How to Properly Handle a Break Up
Is there a proper way to handle being dumped?
Love is a wonderful thing. Love has inspired artwork, music, movies, and makes Hallmark a billion dollars a week. No matter how hard or long it takes you to discover love, the feeling of knowing someone else cares for you is like walking on clouds… while eating cake… with doves flying overhead … with Here Comes The Sun playing in the background.
But just when you think the person on your screen saver only has eyes for you, you realize that–as of last night–you are now back to saying the words, “Table for one, please.” But before you go tossing your computer out the window or doing something less than mannerly that you will soon regret, remember that there are ways to handle things properly.
How to Properly Handle a Break Up
First of all let’s establish one key point here; no matter how cheesy it sounds, you will fall in love again–trust me. I don’t care if your special someone was just in People Magazine’s Sexiest People Alive edition, you will go on. After all, as my grandmother once told me, “Sometimes the wrapper was sweeter than the candy”; which means, of course, not everyone is as great as they seem on the outside. Granted, she was telling me this in reference to my having just confessed my true love for Alyssa Milano* back in the Who’s The Boss? days, but it was still a lesson learned.
#Please, no offense Alyssa, I’m sure you are very nice but I was 11 at the time; it was her way of letting me down easy.
So with that, check out my top three quick and dirty ways to properly handle a breakup with grace, poise, good manners, and above of all else–maturity. Having manners in your everyday life is incredibly important, and dealing with such a hard to handle event like this will test your manners threshold like never before.
Note: For the sake of this column, let’s all assume that since we are all adults, the person you were in love with at least had the courtesy to do so in person. If they didn’t… well, I’ll tackle that in another article soon. Here’s a quick preview though – they stink! But I digress…
The Proper Way to Handle A Breakup Tip #1: Don’t Ask Why, WHY, WHYYYYY!?!?!
I know, I know, you thought you two would last forever. I know, I know, he said he had never met someone like you before. And I know, I know, you made plans for next summer already. Basically, all was bliss until the fatal words “It’s not working out for me anymore,” were uttered and your heart dropped ten floors below. In such haste, I beg you, do not react like Jerry Maguire and “flip out!”
The answer: once you find out the relationship is over, the proper thing to do is kindly say goodbye and be on your way. Impossible? Why do this? One, do you really want to have to convince them not to dump you? No! They have already made up their mind. And two, leaving and not sitting around to hear them stumble over a probably well-rehearsed explanation will be such a hit to their ego; it would make a UFC fighter drop to his knees. Walk away and don’t look back. Then once you get home, hit the cheesecake.
The Proper Way to Handle A Breakup Tip #2: Don’t Sit Around And Wait
This is a very tough rule to follow but I promise you if you don’t sit around and wait, assuming they are coming back, you will be better for it. I don’t want to say that people can’t break up and get back together–I did! But at the time, you have to be in the mind frame that this part of your life is just another closed chapter in your long storied romantic history.
I say this because you can’t always assume time will make someone change. And it’s poor manners to even try to change someone just for your own gain. Change has to be mutual. Don’t sit around hoping they’ll show back on your doorstep with flowers and tearful apology. Leave that for Kate Hudson movies.
The best way to cope: remember how badass you were before you met them–and keep that in mind when your friends take you out to find the next lucky person who gets to call you their loved one.
The Proper Way to Handle A Breakup #3: Come Back So Incredibly Hot It Makes Them Nuts!
Similar to the tip in #2, the best medicine to being dumped is to bounce back with an even better you. I don’t care if you are already a swimsuit model, a multimillionaire athlete, or the owner of vineyards in Napa Valley, everyone can make themselves a better person when faced with something tragic in their lives. Sometimes a life-changing event is a slap on the back of the head that says, “Show them what’s up!” That is the telltale sign of a mature adult, which you are.
Plus, even though it may look like you’re being spiteful and showing – somewhat -poor manners, flaunting Version 2.0 of the new you, in front of Version 1.0 of the old love, is the best way to make them wish they were never foolish enough to leave you in the first place. And there is nothing rude about that.
Do you have a story about how you handled a breakup? Post them on my Modern Manners Guy Facebook page so we can all learn from you. As always if you have another manners question, I’m look forward to hearing from you so drop me a line at manners@quickanddirtytips.comcreate new email. Also, follow me on Twitter with daily updated on manners @MannersQDT. And of course, check back next week for more Modern Manners Guy tips.
Thanks again for reading Modern Manners Guy’s quick and dirty tips for a more polite life.
Break Up image courtesy of Shutterstock