Gaining Buy-In
Get people to buy-in to your ideas by involving them.
Listener Eren writes in:
Sometimes (at school) we need to work in teams (boy, I hate that). A friend comes up with a goofy idea, someone else proposes something incomprehensible, and I have just the right idea. We debate, but at the end we can’t choose, and mixing up our ideas makes it even worse. How can I become the true boss, and try to convince them my idea is truly better?
The quick and dirty tip is to get them to take ownership of the idea as well.
Hi, Eren. You asked “How can I become the true boss?” That depends on what you mean by boss. We live in very strange times. When people become bosses, they start ordering people around. They say, “Write reports! Sweep the floor! Submit your will to mine and let me absorb your soul!” The strangeness is that when their boss said that to them, their response was, “Stuff it,” and they weren’t talking about packing for camping. They hated being ordered around, yet they expect it to work when they’re the one playing dictator.
Being the true boss is not about letting people have your way. It’s about getting the group to move forward, hopefully with the best solution. Let’s say you’re teamed up with a friend for a science fair project, and you’re choosing a topic. You want to see if giving chickens red contact lenses will stop them from pecking each other. Your partner proposes measuring how much methane the local meat packing plant gives off. While you see the obvious advantages to the chicken topic, sometimes being a true boss means moving things forward, even if you don’t get everything you want.
And by the way, you’re assuming your idea is best. What do you think they’re thinking? Are they thinking, “Gee, Eren’s idea is best, but I’m going to argue because I like being a jerk?” Of course not.
They’re thinking just what you’re thinking: that their idea is right, and you’re the crazy one. The scary thing is, they may be right.
Involve other people
A powerful way to get buy-in from people is to involve them in the decision. You’re already getting everyone’s input, but you still don’t agree. So don’t just give them a vote; have them help choose the decision-making process as well. One of the most important parts of the decision-making process is choosing the criteria you’ll use to decide.
Whenever you’re deciding between two things, each of you considers different things about each option. These are called criteria.
With your science fair project, perhaps you’re thinking about how nice each option will smell, and you’d rather hang around a chicken coop than a slaughterhouse. And I’m not judging here; that’s just your preference. Your teammate might be thinking about how easy each option will be, and that meat packing plant is within walking distance (I am so sorry), while chickens require a two-hour car ride.
Have them commit to the process
Your criterion is smell, your partner’s is transportation ease. Before making the decision, work with your partner to agree on all the criteria you’ll use to evaluate ideas and how important each is. Maybe you both decide that transportation is more important than smell. Rate both ideas on both criteria and you will quickly conclude that meat packing is where it’s at. You get to be the true boss by realizing your idea isn’t the one the team should choose.
And you’ll probably be fine with that choice. Why? Because you’ll feel like your concern—smell—has been heard. And that’s the key: When people help choose how the decision gets made, they find it easier to accept the decision even if it’s not the one they would have made. (The fact that your partner doesn’t care about smell because his nose was reconstructed after a tragic childhood nasal spray accident never needs to come up.)
Make it their idea
But let’s say that your teammate is just dead set on methane, and you have tried everything you can think of to convince him to go your way. There’s one last thing you can do: suggest that he come up with a new idea himself. Maybe your teammate could think of a new topic based on his interests, something that blends the criteria you agreed on. You’re creating the space for him to make a choice instead of framing it as a decision to do it your way or “my way or the highway.”
That’s not just a great lesson for school; it’s also a great lesson for work. And who knows? If your teammate is a little less stubborn, he may decide he’d rather make the project about chickens than emissions anyway, and that will really make you the boss.