Tips for Building Your Guest Lists
Building a Guest List.
Today’s Topic: Building a Guest List.
When you are building a guest list, many of the same principles apply whether it is for a wedding or a dinner party. Of course, there are some special considerations for major lifetime events, so here are a few pointers to help when sending out invitations.
If you are hosting an event, it is generally your prerogative to decide whom to invite. This is not to say that you should ever use an invitation as a way to make someone feel left out or to be hurtful, but rather that it is your choice to invite the people whom you would like to attend.
Building a Guest List for a Wedding
For weddings, you will generally have to invite immediate family and should want to invite your closest friends. Beyond that, you should feel comfortable exercising discretion in whom you invite. Of course, there are always situations where a parent or close friend wishes you to invite someone you would rather not have on your list, and here you must weigh the hurt feelings of your close family member against your desires for having only a select crowd around you on your special day. It used to be possible to invite guests to the ceremony and not to the reception, but these days it is often perceived as an insult. It is important to discuss and negotiate the guest list with an open mind, and to remind everyone that it is only possible to invite a limited number of guests.
Dinner Party Guest Lists
For other occasions, it can be easier to build your guest list. For dinner parties, invite people whom you like, but also consider how your guests will interact. You might want to invite your cattle rancher friend on a separate night from your cousin the vegan animal rights activist, unless you know that they will be able to talk and debate with an open spirit (in which case they might enjoy the discussion). There is absolutely nothing wrong with bringing together people who have different viewpoints; in fact, this can make the gathering interesting and lively. What you want to avoid is making your guests uncomfortable.
How to Handle Guests That May Not Get Along
When dealing with a rift between friends or family, there are a couple of approaches you may take. If you want to invite the quarreling parties, then let them know about the guest list in advance, and give them the chance to decide if they would prefer not to come. You may also simply alternate between the squabbling pair and maintain harmony that way.
If you feel that you must invite people because of a social obligation, then mix them in with a larger group. But if you truly do not wish to engage with an individual or couple on a social level, then it may be more sincere to stop inviting them over.
Children and Your Guest List
As far as friends with children go, you should be clear about the invitation. There is nothing wrong with having an adults-only dinner, as long as you make it clear to your guests in advance and give them ample time to find a babysitter. For large events like weddings, it is also the bride and groom’s prerogative to decide if they do or do not want children to attend. It is fine to invite children to the ceremony but not the reception, but again make certain that this is clear in advance. You may make it clear by stating something like, “children twelve and over are welcome to attend.” You may want to provide some information about reputable childcare in the vicinity, and of course the best option (if your budget allows) could be to provide childcare at or near the event, so parents can enjoy the event without worry.
Should You Invite Work Friends?
When deciding whether to invite friends from work to a wedding, again remember that it is your special day. You might decide just to invite one or two friends and leave it at that. If you think inviting your boss would lessen your enjoyment of the day, then don’t invite him or her. It may get awkward if you invite everyone else from the office, so use your judgment but remember that the day is for you, your spouse, and close family and friends; there are plenty of other times to think about your career.
So here’s hoping you are surrounded by friends, family, and interesting and unusual people at your table, and thank you for listening to quick and dirty tips for a more polite life.
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