or leave voicemail at 866-WRK-LESS. Conquer your email with my audio program You Are Not Your Inbox: Overcoming Email overload at YouAreNotYourInbox.com
Work Less, Do More, and have a Great Life!
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