How to Give the Proper Wedding Toast
Learn 3 tips for giving a proper wedding toast and find out what not to do.
Richie Frieman
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How to Give the Proper Wedding Toast
This past June, I had the honor of being the best man at my brother-in-law’s wedding. His wife has a huge family–most of whom I had never met–so I was nervous about making sure I would A) uphold my title as the best man and B) give a speech that even those who I didn’t know could still appreciate. I am happy to say that I pulled it off… even when I made a couple jokes aimed at the hometown crowd’s favorite sports teams. If you want to follow in my footsteps and be remembered for your good toast—not your disastrous one, read on.
How to Give the Proper Wedding Toast
My wedding toast went well, however, there are many, MANY times in which it can go south faster than an etiquette class taught by the cast of Jersey Shore. So, in this episode I will give you my top 3 tips on how to pull off the proper wedding toast, as well as what not to do.
Proper Wedding Toast Tip #1: Leave the Skeletons In the Closet
It is beyond rude to use a wedding toast as the time to divulge information about either member of the happy couple that will make their mother sob, “My baby did WHAT!?!” Don’t get me wrong, it’s always funny to tell an embarrassing story that others may not know, but it has to be done with class—which means nothing inappropriately embarrassing. For example, one story I told about my buddy Joe was how he punted a basketball into the stands at a college basketball game after having just missed a free throw worth $10,000. It was hilarious and everyone got a good kick out of it (no pun intended).
What’s inappropriately embarrassing? Well, here’s an example: even if the groom was the biggest stud on campus do NOT use his wedding as the place to tell the guests about how many girls he’s–ahem–“dated.” Even worse would be to end it with, “Am I right ladies? I mean half of the bridal party knows what I’m talking about!”
Let the personal stuff stay between you and your friends. It is highly improper to humiliate the couple–let alone the parents of the bride or groom.
Proper Wedding Toast Tip #2: If You Aren’t Funny, Don’t Try To Be
One big misconception about giving a wedding toast is that you have to be funny. That couldn’t be further from the truth. The proper wedding toast comes in two acceptable forms: the sincere and the humorous. Sometimes it’s good to combine the two, but if you are not so good with one, then by all means don’t use this time as your opportunity to try it out.
People can sense when you are not comfortable; and when you deliver an awkward joke that lands about as soft as a sumo wrestler on a trampoline, everyone will know it. If you feel better speaking eloquently about the happy couple, then go for it. If you need ideas, buy a poetry or quote book and use some lines that work for the couple and the occasion. Or choose a certain song lyric you feel really represents the couple. People will appreciate a thoughtful wedding toast just as much as one that makes people laugh. In the end, you’ll get a nice round of applause even if you didn’t get laughs. If you do want to tell jokes, have your friends help out. Or as I said in a previous article, “What Do After Sending An Embarrassing Text Or Email,” you can always ask me–I’m happy to help!
Proper Wedding Toast, Tip #3: Be Sober
The speeches for my brother-in-law’s wedding didn’t come until 12:30 AM. The cocktail hour started at 8, and the open bar reception at 9:30. Despite my avatar holding a martini glass, the Modern Manners Guy is a lightweight. That said, when presented with an open bar, I generally take advantage. But because I didn’t want to give my toast, uh, toasted, I paced myself.
Now, that can sometimes not be the case. At a friend’s wedding, his obnoxious older brother gave the worst best man speech I have ever heard. It was so rude, they deleted it from their video! His brother swore he was sober but when he grabbed that microphone he approached the situation as his long awaited chance to tell his parents–and the bride–how he really feels. In his ten-minute rant he did everything but spike the microphone on the ground and moon the entire party. I have a feeling his good friends Jack Daniels, Jose Cuervo, and even Capt. Morgan helped him write the speech.
In the end, when it comes time to give the proper wedding toast, you don’t want to take the focus away from the bride and groom. It’s not your time to shine and not your moment of glory. It’s theirs. There was a lot of planning, money and anticipation on the day so don’t ruin by telling everyone about how your friend’s booger collection in college. Leave that one for the after party.
Do you have a great story about a wedding toast you gave or one you heard? Post them on my Modern Manners Guy Facebook page so we can all laugh with you. As always, if you have another manners question, I’m look forward to hearing from you so drop me a line at manners@quickanddirtytips.comcreate new email. As well, don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @ MannersQDT. And of course, check back next week for more Modern Manners Guy tips.
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