How to Deal With a Groomonster?
Richie Frieman
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How to Deal With a Groomonster?
Last week’s episode, How to Deal With a Bridezilla? resulted in many emails sent my way containing horror stories from bridesmaids and friends who were scorched by the wrath of the bridezilla. But the bridezilla does not always work alone. Sometimes she has a male counterpart, known as the groomonster. And as promised, I’m here to shed light on this rare species of man who can ruin that special day with his unmannerly ways. .
For those who have never met a groomonster before, hold onto your hats, because I’m about to drop some knowledge that may shock you. Did you think all men were laid back slugs who couldn’t care less about what they wear, let alone if you serve buttered roses or butter squares at their wedding? Not true!
In fact, some men take their wedding day very seriously and display the same crazy qualities as their bridezilla counterparts. That’s why you may find yourself having to put up with their obnoxiousness when asked to be part of their big day. So before you decide to partake in the planning of your bud’s big day, check out my top 3 Quick and Dirty Tips for how to properly handle a groomonster.
Tip #1: The Warning
There is a little something that us guys call the “Bro Code” which is a bond of promises and loyalty. In short, the Bro Code can be summed up as, “Don’t disrespect your fellow man in any way and always be there for them when they need you.”
This code works like a tree, consisting of long branches covering an array of topics such as relationships, friendships, money, and others. Due to this code, men are allowed to be brutally honest with one another and not hold grudges after the fact. So if a guy is being a jerk, the Bro Code allows us to be upfront with them right out of the gate. When it comes to weddings, it’s pretty easy to tell which friend will be a handful.
We all have that one friend who is always more stressed or high strung than the rest of us. The one that’s wound so tight, it would take a dozen masseuses to iron out the tension in his neck. So when this friend asks you to be a part of his wedding, expect a groomonster to creep its way out.
Recognizing this ahead of time – and nipping it in the bud – will save you a boat load of trouble down the line. Simply put it out there, “Dude, we know this will be stressful, so just don’t take it out on us, okay? We’re only here to help.” He may give you an eye roll that says, “Come on…me?” and you should give it right back, “Yes…you!” Deep down the potential groomonster knows that he can be a tough character, but it may take some open conversation to remind and warn him that insanity will not be tolerated. This is the luxury of the Bro Code – it allows for this type of communication with no strings attached, and no grudges, just as long as it’s done properly and early on.
Tip #2: A Band of Brothers
I have had the amazing opportunity to be the best man and groomsman on more than one occasion. Each wedding – as well as bridal party – was different, and each time I had a blast because the groomsmen I was with were all on the same page. It didn’t matter what we wore or what time we had to be somewhere – the groom called and we answered.
Unfortunately, this was not the case with a friend of mine who had to deal with one heck of a groomonster. Not only was this guy bullying everyone, he was actually physically intimidating at 6’5” and over 250 lbs. When he says jump, most people say how high. Even though his groomsmen were his best friends (some even siblings) it didn’t stop him from making outrageous demands right and left. Similar to my advice in How to Deal With a Bridezilla?, the groomonster needs to be brought down to earth.
The groomsmen must band together and form a united front in order to confront the groomonster about his behavior. If a lone guy were to complain to the groomonster, the beast would of course say, “I’m being difficult? No, you are! Now get to it!” But when confronted with a band of brothers, it’s hard for the groomonster to dispute your point.
Men travel in packs – it’s in our nature – and our “boys” help us make very important life decisions. So if everyone tells you you’re wrong, you tend to get the picture much clearer than if just one friend said, “You are being a jerk, right now.” If a groomonster is getting totally out of control, band together and confront him to point it out. If you all agree, it will help him see the light, and maybe even chill out a bit.
Tip #3: Remind Them – You’re Here To Help
In my episode on bridezillas, I discussed three tips that went in order of how people gradually lose their cool with bridezillas: go with the flow, vent to others, let ‘em have it. I titled Tip #3 “The Last Straw” and to guys, that usually means a quick exchange of curse words where the gist is simply “Cool it, bro.”
I spoke to a few groomonsters and they said that their own frustration came from to the stress of making sure their bride’s needs were met. And if you mess that up, well you have a heavy load of man-rage coming at you. It’s very sweet and admirable…to a point. In the groom’s mind, you’re either on their team or against them, regardless of the crazy demands their lovely bridezilla was imposing. However, that does not mean that just because a groomonster is stressed out or nervous, they get to treat their fellow “bros” like dirt.
I’ve always advocated confronting someone in the act of being unmannerly, rather than going back and referencing an instance in the past when they were rude to you. it just has much more impact in the moment. So when a groomonster asks you to drive 6 hours out of your way to pick up some rare aromatherapy oil that will be sprinkled on the bride’s train before the ceremony, take this as an opportunity to sit your groomonster down and tell him that you will not tolerate their bullish behavior anymore. “Look bud, I know you’re stressed and this is important but you have to chill out now! You’re going to piss off people who are here to help you if you keep throwing out these ridiculous demands.”
And then, as guys do, have a moment of heart to heart to remind the frazzled groomonster that you are here to help. Try something like, “Trust me, I don’t want this day to be badly either. We’re all in this together. But we have to be reasonable.” By reassuring the groomonster with a heavy dose of reality, you will be sure to pull off the perfect big day.
Try to stay calm and don’t curse, however, if that’s what it takes to grab the groomonster by the horns, so be it.
Do you have a great story about a groomonster? Post all the details in the comment section of the Modern Manners Guy web site or on the Modern Manners Guy Facebook page.
As always, if you have another manners question, I look forward to hearing from you at manners@quickanddirtytips.comcreate new email. Follow me on Twitter @MannersQDT, and of course, check back next week for more Modern Manners Guy tips for a more polite life.
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